I have a big weiner.

WTF? Did naomi actually just recommend a piece of software? A good review?

I think naomi must have been kidnapped by sentient body-snatching luna-moths and has been infested with some sort of mind-altering larvae.

Mmmmm. I wish I was in a hammock eating bananas.

Mr longdongsilver,

I have had enough your boasting! I curse you with the curse of ages. A curse so terrible that the heavens tremble and hell recoils in torment as the breath of this curse leaves my lips. In the ancient tongue of realms beyond, "reniew gib a evah I!" Away with you longdongsilver, away...

Mr.Silver:
Have the head lice abated?

I assume it is naomi who is being the comment exorcist. It seems that she is on an unstoppable rampage of ripping the heart of selected commentaries out by the aorta. Who will survive!? The thought of being edited by naomi makes me so horny that I can't control the urge to jump in the wood chipper myself! My heart beats with anticipation and sweat crowns my brow as I reach for the start button and hear the whir of the blades making little chunks out of my mortal body...nah, fuck that idea.

that is too weird

A 1 shouldn't have happened.

Damn, it's getting cold down here!

would that be the four horsemen i see on the horizon?

"reniew gib a evah I"

Norm, you know I love you man. If you are having any problems, just give me a call. I just want to point out that you got the syllabic thing wrong. I know you are trying to bring Cthulhu back, but you need the right pronunciation.

I've been working for this for so long, and Norm just went and chipped it up. Fucker.

ok I will now grudginly admit that yes, he has a big weiner, BUT NOT THAT I DONT! yeah... im not defensive... *mutters*

oh and this game that has been reviewed is patently CRAP. CRAPPY, CRAPPY POO. My goodness.. it is at least worthy of a 10. What a stupid concept/game/designer! grrrr bloody moths.

Dear Mr. longdongsilver,

Judging from your response to my comment, it is hard to say if you caught the subtleties of my prose. You do realize “reniew gib a evah I” is "I have a bid weiner" spelled backwards? Uttering the words "I have a big weiner" at a party will get you a variety of responses. For example, you're at a the company christmas party and there is one guy at the party who everybody knows is a real asshole. Going up to this guy and saying, "I have a big weiner" is not the wisest thing to do. Combining a big weiner with an asshole will get you into a lot of trouble!

Now, have we learned anything? Did catch the subtle play on words in my explanation? Oh why do I bother...(click...whir)...the wood chipper is ready.

Sigh... Yes I realised what it was spelled backwards.

I've been reading a bit too much Lovecraft recently it seems. Uttering the words "reniew gib a evah I" at a party will get you strange looks and may invoke beings from other planes of existence. But you need to get the pronunciation right if you want your curse to work. Sheesh.

[People have dinner every day dude. Your comment too must be gornlupthi.]

error
error
error
error

rebooting winky

Crush Kill Destroy
Crush Kill Destroy
Crush Kill Destroy
Good Day, Mr. Smith
Crush Kill Destroy
Crush Kill Destroy
Crush Kill Destroy

Are there any singing twin japanese chicks in this piece o'software?

Dear PvT community,

I Norm O. Tidwell have taken it upon my myself to improve my public bed side manner around those who were only partial chewed up by my wood chipper and survived. How can I improve my demeanor so that little children won't run away from me in screaming horror? I want to be a kinder, gentler Norm O. Tidwell that loves sheep and an occasional fancy chicken. I beg of you people to rain down on me the pus laden crap of your mercy upon me.

So I ask all of you to please give me your diagnosis of my condition and possible cures for what plagues me. Tell me what I need to do...please...please...P L E A S E. I will be your friend... DON'T MAKE ME GIVE YOU MONEY FOR YOUR RESPONSE!!!

I find flames often cures heresy, because a burned corpse is a PURE corpse.

However, your particular brand of problem doesn't seem like a good scourging or burning would cure you.
I suggest you begin to regularly attend WCA, wood chippers anonymous. Your obsession with wood chippers has taken a turn towards the unhealthy. I also recommend you extend your inter-species loving to even more species to limit boredom. Perhaps a foray into avian or sea dwelling species will do you good.

And more good old fashioned mocking.

Norm, I think a penis extension might be just the thing you are looking for. They work wonders. And of course the sheep will now enjoy getting pleasured while they pleasure you. With a big weiner, many of your mental and emotional insecurities can simply be brushed away, and you rarely need to take any responsibility at all for your actions.

