Hah! First Comment!

With not mountable file systems available, this program must be teaching tools to be autoerotic. This is obviously not being published by Catholics.

What's up with the flaming-head logo on their dancing cat webpage? Is this really an anti-christian conspiracy to pollute the world with more poorly-written and over-hyphenated user comments? Or maybe they're just telling us, "Using our software is good practice for hell."

On a pedantic note, I'd like to note that Willy is no longer free. He's gently decomposing.

But his spirit is free as a bird now, and a bird you cannot change!

Wanna see a picture of my bedroom?

http://www.bumperdumper.com/art/dirt1.JPG

I decorated it myself.

Here's what I've heard:

In his show (as a captive whale), Willy (Keiko) had female attendents mount him. Once he was free, he charged at least $50 to mount a female attendent. So even once he was free, he still wasn't free.

And what kind of whale was Willy?
A sperm whale, of course.

And Norm, I must get myself a bathroom just like yours! It is absolutely adorable! I love the way you've used color and texture to such advantage. You certainly have a "queer" eye for design.

Dear Uncertain Future,

It's my bedroom, not my bathroom.

My deepest apologies, Norm. Of course, its even better as a bedroom. I think it would look even better with a bit more bunny guts spattered on the walls, but you obviously know more than me. Keep up that good wood chipper work!

Mountable file system? Wasn't that what the old floppy slot was for?

I have a big weiner.

I don't see your comments about this program to be much more than a homiletic of your own against religion. If a program is poorly designed, has a bad or inconsistent user interface, or simply doesn't work, THAT seems grounds for calling it "useless". Or perhaps the site is intended to identify software that is just useless to YOU.

I took a look at the program and then another look at your comments. A lack of knowledge of a method of Bible study (not sermon creation as you incorrectly identified it) is not a valid reason to get your knickers in a knot about the program.

I presume that you will take my thoughts with as much love and patience as you did the program you are criticizing, but look beyond your own belief (lack of belief?) system next time.

OK children, step back and let old Norm handle this joker.

Dear Steven Weyhrich,

First off, I wish to proclaim in all truth and honesty that I am a very devout Christian. In fact, they don't come any hard core than me. Yet as some have noted here that I very partial to splattered bunny guts. I have actually been to heaven (I'm not kidding here) and seen things that that you would not believe if I told you. One thing I think you might believe is God has one hell of sense of humor. It is funnier than you could possibly imagine. I have experienced it first hand. Yes the PvT staff has a bias against the things of God in their writings, but it is not a serious one as far as I can tell other than for the humor of the moment. The context of this web site is centered around humor and useless software and picking on any and everyone without regard to political correctness. This is NOT a serious review site. It is one hell of a damn funny web site!!! So I suggest you take load off and empty your lower intestine. I think you will feel a lot better.

We know God is love and God loves us all. Therefore God is on His thrown and looks down and says,

"I love them, I love them all!"

But some of you out there may be unaccustomed to such language, so let me translate that into something you can understand. If you equate the word "love" with the word "fuck" for semantical translation purposes that PvT readers can easily understand, then the above message becomes...

"Fuck'm, Fuck'm all!"

OK, I think have just offend every self-righteous christian out there that thinks God doesn't swear. If you fall in that category, then fuck you! Now that was funny! Shit, I meant to say "up yours".

BTW Steven, didn't you read the line, "But we fail to see how this app is any improvement on the jostling herds of text editors that are readily available to even the most cave-bound purveyors of gospel" in the review? Kind of blows chunks in your argument. So would you like to step into the wood chipper head first or ass first?

"I presume that you will take my thoughts with as much love and patience as you did the program you are criticizing, but look beyond your own belief (lack of belief?) system next time."

First off, Mr. Weyhitch (hee-hee), the reviewers apparently took more time actually examining the software than you did the website. I'm fairly certain that thirty seconds or so at the home page might have suggested to you that... no, why bother? It's pointless. But I do insist that you look up the definition of 'homily'. I will assume that you prefer the first definition, since the 'tedious discourse' one is just wrong. Right?

