October 06, 2003

The Magical Earl Of Tab 0.1

magicalearloftab.jpg
The Magical Earl Of Tab allows you to quickly find and view guitar tabs on mxtabs.net for whatever song/artist is playing on iTunes! Earl puts a convenient NSStatusItem in the menubar.

A contender for PvT’s short list of truly terrible application names, Myndlink Software’s The Magical Earl Of Tab has a moniker with several important qualities:

  • Use of the term “magical,” indicating that the software will likely fail to work.
  • The coining of the phrase “Earl Of Tab,” which manages to suggest guitar tabs, yet confusingly brings an Earl into the picture. Our dictionary notes that an earl is “A British nobleman next in rank above a viscount and below a marquis, corresponding to a count in continental Europe.” Why one would care to have English nobility fetching one’s guitar tabs eludes us at the moment, although we concede that it could potentially be subtle upstairs/downstairs humor accessible only to tea slurpin’ WASPs who own at least three models of designer riding crops.
  • Its acronym is “TMEOT”, which can be conveniently re-expanded to “Touch My Enlarged & Ovoid Testes.”

In our extensive testing of TMEOT, we were unable to ever cause it to do anything more than briefly flashing a diminutive musical note symbol in the menu bar before listlessly expiring (heat stroke?). Given The Earl’s persistent shyness, we were unable to objectively evaluate any putrid attempts the application may make towards flopping its heavily-suckered tentacles onto an actual guitar tab.

Fortunately you the reader have been blessed with bold hirsute reviewers, not these puny decayed hacks on the dole of glossy magazines, whom we find to be so common in this morally terpitudinous era. As such, we have constructed a list of helpful hints to aid Myndlink Software in their endeavors to make TMEOT the very best pimp hat-sportin’ guitar tab utility available on any platform. To wit:

  • We are excessively pleased by our earlier construction of “Touch My Enlarged & Ovoid Testes,” and respectfully submit it as a more descriptive name for the application. Anagrammatically, one could also arrive upon “A Grim Attachable Floe,” or it might be better to “Heft A Malarial Gob, etc.”
  • Adding lute and kazoo tabs to TMEOT could bring a whole new class of users into the fold.
  • The Magical Grunting Pitchpipe could be a useful add-on for vocalists and symphonies alike.
  • A convenient shortcut to a Turkey In The Straw banjo tab would make searching unnecessary in 97% of all cases.
  • Making The Magical Tab Of Acid cheaply available to a larger user base would expand their mynds and could possibly make them susceptible to the almost unfathomable level of quality present in this product.

Perhaps those slippery frotteurists at Myndlink Software are displaying latent and optimistic pareidolia, but TMEOT fails to please, and we subsequently heave them a mildly deceptive 10.8.

Download The Magical Earl Of Tab

Posted by ladd at October 6, 2003 11:59 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Laemkral will now, again, talk to himself for the rest of this comment session.

Posted by: PvT Comment Summarizer on October 7, 2003 05:16 AM

I don't care who he talks to as long as he doesn't talk about the [expletive deleted] Inquisition.

Posted by: Mickey Knox on October 7, 2003 07:30 AM

I hereby declare the Magical Earl of Tab comment section to be an Inquisition Free Zone. If this stricture is violated, the response will be swift and brutal.

There. Now take back the night!

Posted by: naomi on October 7, 2003 08:16 AM

I'm still waiting for the Magical Duke of Pibb...

Posted by: Hodag on October 7, 2003 11:05 AM

The Victorious Viscount of Vodka will crush all other pretenders!!

Posted by: Mickey Knox on October 7, 2003 11:27 AM

[dangly bits snipped]

Archibald ready my ship. Make sure the provisions are loaded. No, Goddamit, I said Maxim not Stuff. That's like packing those cool flip-flops I got at Payless, instead of my Vera Wang sling backs's. Oh shit, is thing still on...

Posted by: Nick on October 7, 2003 12:11 PM

help.... somebody, please help. Archibald has gone mad. He locked me in a closet close to 2 weeks ago. He will kill us all. I only have a moment, he'll be back any second. It took a while but I stole my Hiptop back and am now beseeching thee for help... uh oh, here he comes, I have to pretend I'm passed out now. help!

Posted by: The Real Nick on October 7, 2003 12:16 PM

So, a program to help you find guitar tabs at a website? I'd say it was groovy if the creator wasn't so apprently focused on wearing his pimping hat, which I am SURE you'd never find at an Aerosmith or Rolling Stones concert. Okay, maybe Rolling Stones, but ONLY backstage.
There, went cold turkey on the "you know what" and I'm good.
Warren Commission! *flees*

Posted by: Laemkral on October 7, 2003 12:42 PM

...you bastard... I'm in a closet, like a common prisoner... Aussie, you were issued a smattering of power by That Which Must Not Be Named, right? i am transmitting coordinates to you. go there and talk to a man named "Tipperary" tell him about my situation. He will know what to do.

Posted by: The Real Nick on October 7, 2003 12:49 PM

Can we ban (you know what) from *every* comment section?

Posted by: fuddes on October 7, 2003 01:18 PM

I was getting tired of reading about Laemkral's Indigestion.

Posted by: Chip on October 7, 2003 01:32 PM

Don't worry Chip, I found some Tums. Thanks for caring. Nick, I'd help, but by order of ladd, I can't do anything related to "that group". So I'm just normal me now. Aussie boy is your only hope.
fuddes, you'll never stop "that group" mainly cause Nick actually does a slightly better job of it. I got too carried away.

Posted by: Laemkral on October 7, 2003 03:30 PM

...so that's it then... my fate is left in the lanolined hands of an austrailian. Great. Don't you see Laem, that's exactly what the heretical Van Tol's want you to think. They have you brainwashed, what with their fancy chickens and equally fancy word play. And their thongs. It's enough to brainwash any normal weakminded individual, but your an Inquisitor. Now come save my ass before Archibald blows up the world. Fucking psychotic hedgehog.

Posted by: Nick on October 7, 2003 05:09 PM

Look, I told you that the gene seed implanting process could have side effects, and they are holding me at bay with more than just panties, chickens, and word play. Either I stop doing the Indigestion schtick or I'm banned from posting. Sorry.

Posted by: Laemkral on October 7, 2003 05:36 PM

fair enough.

Posted by: Nick on October 7, 2003 06:24 PM

you know what I hate? I hate how bad Safari and Yahoo work together. I guess I shouldn't say "work together" since they don't . Mostly I hate Yahoo. Safari, on the other hand, is delicious.

Posted by: steve dave on October 7, 2003 06:26 PM

They snipped my dangly bits. I was ever so fond of them, too.

Posted by: Nick on October 7, 2003 06:28 PM

I may not be a member of the =][= anymore, but I DO have a Steel Ruler of Smackage. Name stealing is BAD! *Smacks the fake Nick* And this is for not using the term naughty bits! *smacks the fake Nick again*
Hmmm, I am so not reminded of the JFK assassination by this....

Posted by: Laemkral on October 7, 2003 07:44 PM

Let's waste some comments!

Oh, you already started without me.


Assholes.

Posted by: Comment Space Waster Pro™ 1.1 on October 11, 2003 05:14 AM

Don't we always?

Posted by: Nick on October 11, 2003 12:04 PM

lol.

Posted by: myndlink on November 28, 2003 02:01 PM

btw. The name Magical Earl of Tab sounds the same as magical url of tab; which is how I named the app. It's freeware, I really don't care if it worked for you or not- it works for me. Please continue reviewing lame rb apps.

Posted by: on November 29, 2003 11:46 PM
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