War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
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This is an online forum application for REALbasic developers to exchange code and share answers to common questions. It is intended to provide RB users with information regarding the scripting and understanding of the popular programming tool. Try it now for free and be a part of the growing community.
Originally offered for the princely sum of $3/year (568.09 Azerbaijani Manats/fortnight), this fugacious little clot revolves around the smallest non-resizable application window yet discovered in the wild. We have it on good authority that Sebastian Cavalli, Plague’s nympholeptic developer, does the majority of his work on a 320x240 pixel display (measuring just short of four inches on the diagonal). This deficit has led him down the sloping and slippery garden path of ill-flavored user interface. Perhaps it is his insistence on living in the blighted suburbs of Portland that led him to design his application’s appearance in such a way that it appears to be sloughing off chunks of bacon before your very eyes. But no, this crusty integument was not made for you, brave new visual cortices! As our gifted software social workers have discovered, this cry for help was flung unto the world for the sole purpose of carrying an “End-User License Agreement” that makes grown men lactate in distress.
Let’s examine a pair of clauses from said license agreement (emphasis ours):
Nefarious Software, will disclaim any accusation or dispute concerning Plague. By downloading Plague, you have acknowledged, to use the program and ALL other Nefarious products at your own risk. We will not be responsible for possible damage or unexpected action taken regarding the host computer.
At this juncture, one begins to wonder about the possibility of malicious code, designed by a wrathful little REALbasic coder. A quick spot-check of the system reveals that Plague has cunningly inserted itself into the startup items — an action sure to enrage the rare user who is not already disgusted by Plague’s petite proportions.
If we determine that you have purposely tried to crowd or act against the Plague databases your account will be deleted. Even if you have paid for this account, we have the right to terminate it. If the Plague services were to be canceled, yours and all other accounts would be erased. You do not have the right to file a complaint regarding your account, or any other related conditions.
Boldy, Nefarious Software has chosen to override our constitutionally-protected right to free speech. For this we will not stand! Mr. Cavalli: try as you might, you will find it rather difficult to nullify our right to complain. Not only is it our right, but we also think we’re rather good at it. As such, please ponder the frottage possibilities inherent in this hot-n-bothered 11.0 rating.
Posted by ladd at August 21, 2004 07:58 PM | TrackBackFirst. Or, possibly second.
I'll alert the wire services.
How have the mighty fallen?
Posted by: pat on August 21, 2004 09:07 PMHrm... that's odd, your expansive orange background seems to be obscured by something. Wait, no... it couldn't be. It is! A new post! No, wait... it's not.
Posted by: Huck on August 22, 2004 12:09 AMWorst Post!!
Posted by: cat person on August 22, 2004 02:19 AMPursed Faust.
Posted by: aussie boy on August 22, 2004 05:44 AMWurst post.
Posted by: aussie boy on August 22, 2004 05:45 AMCursed host.
Posted by: aussie boy on August 22, 2004 05:46 AMBurst roast.
Posted by: aussie boy on August 22, 2004 05:46 AMWell, what did you expect? It's almost 11 p.m., local time, with only the Olympics on TV, my wife and kids are asleep and I'm about to fall into the grips of narcolepsy. You wanted great posts? I think not!
You get what you pay for, you cheap buggers! Belvedere, throw a rug over that donkey and grab a gross of palm fronds. It's time to enter Damascus. Yes, again! Just get on with it, old buttock!
Posted by: aussie boy on August 22, 2004 05:49 AMBy God, yes, I have a large wurst! I have a big weiner!
Posted by: longdongsilver on August 22, 2004 10:40 AMThis has to be the wurst burst of curst verse this side of the Alleghenies (of course, since the earth is spherical, it's the other side of the Alleghenies, too).
Posted by: Uncertain Future on August 22, 2004 03:25 PMWhen am I going to see a Fancy Chicken© favicon next to my PvT bookmark?
Posted by: Baal on August 24, 2004 08:28 AMPlague... what a perfect name for a Reel Basik forum.
