War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
Sponsored by
L337.com
In Hillbilly Whack! you fight, collect boards to rebuild your broken shack, and run around at break neck speed. Goats, pigs, cows, chickens, and even a bear or two will challenge you along the way to saving Winnie May! But you’ll be drinking moonshine to make the tasks — like dodging drunken chickens — easier!
With such an exciting premise, we were certain Hillbilly Whack would offer delights far beyond the pedestrian sensuality of aerosol cans of lard that have so occupied our grabbling little paws before now. And indeed, the thrills were just beginning! With an Evil Giant Hillbilly named Clem McNasty, the plot quickly became thick as a juicy dogtick.
Once immersed in the carnal delights of whacking mules with the wooden remnants of your shack, the rest of the world slips away into a dim distraction, leaving you concerned only with rescuing your darling Winnie May from the villainous Clem McNasty. Unfortunately, the masterful drama of the plot soon thins, thanks in part to a tepid sprite and control system that ran slow as molasses in winter time when more than a dozen hogs wandered on-screen. The monumental disappointment resulting from this near-implacable flaw caused in us a near fatal cramp of our pyloric valve, which we finally ameliorated through vigorous and repeated application of warm marmalade poultices.
Small Fry Studios, you ain’t from around here are ya? Your comic timing is flawless, but your consarned Flash implementation rubs our taste-buds the wrong way. Please savor the slow-cooked flavor of a good ol’ 7.6, as you strive to fortify this mild entertainment with rudimentary optimizations.
Posted by ladd at November 12, 2003 10:20 PM | TrackBackHey, that looks like old Joe McGroggin from Tullibigeal! Good God! Is he still alive?
Posted by: aussie boy on November 12, 2003 10:25 PMThe website says that it "combines old school graphics and old school game play to equal old school fun."
Translations:
Old School Graphics = Bad graphics
Old School Game Play = Two-D side scroller
Old School Fun = You'll need to be on "old school drugs."
Oh damn, I misread the title. I thought it was "Hillbilly Whack Off" and was some sort of kinky porn.
Posted by: U. D. Mann on November 12, 2003 10:55 PMI don't care. I'm still going to whack off to it.
Posted by: fuddes on November 13, 2003 09:27 AMDear fuddes,
You are some kind of "whacky" guy. There is a rotting fence post out back is you want to whack off to that. Or perhaps you would prefer to whack off to a dead muskrat. You could eat the maggots while you do your thing. I am sure U. D. Mann would love to watch.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on November 13, 2003 12:20 PMActually, I usually just whack off in Laemkral's house when he's gone to work. His pets seem to like it a lot, and often they join in and pleasure me.
*This has been another blatant attempt to piss off Laemkral, so I can say I was the one who pissed him off enough to get him to come off his hiatus.*
Posted by: fuddes on November 13, 2003 12:27 PMI have no comments at this time.
Posted by: Winky the Walrus (no tusks anymore) on November 13, 2003 01:13 PMOk, so there are chickens in the game, but are they *fancy* chickens??
Posted by: Robo on November 13, 2003 01:45 PMWhars Uncle Jed?
Is it OK that I keep posting even though I never actually download the software?
Also, is the link below funny?
http://www.rif.org/readingplanet/bookzone/book.aspx?View=505
Whacking things with a stick is fun. Even in real life.
Posted by: Nick on November 13, 2003 05:48 PMWhacking off with numchucks is a real bash! After the first few hits, you feel nothing but a endorphin induced high and then a light comma to sleep it off.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on November 13, 2003 06:22 PMYes, that book is a true story. My traditional Amish family has forced me to raise fancy chickens in order to buy my freedom -- the freedom to pursue my childish dream of becoming a walrus wrangler in Hollywood. Pennies may not look like much, but they sure do add up. Now I have $17.89, and that's enough pennies to fill my button boots halfway!
Wish me luck!
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