War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
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FTLC stands for “finite time lines and circles.” The program creates timelines based on user input of events in time and/or spans of time . . . . Program may be considered as nearly finished or the prototype of a more complicated and polished development: only time will tell which is more accurate.
We’ll step forward to save you from the awful agony of that nail-biting wait, dear REALbasic developer, by sharing our highly educamated conclusion that your tongue-twisting app is indeed a prototype of an actual timeline creator. You know, in the same sense that the first serendipitous bloom of blue-green algae was a prototype of the fancy chicken. And your icon — well — it sucks like an Electrolux.
With an interface as poorly designed yet subtly terrifying as John Moltz’s muttonchops, this app supports our nascent hypothesis that evolution reached its coruscated apex with the bonobo. After wading bravely through the five richly textured pages of read-me bogland, we finally admitted total defeat and were forced to restore our flagging self-esteem by challenging the Crazy Apple Rumors staff to a brisk round of naked Duck Duck Goose.
HA! Losers! Ha ha ha ha ha!
So anyway — despite the intriguingly brief “history of the Earth” that is thoughtfully included in the free demo of FTLCtimelines, we balked at the hefty shareware fee of $12.50 (or one 1978 non-operational Volkswagen van, blue with white trim and rusty floorboards).
Schisa (“ske-za” hard “e,” soft “a”) Productions, you try our patience. May we try yours someday? We suggest that you lubricate this crumbly 10.3 with a largish intake of Red Stripe lager, and darken our eyebrows no more.
Posted by naomi at October 12, 2003 08:13 PM | TrackBackfirst
Posted by: heh on October 12, 2003 08:34 PMBah, what a newbish post. "first". Doesn't even have the guts to say the whole phrase. Therefore, it doesn't actually count and I'm the true first poster, even though it looks like I'm second. Such is the way of things, because it's a man's life in the British Dentistry Service......
Posted by: Laemkral on October 12, 2003 09:07 PMI've noticed something. Whenever someone steals a name, they never steal it properly. They'll typically forget to use the person's email or URL that is linked to the name, and thus the name appears not as a link but as a greyish ghost of its former self, doomed to wander the electronic wasteland that is the Internet. Woe be unto them who cause such misery to the names of the great but insane commentators here on PvT! For doth not the name have a soul that flits about with each utterance of itself? Nope.
Posted by: Laemkral on October 12, 2003 09:10 PM"educamated" should be "edumacated"
Also, if:
FTLC stands for “finite time lines and circles"
why call the damn thing FTLCtimelines? It's like saying you're going to buy some RAM memory.
Posted by: Correction O'Spelling on October 13, 2003 03:18 AM"Forward, Perversion Tracker!"
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the poster knew
Someone had blunder'd:
Their's to make hasty reply,
Their's not to reason why,
Their's but to hue and cry:
Into the valley of Ridicule
Rode the un-humored.
you mistyped the Crazy Apple Rumors protocol heading thing. Dork. While the CARS staff may be woefully inadequet at your preverse renditions of childhood jolity at least they can get their links right.
Posted by: pat on October 13, 2003 09:36 AMOkay, so I have this tiny little problem sometimes with a sticky T key. And my competitive showing in last night's sloe gin fizz drinking contest probably didn't help matters.
So thanks, Pat, for pointing out my awful tragic shameful failures IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. Now they're all laughing at me, and flinging feces, and I want to die.
But you were wrong to call me a dork.
Because you're the dork.
No, YOU.
And you can't even spell inadequate perverse jollity, which means you'll never get a job at CARS. They have standards to uphold. Unlike us.
Nah, I'm going with educamated as a valid regional pronunciation. Also refrigifrator, bassackwards, tanfastic and incredibobble. Just so you know.
Ah, perfect. "Poorly designed and subtly terrifying" is exactly what I was going for. I'll have to tip my hairdresser a little extra next time.
Also, it's conventional to actually TELL your opponents that we're playing naked Duck Duck Goose instead of bursting into the CARS locker room and running around touching everyone.
Although, on second thought, it's fine. Really. Anytime.
Posted by: John Moltz on October 13, 2003 10:21 AMHold the phone! I hate to dominate the comments section like this (remember that hate is the other side of love) but I made the fatal mistake of visiting Pat's website.
And, well, WHOA NELLY!
Posted by: naomi on October 13, 2003 10:24 AMCARS has a locker room?! We... we thought that was your regular office. True, the Jacuzzi did seem a little unusual... and the masseuse... and the fact that you were all naked...
[Top Secret Message For John's Eyes Only: I want to defect. They are holding me against my will. Please help me.]
OK, i have to say- not worth a vw van of that particular vintage... I love them too much to give one up for so worthless a software. Now a honda on the other hand... that I would give up for nothing.