I propose a new term: homileptic- n. individual so wrapped up in the words (not the Word) of their faith system as to be incapable of having interaction with ideas even remotely removed from said faith system.

In science, we sometimes call them 'dogma weasels'.

My god! I think if no one says "penis" really soon here that my head will explode.

Dear Mr. Weyhrich,

If God is omniscient and omnipotent (knows it all, and is almighty) then God knows about this review, and its existence is His very will. For if it would exist against His will, then God wouldn't be omnipotent!

This paradox would then, without doubt, immediately cause the engulfment of creation itself into dark nothingness. Reality would collapse in a blink. *thud*

But we still exist (I think), so what kind of a Christian are you, Mr. Weyhrich, to stand against God's will, huh! Only infidels and heretics are allowed to bash this PvT review! Yes, Mr Weyhrich, I’ve seen right through your feeble cover. CALL THE INQUISITION!

I'm omnivore and very potent.

Where the hell is the Inquisition when you need them?!

I bet God has a big weiner.

Well if He has He makes really poor use of it. Immaculate conception anyone?

Immaculate Conception: How To.

Click on "Scientyprickally Correct" in the post above for the link.

Or else here it is in plain text:

Immaculate Conception: How To...

http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_gospels/jesus_is_born/mt01_18_lk01_26.html

"Or perhaps the site is intended to identify software that is just useless to YOU."

Dude. NOW you get the idea!

But why not make a gigantic cash contribution to our fancy chicken fund, then use your influence to transform PvT into a Christian conservative mouthpiece?

Oooh, I've even picked out a slogan for our new partnership. PerversionTracker: We put the FUN back in FUNdamentalism!

>The context of this web site is centered around humor and
>useless software and picking on any and everyone without
>regard to political correctness. This is NOT a serious review
>site. It is one hell of a damn funny web site!!!"

Oh, I did realize that this is not intended to be a MacWorld-type of review site. I can see the point in focusing on the really STUPID software that some people come up with. And I can see that at first glance this program looks pointless.

However, it DOES provide a method of organizing serious Bible study. It may not be a method that suits you, but splattering "bunny guts" all over it seems unnecessary.

In regards to a pointless program: When it really comes down to it, hardly anybody needs more than a word processing and/or spreadsheet program for >90% of what they do. So yes, this could be done on a word processor. So could writing HTML text, and many other things. Sometimes it just works better with a specialized tool.

>First off, I wish to proclaim in all truth and honesty that I am
>a very devout Christian. In fact, they don't come any hard
>core than me.

If this is true and not just another of your PerversionTracker parodies, I would remind you of Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other."

I just wouldn't be the your basic sterotypical Bible-thumping intolerant religious idiot without including some scripture quote, eh?

[Leibnitz: I'm driving through Madison tomorrow evening. Let's get drunk and work on our secret plan to topple Christianity and replace it with our own giraffe-based religion.]

Heh... he said "specialized tool"...

> I would remind you of Gala-myass-tians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is [blah blah blah]"

Hey, dude! Be careful with them scripture quotes! People have been preached to death before: http://www.thebricktestament.com/acts/pauls_speech/ac20_07.html

I wouldn't want anyone on this list get hurt. (Except of course those who pass through Norm's chipper. Or those who have to be "questioned" by the inquisition. Or those who drag their massive sexual organs out of their space suits on the moon. *thud*)

Fortunately I'm sure you have nothing but good intentions. Just like crusaders did.

Can we start throwing pies now?

[Fraulein van Tol: we would need great stealth, as the giraffes are so large. And I was painting the bathroom, anyway. It's Celtic Grey. I listened to Enya while I painted it. Then I bombed the Protestants next door.]

I swear I never pulled my weiner out on the moon. Hell, I couldn't fit the damn thing into the spacesuit in the first place, so I just stayed home with the runs and sat in the jacuzzi all day.

I love the smell of mass delusion in the morning.

Dear Steven Weyhrich,

Well fuck you too!

For those self-righteous hypocrites who are unaccustomed to such language, let me translate into terms you can more easily understand.

Well fuck you too!

Let me quote the disclaimer for the web site for you.