Thank you Laemkral for suggesting fish fucking. I would have never considered the possibilities of fish fucking until this day. Now a whole new range of possibilities are open to me. Can you imagine a bunch of guys around a bar comparing stories of sexual escapades with exotic farm animals and I strut up to the bar and say. " I just did a sea horse!"

I can see it now, "FANCY FISH FRIDAY"

[Self-censored message to save the management time and effort. Love your work, VTs!]

Some of y'all need to remember that PvT is not a porn site, and it's not your personal graffiti wall. If you post a comment that is excessively nasty and/or threatening, it will be edited or deleted.

If you have a problem with this, why not try to improve the quality of your comments instead of griping about it, hmmmm?

i still prefer hillbilly wack !

Wow! A good review. I'll even give it a try, though by and large, I think video games are meant for and played by pathetic losers.

[badger]

Dear naomi,

Who is griping about it? I think someone here has become a wee bit sensitive. aussie boy's comment has absolutely nothing to do with griping and is actually pretty funny since we all know how much Australians love their animals! I certainly haven't griped about it and I and I am the one who holds the record for being "edited" the most. I actually like it sometimes when my comments are edited. A good slap on my rear feels so good (ooooh do it again baby).

If you need to excise some comments, so be it! Sometimes you will be right and sometimes you will be wrong, but who care's? This is your web site and you can do anything you want on it and we all acknowledge that. Did you notice the first comment after your plea to improve the quality of our comments was "i still prefer hillbilly wack !" Talk about ironic in a twisted sort of way.

It would be my privilege to hold your hand as you jump into the wood chipper.

Am fish fucking. Will be back soon.
... Err, make that late. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Just to assuage Naomi's bruised ego, an ON TOPIC comment:

Personally, I don't think I'll download or play Lunamoth, but I won't say why.

namely peepee and you MUST NOT LOOK AT IT YOU PERVERTS

I think we are all forgetting one important thing. You all may be bugging naomi and the other VanTols to the point of censorship....but I've been BANNED for the inanity and aggravating behaviour my comment contained and caused. Your foul mouths are no match for the power of the Inquisition.

Just remember that I alone have sent PvT into a downward spiral of accusations not seen since Senator McCarthy went cukoo with the whole Commie thing. I mean, he burned some of my worst agents. No literally. The man burned them with flames and gasoline. I admire that in a person, being able to just randomly accuse people of treachery and have them prosecuted with almost a complete and utter lack of evidence.....

Why are you all looking at me? When I do it there is a difference. I'M RIGHT.

So to summarize....the =][= is here once more.

So yes, this does mean I upset some superiors and was reassigned.

But on a more related note......
I think this game might make the dull stay in this primitive environment of genital fondling and display a bit more pleasant for me and my entourage of various groups of people the particulars of which don't concern the lot of you.

All in all, I haven't had this much interest in a review since I was mentioned in that one with the calendar and stuff.

This game mushed my computer's brain, I had to reboot..... That makes a sad Winky. A very, very sad Winky.

My earlier post was simply intended as a joke, and I certainly did not intend to offend Naomi, Ladd or Jan.

I unreservedly apologise for making light of a situation that has been dealt with correctly by Naomi.

I love the fact that this place is so free and open, but I recognise that there has to be a line. That line was apparently crossed more than once in this thread.

For the record, Naomi did not ask me to post this, but given that I can't delete or edit my previous effort, I felt I should offer a public and heartfelt apology.

I too wish to present my most sincere apology.

But first I'd like to thank my mother, my father, and my little dog longdongpuppy, for all the love they gave me at breakfast on July 12, 1987. I would like to thank my agent, my coworkers, the cab driver, and the shoemaker with whom I danced the horlepipe after breaking my left elbow. And most importantly [gently weeping now], I'd like to thank the love of my life for being so... lovely... and... and lively all the time. Finally how could I forget [crying] the PVT staff and visitors for... for... [crying heavily]

Oh boy. [Recovering] Um, what was I talking about? Oh yes, I wanted to apologize for my few posts. More particularly for those that were misleading, too absurd, or both. Never again will I gornlupthi.

Oh and I also want to apologize for having used the f-word once. We all know it was for a good cause, but still...