Posted by: vwlover on October 13, 2003 11:18 AMYes, why is it FTLCtimlines? Are the makers of this software in any way affiliated with the US government's Department of Redundancy Department? Because if so, there is definitely a plot there by the GMC. And if not, the GMC still has its grubby, feces covered hands shoved somewhere in this scheme of things. Never trust an unevolved human. Or a deevolved one either. They are just the unwitting lackeys of a greater plot by the monkeys to overthrow us all!
And you all wondered why JFK was killed in Texas....
Here's a brilliant thought experiment. How about we try not to discuss either the Inspection or conspiracy theories for 24 hours. Will there be any thing left to discuss?
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on October 13, 2003 03:39 PMIt appears someone out there is making comments in my name (see above comment). Such a person walks a dangerous line and risks having a massive booger hemorrhage due to a lack of sharp drill bits to dig out those clogged passages. I personally don't care if they discuss the Inspection or any other conspiracy theory as long as they do it with wit.
So to the wanna be "Norm O. Tidwell" making comments in my name, I knew Norm O. Tidwell and you are not a Norm O. Tidwell. You are some witless blow up doll that "profession breeder's" practice on for demonstration purposes in front of the sheep to teach the sheep what they like the best.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on October 13, 2003 04:09 PMThe above comment was not posted by me.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on October 13, 2003 04:13 PMNeither was this one.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on October 13, 2003 04:21 PMNorm, clearly this is a plot by the GMC to discredit you in the eyes of others (as if that could be possible) and then to make people click your name to learn more about you, only to see an image of swollen nuts (as the link so clearly states. I mean come on. If you want to surprise people, name it something different. Like "fancychicken4" or "mydog". "swollennuts" is just so obvious and passé). What a fricking idiot.
And pat, cause I know its you who was trying to do it, what the hell is Inspection? Are we in the military, son? Are you trying to insinuate that there will be dress inspection at 0500 hours? CAUSE YOU ARE SO DAMN RIGHT, MAGGOT! I want to see you all in Class A dress uniforms promptly at 0450! I know the inspection is at 0500, but you WILL be here early, and you WILL stand at attention for ten minutes!
Oh, you must have meant the =][=. That shadowy organization has passed on into the um...shadows...as it as determined that Inquisitor Laemkral is needed elsewhere. So instead, you get my rampantly psychotic paranoid imagination to keep y'all company!
Enjoy.
*begins to point to crotch, then kind of pauses, hand wavers a bit, and returns to side. He then kind of just looks back and forth a bit with an odd sort of look on his face, then just walks off*
Naomi,
I realize that the odds are against it with the software reviewed here, but do you plan on using fantabulous? I'd like to know in advance so I can prepare myself. Thanks.
Posted by: U. D. Mann on October 13, 2003 06:55 PMYes, anything can happen. It's even possible that I might use the term "leveraging core assets," so please keep your seat-backs in the upright position at all times.
naomi, my seatback is stuck at a 2.75 degree angle, but my tray table is up. Is that okay, and do you know if Panther will provide additional compatibility and product support for Macs used in conjunction with airline seats?
And what if I'm on a train?
That is one big nutsack.
Posted by: Nick on October 14, 2003 11:11 AMI think we've all had that problem at some point. One thing that really can help is reading "The Berenstein Bears get the Swollen Nutters".
Posted by: John Williamsburg Nonsense on October 14, 2003 04:13 PMThat's one of my favorites, but I think this group is at a reading level where Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of The Mysterious Distended Nutsack would be more appropriate. Or even Roald Dahl's James and the Giant Nuts.
Posted by: Nick on October 14, 2003 06:49 PMOr the ever-popular french version "James et les écrous géants"
Posted by: Nick on October 14, 2003 06:57 PMEncyclopedia Brown ROCKS THE HOUSE.
But I don't remember the one about the nutsacks. Damn you, library censors!
Posted by: fancy sobol fan on October 15, 2003 07:54 PMBeep
Posted by: Phantom beeper on October 16, 2003 02:50 AMThe GMC is behind every bit of censorship. usually trying to cover up anti-monkey propaganda. dirty filthy simians.
Posted by: plain sobol on October 16, 2003 06:09 PMI wish we would all stop with the monkey bashing. Maybe I'm a monkey! If I were, I would be offended by all this. Maybe I *AM* offended ...
As for the grey name, why would I want anyone contacting me? I already have someone to pick the mites from my fur.
Oh, and censorship s***s flying monkey s***. Take that.
Oh yeah, naomi forgot the all-important pasghetti in that 10/13 post. Shame on you. Shame on you all for not catching that sooner. Shame on me for not being a "regular" here and reading these posts sooner myself.
Shame on everyone, just because. Most importantly, shame on visiting aliens, for not finding something more productive to do with your time.
*flinging monkey doo-doo around the room*
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