"The insane opinions expressed on this site are those of the authors exclusively, are published for humorous purposes, and do not represent a serious attempt at supplying factual information, or fairly evaluating any particular person, product, species, or service. Comments posted by readers become the exclusive property of PerversionTracker, and can be misleadingly re-edited at the whim of the proprietors. Readers who disagree with any policy, opinion, or vicious attack supported by PerversionTracker, should get their own website. We hear PerversionTrackerAches-MyScrumPox.com is still available."

Now you come in here with a guns a blazing taking pot shots at naomi in the name of God with God knows what intent, then you my friend are the appitomy of being fucked up. Then you have the balls (can we call those balls?) to quote Galatians. It seems to me that you are conceited as shown by your propensity to provoke people without cause. Do you even know how toilet paper works?

They say shit happens, but you are proof that shit has a mind of its own. Hell, we could accept your opinion if you were at least humorous in some fashion in keeping with the agenda of this web site, but you make Laemkral look like a Robin Williams on speed. So please take your own dick out your mouth because we can't quite understand your "diction".

You desperately need a religious wood chipper experience. I wood be happy to provide one for you since I just installed a new set of sharp blades.

I see that Norm's tool is already well taught. These are some of the finest, well structured homilies I've seen since at least last week. I feel as happy as a mating slug.

I would like to put in on order for the "splattered bunny guts"? I have over 1,125 various items that I can trade, sign me up right away, I'm standing by my mailbox, arms akimbo, can't wait. Still waiting on some previously ordered items, but keepin' the faith!

Please let me know if we have another "rixter" on our hands here. Also, why are you using Jaguar again?

Your faithful fan,
Winky IIIV

Norm, the overly religious deserve might deserve extremely dull woodchipper blades. Prolongs the experience usefully.

An alternative is a large bathtub of liquid nitrogen. A dunk of the dork, a tap of the hammer and one of your troubles can go down the drain.

Gerbils.

Nah, they might love that bathtub thingy too much since they might believe they are baptised all over again.

I hope Mr. Weyhrich is no longer following our ramblings or he might even enjoy a spontaneous ejaculation when reading your post, dear shawk, out of sheer holly exitement. (I can't quite imagine what holly sperm looks like by the way. Does it glow in the dark?)

But let this not discourage you. Keep up the good work and bring on more suggestions!

(BTW Mr. Weyhrich, was it good?)

N.O.T. - I believe you meant to say (type) 'epitome'

I was looking through my new high power telescope and enjoying the celestial bodies floating in the heavens when I happened to notice something very odd. When I looked at the moon, I noticed a bunch of red spots on the surface of the moon. Upon further investigation I determined that there were bits of flesh scattered about which seemed to resemble male genitals.

My question to all of you fucking idiots is who has been masturbating on the moon? Did any of you jerk offs consider the rest of us who now have to look at a blood stained moon just because you thought it would be cool to whip your ding dong out in a airless environment. You could of at least did it on the dark side of the moon.

And I for one thought humanity had already discovered all the big philosophical questions -- without providing decent answers, but still: “Who are we?” “Where do we come from?” “Where do we go to?”

I really wish Sartres, Decartes, Kant, Plato, Socrates, and so many others were still amongst the living to deliver their take on this to our feeble but hungry minds: “Who has been masturbating on the moon?”

I’m glad to bring you, as a mere mortal, part of the answer: it wasn’t me. If I had been masturbating on the moon the earth would have been knocked out of its orbit and you’d all have been hurtled into the sun screaming like sissies. (This does not imply disrespect for sissies. I love ’em especially when they are screaming whilst being consumed by the sun.)

(If it were on the dark side of the moon and we'd detect some glowing sperm with a probe, then we'd know it was Mr. Weyhrich.)

Unfortunately, there is no "dark" side of the moon, as was pointed out previously. Over a period of 28 days it all rotates into the sunlight eventually. The "dark" side of the earth we refer to as "night."

The anwer to your question above is, of course, 42. This is the answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything. I thought you all knew that.

My mistake, sorry. I was too busy rediscovering my pencil with childish enthusiasm. I hadn't seen it for about 3.7224589 minutes.

Damn, busted!

[De-romanticizing of the Moon snipped]