Dear PVTers,

I now realize even more that I have led a sinful, shameful life on this site. All the public apologies in the world cannot change that. The weight of the guilt is crushing me. I can see only one way out: the wood chipper.

Norm, wouldn’t you mind pushing fuddes in. I’d feel much better after that. Thanks buddy. (Nothing personal fuddes, your nickname is just the shortest to type.)

Grrr. Someone posted under my name. If you have a problem with me, at least be man enough to say it to my face. Sheesh.

Oh yeah, and if I offended anyone, sorry about that too. I never got edited though, so I don't think I did.

Please allow me to apologize once more, for all my past, current, and future apologies.

Can you feel the heelin'? Oh man, I am born again!

I would also like to apologize in the name of my mother, my father, my little dog longdongpuppy, my agent, my coworkers, the cabdriver and the shoemaker, the band playing the horlepipe, the love of my life, all PVTers, and all the fish in the sea. May we revel in an infinite loop of asking for forgiveness and granting it to ourselves.

I forgive you my friends, I really do!

Mmmmmm... The guilt, the pain, the shame. I'm feeling so Catholic again. Thank you PVT for this wonderful Easter.

Sorry fuddes for picturing you in the wood chipper. These were impure thoughts.

Sorry aussi boy for making a mockery of your "public and heartfelt apology." I will never do it again, ever ever --in this thread.

Please please please forgive me! Puh-lease!

Ok, I'll tell you what, let me make up for all of these undisciplined posts. Let's all go see "The Passion of Christ" together. I know it might be a little disappointing because Roman technology wasn't evolved enough for wood chippers, but still.

Noone has complemented the goddess Naomi on her delightful writing style lately, so I'll be the suckup. I enjoyed the review of Bank of Parents especially. Keep it up. Ladd does well also, but his penchant for chosing extremely obscure words detracts as does his Thunderbird-inspired poetry. BTW, how did you slip the Lunamoth review by Jan?

SC, in case you haven't noticed.....my forgiveness comes at a price. It involves more than wood chippers and pleading, there is also scourging and burning so that at the end, all those impure thoughts and actions you have or ever will have are just flamed away.
*clicks the pilot light of a flamethrower on*
Now, just stay riiiiiiight there. Forgiveness is coming....

The line is so long this morning. I hate working overtime, but a wood chipper professional has to do what a wood chipper professional has got to do.

OK you bastards, I have noticed that many of you have been hitting the drive through at McDonalds a wee bit to often and have put on some extra baggage on those love handles. This extra baggage is is clogging up the wood chipper so I am going to have to implement a pre-chipper program. From know on all wood chipper candidates will be subject to "Norm's Trim the Fat Program". Brurrnk... Brurrnk... Damn thing... Brrrr... rrr... rrr... rrr... rrr... RRRRRRRRRRRRR... Step right up an let Norm trim those nasty bags of human blubber from your quivering bodies with my freshly sharpened chain saw.

Next...

Have you noticed that naomi's little tirade has pushed this comment section to well over 50 comments in a short period of time! I think we could break the comment record with a little effort, but in order to do that we need someone else to expose themselves with an honest true outburst of emotion in a comment. Then the pack of wolves out there will do the rest and push this comment section to will over a 100 comments! Any fucking idiot out there want to pour their heart out? I'm listening!

OK, I'll start...I have a problem with people with anal warts. It ruins the taste of wood chipper stew. OK people, be gentle with me!

How much wood would Norm's wood chipper chip if his wood chipper could chip wood?

Then there's the obvious, "I have a big woody", but I won't say that, 'cause it would be totally lame.

OK, everyone join in: "My name is longdongsilver and I'm an alcoholic." Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards a cure!

My name is longdongsilver and I'm and alcoholic.

Boy howdy, I feel better already. Now for my nitric acid enema and a refreshing dip in liquid nitrogen. I feel like a new man! And I sure am relieved to know that Naomi swallowed it.

Oh Laemkral, please stop! It tickles! You silly plaything.

I think we should change longdongsilver's name to "Woody Wood Pecker".

I have a terrible moth phobia. This review was the scariest thing I've seen since that scene from The Silence of the Lambs.

