God damn it! I got first post! What program are we reviewing here?

I believe it's the 'Pull the Lever on Norm' capital punishment game. Bit surprised of it's lower score, actually.

Yeah, I know, it's 'its'...

It should be mentioned (somewhere) that this company also provides a utility named 'Rock Sexer', that helps you determine the sex of your rock...

If you want some REAL fun with virtual pets, go to neopets.com. That site has SUCH awesome pets and SUCH awesome ways to take care of them and is SO MUCH FUN!
Hmm...that doesn't sound sarcastic enough....maybe if I threw in a few eye rolls...
Well anyway, a virtual pet rock sounds intriguing, but what if I don't like the type of rock provided? I want an igneous volcanic rock as those tend to be less playful and active than say granite or marble. Also a lot cheaper as they tend to be mutts rather than a pure breed...and I don't want a big one jumping all over the furniture and wrecking the dorm. Just a small lap rock will do fine....maybe it the next version....

Frequent poster anagrams!

Leibnitz, N. = Lit in Benz
Laemkral = Lame Lark
Norm O. Tidwell = Ow, Denim Troll

Holy crap I must be bored.

Please, you call that an anagram? My handle (this obviously isn't my real name) also spells lark meal, but backwards. So I am bird food. It also spells lame karl. And no, I don't hate people named Karl, I simply do not trust them as I feel they all may be members of the GMC and I have servo skulls watch them constantly.

Here is the proper anagram for my name.

Norm O. Tidwell = Fucking nuts.

Sorry about that, I should ran it through the spell checker first.

I actually used that app some time ago. Unfortunately, my rock, uhm... died.

Is this rock-ehm-thingy, like, kosher?

(sorry couldn't resist...)

No word on whether VPR is kosher but the males are uncircumcised. The females are too, for that matter. The selection of rocks appears to include igneous varieties. The Rock Sexer utility can only be used when your rock is more than a week old. But why are you asking me these questions? Go download it and know the joy firsthand.

Because I don't want to

I wonder if Norm is actually a Denim Troll? I can't really see Norm as a Troll. I see him as more of a Mind Flayer, oer perhaps a Beholder. One big floating eye, with smaller eyestalks coming out from the top of his gigantic bulbous head. Yeah, that's Norm alright.

Dear Ow, Denim Troll,

Replace the "eyes" with "assholes" and then you got it.

Has anyone out there ever had sex with a pet rock? I was thinking of cracking some nuts if you know what I mean.

Norm, your recent activites are beginning to raise my suspicions on whether you are involved in any Slaaneshi cults (Slaanesh is the Chaos Prince of Pleasure), and so Inquisitorial agents have been dispatched to watch over you and your pet rocks (virtual and real). Kindly ignore the multitude of servitors that will be milling about your place of residence for the next couple of years, and pay no attention to the scribes either. They don't even work for me.

So... finally The Inquisition shows its hand. Monitoring hot rock-on-person action in hopes to find new recruits, is it? I'll have you know that Space Marine Tom has been dispatched. I replaced him with a replicant mere weeks ago, he has been reporting back to me via telepathy. With his information and you blurting out The Inquisitions interest in people having sex with rocks I will have enough of an edge to bring you down once and for all. The Elders will be pleased.

I thought Tom looked awfully odd since he decided to stop wearing his power armour. Fortunetly, Tom's tour of duty with me ended yesterday, so your replicant should be back on his way to Tom's Chapter. I hear they like to eat rocks.....
In his place I was issued my OWN suit of power armour for protection. And my duties extend to more than just an interest in people screwing rocks, it also applies to people massacring rocks, using sorcery on rocks, and trying to give diseases to rocks. As well as the GMC, aliens of all types, and basically people unliked by the PvT staff (excluding myself of course). That and protecting the Emperor's immortal soul from Chaos.
And I never show my hand, that simply is called bad Poker playing.
And we don't recruit the rock-sex people. We execute them.

Damn! I thought I was in. Now I might be killed.

You and Norm both, P.I. Fortunately for me I rather dislike rocks of all kinds, so I am safe. Except for my pet rock "Scruffy", he's squeezably soft. Because of my hatred for rocks, The Inquisition and myself share a common, uh, interest, if you will. Executing rock fuckers is one of the small pleasures in life. For this, Laem, I commend thee.

What the hell is wrong with you people!? I ask a question and make a simple statement and you idiots blow it all out of proportion and make my statements into something they do not say. Did I say I had, am, or will have sex with a rock? The answer is, NO I DID NOT! Let us examine my statements.

1) Has anyone out there ever had sex with a pet rock?

This is just a question? Have you made love to a rock?

2) I was thinking of cracking some nuts if you know what I mean.

This is just a statement referring to the cracking of peanuts, acorns, and walnuts between two rock. How you guys would conclude I was having sex with a rock is beyond all comprehension. On top of that, you guys present these whacked out scenarios and fantasies for which no one else in this world has a context and expect us to play along. I say it high time to up all your med levels to curb these psychotic breaks from reality.

Obviously, you guys don't know what I mean and never will.

Or maybe I knew all along but was simply keeping up a charade to fool everyone else...though the Inquisition truly does not tolerate sex with rocks. Because if it keeps happening, theres gonna be some weird cross breeding as a result. And we don't like mutants.

I think rock fucking was implied by your tone, Norm. Now that he knows The Inquisition and The Elders are against it, he's vehemently denying his sick rock fetish. We don't judge, Norm, but out superiors do. There is nothing to be done at this point, the paperwork has already been filled out. Sorry.

Yeah, I adopted one, but it's demands are simply too high. *snicker* It eats so much I fear it may become obese! *bursts out laughint*

Yeah, I adopted one, but it's demands are simply too high. *snicker* It eats so much I fear it may become obese! *bursts out laughing*

Sorry about the double post!

uhmm...how do you open the program?

hmmmm...don't have a mac...>sigh