Their ads could be something like 'Plague. Spreading the disease that is RB'
badger
Posted by: www.badgerbadgerbadger.com on August 24, 2004 08:49 AMwhere's my brain? (can't find it)
Posted by: Bigfoot on August 24, 2004 11:50 AMJust follow the throbbing pain, I whacked it with a chair.
Posted by: Huck on August 24, 2004 04:58 PMA Fancy Chicken© favicon? Good idea. Perhaps there could be a donation box for The Fancy Chicken© favicon. A few cents will feed a Fancy Chicken© favicon a few pixels of fancy corn.
Posted by: shawk on August 25, 2004 01:42 PMNow if only they'd rename REALbasic to "VD," we'd finally have truth in advertising.
In the interest of promoting truth in advertising: I have a short weiner.
Posted by: shortdongsilver on August 27, 2004 10:54 AMno that's no my brain
Posted by: Bigfoot on August 30, 2004 02:41 PMWhat did I thwak then? It wasn't... no it couldn't have... don't tell me I... noooooooo!
Wait, no. Your genitals appear to be fine.
Posted by: Huck on August 30, 2004 11:03 PM#20
i'm horney
And a bad speller.
Posted by: Huck on August 31, 2004 03:23 PMI resent my name being associated with this software. It will sully my reputation.
Remember, kids - only Bubonic-brand Plague can cause horrific, painful death on a truly global scale. Be sure to ask for it by name!
Posted by: Mr. Bubonic on August 31, 2004 03:29 PMOh, please. Your little "horrific, painful death" bit is nothing compared to the torment REALbasic inflicts upon naive software users every day.
Face it — you've finally been outdone.
Posted by: shortdongsilver on September 1, 2004 01:30 PMIs no-one producing decently awful software any more?
Is there nothing new in the world of RealB*SIC for us to pillory?
Has AlphaOmega gone out of business?
Where did I leave my other sock?
Answers please, anyone!
Posted by: aussie boy on September 1, 2004 05:37 PMHave we been forsaken by Rixter?
Posted by: Huck on September 2, 2004 11:30 AMaussie boy, I believe that Norm may have borrowed your sock. He was last seen sneeking away from your room, muttering something about a wood chipper (or possibly a chipmunk)...
Posted by: no body on September 3, 2004 06:29 PMboooooring
Posted by: on September 5, 2004 05:55 AMzzzzzzzzz
Posted by: on September 7, 2004 04:21 PMFriday September 10, 2004:
I get a weird hankering for some fancy chickens, so I come by to see what's on display. Nothing. Pure orange blankness. A deep chasm of nothingness. Pure and utter emptyness. A void like none other.
Thanks. It's Friday and I'm depressed. Give me one reason to keep going ... go ahead ... I need one! Hell, I'll buy one! Anyone?
Hello? Hello? Hello?
Echo. Echo. Echo.
Damn, now I'm lonely too. I had to go to work today, why not these people?
Posted by: Walking Contradiction on September 10, 2004 09:43 AMUm, is anyone monitoring this place any more?
I don't know, but I think maybe that previous post is a little beyond the pale, even for this place!
Posted by: aussie boy on September 12, 2004 06:28 PMClearly there is some sort of monitoring going on.
The post I was referring to disappeared while my previous post was being posted. So not even the ghost of the post is left on this host ... (OK, I'm bored off my tits! Sue me!)
Sorry 'bout that, Walking Contradiction. I wasn't referring to your goodly self.
Y'all have a nice day now!
Posted by: aussie boy on September 12, 2004 06:30 PMoh maomi, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
splurt.
ick
Posted by: A.Y.B.A.B.T.U. on September 13, 2004 01:38 PMThe machines at the PvT offices have been taken over by a malicious piece of software designed with R*** B****. Until all the employees agree to say nice things about the interface used by such programs, they will be unable to post. They will also have to pay a ransom of $3.12 to the author of the above mentioned software.
Your machines (and internet connection) are belong to us!
35! wewt
Posted by: on September 15, 2004 09:59 PM
You guys just don't get it.
Like, what exactly is the sound of one hand clapping? Huh?
