Jan grew up in the wilds of Wisconsin, where he brokered a much-needed rapprochement with the region's native badger population. Still flush with fame, he arrived at college determined to do something about his crippling fear of antebellum American history. To date, this goal remains unaccomplished owing to his twin obsessions with late-night apple fritter consumption and student radicalism (the two are closely linked). In his spare time, Jan enjoys reading Russian children's books and listening to Земфира.

Ladd lives on an archipelago, and spends his mornings researching the grooming habits of pelagic seabirds. In his free time, he is mightily obsessed with miracle fruit, liquid metal embrittlement and blancmange. He wears only traditional Thessalonian garments, and travels exclusively by means of a custom-built titanium pogo stick.