If you don't have anything funny to say then don't....
Oh wait, sorry.
It took 58 posts to get to... gerbils.
How many posts will it take to get to Richard Gere autographed gerbils?
Time will tell.

Richard Gere autographed gerbils? Really? Geez, where do you get those? I've got a pair autographed by Mahatma Ghandi, but, holy cow (no pun intended), Richard Gere? I've got to get me one of those!

Holy smokes, 60 comments!

When I was a small boy in outback Australia (well, inner outback Australia, anyway), this nice old man used to come around to our house and smoke his pipe while sitting on the back step of an evening.

He'd puff and puff, telling us stories of his old cattle-droving days in Queensland.

Then one day he didn't arrive.

We never saw him again and we didn't know what became of him.

I haven't been able to tell a story while smoking my pipe since. *Sob!*

Somebody please help me ...

Relax, Aussie Boy - he was lying to you anyway. All he ever drove a Chevy Vega in Omaha. He was actually a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman. Not very successful, either, judging by how dirty the door-to-door vacuum is these days.

I have been lurking this site a while, and, call me naive, but I never appreciated before the aptness of the name perversiontracker until I read this particular collection of comments.

I had always assumed the name refered to the software being reviewed, but now I understand.

Yes, Naive, you were naive. But now you're not.

Welcome to the world of the soiled underpants of society.

And now for some thrilling news. If you're breath is not bated, please wait with bated breath ... now!

Ahem!

Yes, the wait is over!

Lunamoth 0.83 has been released with the following fixes: "Fixes key-repeat-rate bug and lowers firing rate slightly. On startup, now checks for new version in background to improve responsiveness."

Available at VersionTracker, WalMart, and quality fishing outlets across the Tri-State area.

And remember that name, folks: Lunamoth -- the only moth *you're* gonna need, mister!

Having gained understanding at last, you confuse me again by actually discussing the software for some unaccountable reason.

Truly you have sprung from the outer limits of the bell curve.

Oh, poor Not.

You are again.

What shall we do? What *can* we do?

Perhaps a sniff of Mr Grabby's Wonder Glue and a nice lie down with a turnip might cure what ails ye.

Dear Lord! I just realised I sold myself short three posts ago and merely appellated myself "aussie".

Is this a subconscious premonition?

Or maybe a post-operative Freudian slip, following last Tuesday's vasectomy?

Maybe there is no more "boy" in the "aussie"!

*Sob!*

Somebody help me, pleeeeeeeeease!

Dear aussie girl?

Maybe its grandma's ovaries kicking in.

So many people cry out for help, begging for forgiveness before my very eyes. Fear not adventurers of PvT for absolution draws nigh!

My time for glory here in this miserable assignment of a backwater website (no offense intended) has come at last as the signs of redemption appear!

Soon I will march forth bedecked in my armour as I valiantly lead forth an army of the purest souls to vanquish the enemies of righteousness. Beset upon all fronts by heresy and treachery and porn movies that tried to have a good story line but failed and now there is less nudity and too much story, we shall not falter for the Emperor guides us in the fight against His foes. I am a warrior of the Holy Inquisition!

Or I could sit here and watch more DVDs......and the coin says.....DVDs. Alright, enjoy the continued reign of terror and impurity that are all your daily lives, I got MASH to watch.

Naive, welcome to the wonderful world of comment irrevelancy.

70 comments! I think we are getting close to breaking the record.

Time for some nude fancy greased chicken wrestling followed by fancy fish fuck videos to celebrate this solemn occasion. Anybody want to spill their guts so that we all may make fun of you? Never mind, lets all just go out back and practice catching bullets.

Hello all! My name is Nancy Nipples and I just happen to see this web site and all the crazy things that are written here. I was wondering if any of you boys like a more mature woman with large breasts? You all seem so mature for your age and I think I could get along just dandy with any of you especially that longdongsilver fellow! So if any of you would like to tell me why I should teach you the ways of an older woman, please post your qualifications and I think we could work something out.

XXOOXXOO

Attention! Attention! No posting to bump up the tally.

I repeat: No posting to bump up the tally.

That is all.

are you sure we aren't allowed to post to bump it up?

oh what a bummer.

Hey! I said no!

Jeez! Bloody Australians!

sorry.... my bad.

as punishment, I shall lend my kangaroo to you for a month aussie (boy?) ...now I must walk to work.