It's just real subtle, kinda Brit-like, y'know, like Benny Hill!
Think outside the box! I'm talking John Cage here!
Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on September 17, 2004 07:06 PMSo, what, we get one review a year now for the next 639 years?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/2728595.stm
Posted by: Mickey Knox on September 17, 2004 10:19 PMYou got it, Mickey!
One review and we're reading it right now! We've been reading it, and had been reading it, and will be reading it! A review that permeates the very ether of the cosmos itself! A review that is an essential part of our immortal souls! A review that barely fits within the constraining contexts of our meager space-time continuum!
Hmm, 'brilliant' doesn't quite seem adequate...
Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on September 18, 2004 06:47 PMWhat is so offensive with the words
"Last comment (ever)."
that somebody had to edit it out? As you see it wasn`t even true.
Jeeez, you guys are sure touchy.
first post!
Posted by: nobody special on September 19, 2004 04:27 PMbooooooooorrrrrrring (despite being removed)
Posted by: on September 20, 2004 02:18 AMi am so worried about you. why is your site all froofed-up?
Posted by: dongrel on September 21, 2004 08:25 AMpvt is tot
Posted by: on September 22, 2004 05:41 AMI have a big weiner! Now someone post a new review, dammit.
Posted by: longdongsilver on September 22, 2004 01:59 PMAny idea why my post from Friday 9/17/04 got the gleaming axe of censorship? What did I say? What did I do to deserve this kind of shoddy treatment?
It's a conspiracy, dangit! I know it is! They're out to get me!
Posted by: Walking Contradiction on September 23, 2004 11:15 AMWoo hoo, last post!!!
:-P
ps. If you don't like smileys, this is for you --> (*)
eggs, get your eggs here, fresh white eggs are here
cause meh weiner is bigger
Posted by: Cyanide on September 25, 2004 10:27 PMStarting to get some serious withdrawal symptoms here. Please help me out.
Posted by: on September 27, 2004 07:58 AMwhat in the world ?
Posted by: Bigfoot on September 27, 2004 02:03 PMI miss PvT. Long live PvT and Massinova... oh, wai
Posted by: PvT on September 27, 2004 09:03 PMHot blonde is looking for sex right now. Please leave your number.
Posted by: on September 29, 2004 03:32 AM(Nearly) the entire month of September had passed, with nary a word from the intrepid PvTers. We began to suspect that some ill fate had befallen them. Each morning we looked for their coming, and each morning our hopes were cruelly dashed.
Posted by: Mickey Knox on September 29, 2004 10:49 AMGradually we began to check less and less often, until our once-frequent visits trailed off, becoming a weekly affair, then finally we lapsed into a "whenever-we-thought-about-it-now-and-then" mode. It became apparent to all and sundry that the PvTers had gone for good, and would not return. All that remained was a crumbling edifice, a decrepit monument to the once-great PvT empire.
Posted by: on September 29, 2004 10:56 AMClandestine agents of RB have infiltrated PvT and are moving forward with their plans for complete RB and Monkey control of the world.
Posted by: A.Y.B.A.B.T.U. on October 1, 2004 09:03 AMNew times, new sites-to-visit-when-bored.
Moltz' strategic move to enable comments have opened up new venues of pointless comment flooding, though the quality of comment-content is rather subpar when compared to here.
In any case: fare thee well, PvT staff. In my perfect world you are now hard at work on a RealB. equivalent that uses C++ and Assembler that creates 5kb applications regardless of functionality.
I think I'm going to get myself a good shaving.
Posted by: Thuros M. on October 2, 2004 05:21 PMAww, man. So now PvT's gone, and I STILL have an abbreviated weiner. Drat.
Posted by: Short Dong Silver on October 6, 2004 05:21 PMI suspect Naomi is campaigning for tree-huggers, Ladd is actually going to class, and Jan is at Betty Ford trying desperately to kick his $500-a-day goat cheese habit.
Or, they might have finally invaded Belgium...
Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on October 6, 2004 08:12 PMITS GONE!
Posted by: Sam Starling on October 7, 2004 10:03 AMlast one out... lock the door behind you.