Dear Ms. Nancy Nipples:

Mmmmmm. Older women. I would indeed post my qualifiations, but I have come (ahem) to believe that my actions stand (ahem!) for themselves. However, if you are willing to pay full travel expenses, I would be happy to arrange for a demonstration, at your convenience. I'm sure we could come to an arrangement that would satisfy (AHEM!) both parties.

Sincerely, I remain,

Mr. L. D. Silver

P.S.: I have big hands, too.

P.P.S.: And a very flexible tongue.

Mmmmmm, Nancy Nipples. Mmmmm, peanut butter. Mmmmm fish lips.

Freaking 80 comments! Time for someone to say something stupid. longdongsilver get up here and say the most intelligent thing you can think of.

the other day when i clicked on the comments in the cars site the pvt comments box popped up.
more evidence that cars and pvt are the same.
So please provide a link on pvt home page to cars and vice versa. As cars and pvt are my fave sites.
thank you
me

i've met mr gere in person and can get for you the autographed gerbils.

And to you nancy nipples, yes i am interested.
What are your vitals?

"Freaking 80 comments! Time for someone to say something stupid."

How about this for something stupid:
George W. Bush

Everyone's posting on this thread to try to make it the longest ever. Many of them are apologizing for past indiscressions ...

I don't apologize. I'm not sorry for anything. I pitty the fool who feels like they have to apologize for something they did ...

Sorry, I didn't mean that.

Hey! I ain't stupid. Mama always told me I was just "slow". And that nice Mr. Cheney lets me leave my room twice every day as long as I take my meds. Mr. Rumsfeld is a poopy-head, though.

They didn't tell me! I swear nobody told me!

That Clarke man is a liar!

If there'd been double-choc choc-chip peanut-butter cookies at that briefing I think I'd remember, don't you?

Oh, and I seem to remember that he said something about some guy called Al who was expecting to have an attack of some sort -- was it asthma? I'll get back to you ...

[SFX: Footsteps running down long, echoing corridor; door slams; silence]

Hey, van Tols! Can't you guys put some sort of politician filter on this site?

They're putting Grandma off her mushed prunes and low-fat custard!

Just a reminder, politics has no hold upon the Inquisition or its members and their dealings. We persecute and execute without any prejudice with regards to your political opinion. Except for heretics, their politics just aren't our politics so they get to burn.

So the next time you think of death with no political agenda, think Inquisition!

This ad sponsored by the Inquisition and put on the air at no cost. We will lower the pistol from the station manager's head in a couple days after this ad campaign has had a chance to run.

So I played this 'LunaMoth' and it's actually not a bad network game. Simple. Maybe not a 1, but fun nonetheless. The only thing it's really lacking is a way to exit from a game or network game w/o quitting, and stop some of the crashes. Wheee.

Fuddes: As you know, I removed your first comment because it contained a nasty sexual threat against me. I removed your second comment because you called me a bitch for removing your first comment.

I don't know why you feel the need to make personal attacks on me, and I have been lenient so far. But if you continue this inappropriate behavior, you will be banned.

i was banned for awhile for reason(s) unbeknownst to me.
then one day i was unbanned.
perhaps a mistake was made and someone else was meant to be banned.
i didn't mind since i was unable to post only for a brief period of time. no expensive legal team was needed, no buy-out was needed.

Dear fuddes,

Concerning you being edited by naomi, get over yourself. If you want a war, go beat up a dead gerbil. There is one fact that you have completely ignored which totally blows away your argument. naomi is really good looking and has nice personality and you are ugly and stupid! Though there is hope for your looks with a couple of passes through the wood chipper.

and lets face it, a pile of bloody human remains pretending to be woodchips would be more intelligent than fuddes. Hell, i say fire up the chipper and lets get his IQ into double figures! :D

This is a pointless post made for the sole purpose of boosting the post count.

for shame. FOR SHAME!!!

Dear Ms. Nancy Nipples,

I am still awaiting your reply. Have you had the chance to review my qualifications yet? I am very interested in this position and would like to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Mr. L. D. Silver

P.S.: I may have forgotten to mention this before, but I have a big weiner, too.

P.P.S.: And, just in case you forgot, I also have big hands.

1st comment and 100th comment! I kill myself.

Do you kill yourself with the wood chipper?

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