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“Anagrammar is a text presentation tool, like Microsoft Powerpoint (except much more powerful). To present your text slides, create the required number of plain text files in the same directory as Anagrammar called “Slide 1.txt”, “Slide 2.txt” and so on.”
While clearly the world has been waiting for a text file-based presentation tool that is much more powerful than PowerPoint, what are we to make of Anagrammar’s principal claim to fame? Since this feature baffles us even more than pomegranate-flavored deodorant, we will let the authors explain it:
“Anagrammar listens to the currently selected sound input source (ensure you have a microphone selected as the input source in the sound preference panel). When there is a sound, Anagrammar will rearrange the letters in the currently viewed slide. When there is silence, Anagrammar tries the restore your slide back to it’s original state. Its not perfect. It sometimes uses capital letters where lower-case letters should be used. Whoops!”
Like an old lady with one buttock, this feature is incongruous, and defies explanation — we initially speculated that perhaps it was a presentation gambit to cause one’s audience to remain silent throughout the presentation. Yet this theory falls apart when we realize that the presenter will almost certainly need to speak while presenting. We also field-tested and eventually discarded a promising theory involving Rixster’s neuticles, chicken cacciatore, and the month of Febtober.
Finally we realized that this tool would be ideal for providing reading lessons to severely dyslexic parrots also suffering from Tourette’s syndrome — as the squawking level in the room increases, the slides become increasingly difficult to read — theoretically, this effect should encourage silence as each avian pupil reads silently to themselves. If, however, the macaw menagerie were not entirely focused on learning, the effect could be deleterious — we imagine the classroom degenerating into anarchy and wanton cracker consumption.
Yet can this potential “use” compensate for the REALbasic implementation of Anagrammar and the evidentable birdshit spattering that would accompany the teaching of such a lesson? When one adds the usurious $9 price (128.87 Estonian Krooni), the answer is a stentorian “improbable, British imperialist swine-cockatoos!”
And the trophy for most awesomest presentation application… ever! Goes to… Sorry, I’m having trouble with the envelope. Holy shit! It’s Signwave Anagrammar! You stand seventy-seven feet tall, you’ve got eight balls. But your rating is 11. If you wish, you may anagram that into… another 11. Don’t stop fronting.
Posted by ladd at August 30, 2003 11:35 PM | TrackBackIf anything could earn higher than an 11, this has to be it. It takes something special, or the lack thereof, to design a program such as this. It probably has more holes in the code than swiss cheese after a buckshot shotgun blast from a few inches away (need the distance to create a spread). There are probably more flaws in its design than exist in the logic behind the Warren Commission's entire report! If I needed some craptasticularly horrible software designed only to shred the essence of my soul from the very fibres of my body, I will find Signwave.
Needless to say, I can feel my brain cells working again as I anticipate school. As such, Inquisitorial agents have been dispatched to bring me back some pancakes.
Dear Laemkral,
happy to hear that you are preparing for a new semester. If you continue to give an account about this on these comment pages, I would recommend living a night life that is fitting this site`s original intention.
You know : perversiontracker - Moments Hallmark wasn`prepared for.
Enjoy - we will await your memories eagerly.
However much I would love to share my experiences at college with you all, I fear that this venue is neither the time nor the place for it. Okay, in hindsight I don't see how time factors in, but lets just assume that it does because it gives me another reason to not relate my entire college life here.
However, I am likely to mention the occasional incident that occurs that is worth mentioning.
Now....where ARE my pancakes? Space Marine Tom! Fetch the cooking servitor, we are making them ourselves!
You know, we visitors are often berated for our terrible language skills, and then one of the proprietors comes out with a doozy like "'principle' claim to fame." Sheeeeesh.
Posted by: A.C. on August 31, 2003 02:28 PMQuite right, A.C.
I can only blame the flu that was ravaging my body with dizziness as I wrote those ill-fated words.
Laemkral,
If you want pancakes, you'll need to roll acorns into the street. It works for Bucky.
Posted by: U. D. Mann on August 31, 2003 03:27 PM*munching on pancakes* Nah, I'm good now. I luckily requisitioned a cooking servitor who was formerly a cook at IHOP, so it makes a good flapjack. Besides, I have Space Marine Tom to roll acorns for me. However, I don't think it'll be him that gets turned into a pancake when a car collides with him....hee hee.
Posted by: Laemkral on August 31, 2003 03:49 PMAll you Get Fuzzy fans ARE using Comictastic to read it, right? And of course you're all registered users.
Posted by: Jan on August 31, 2003 07:19 PMSorry Jan, I'm not using Comictastic to read Get Fuzzy. I'm using old fashioned news-print. It even works when my cable modem service goes away for the whole morning. Call me a fuddy-duddy, but I can't imagine sitting in the, ahem, library reading part of the Sunday paper on my TiBook.
Posted by: U. D. Mann on August 31, 2003 09:25 PMU. D Mann:
Oh HO! I suppose you're one of those fancy-scmancy big-city dwellers with your LARGE NEWSPAPERS with actual amusing comics! Why, out here in poverty-stricken rural Wisconsin, we have to settle for a half-page of flacid newsprint filled entirely with a blown-up version of "Cathy!" And goddamnit, we're happy to have that!
Posted by: Jan on August 31, 2003 11:32 PMJan,
Well, I do live in "The OC" as Fox calls it. Not what I'd call a big city, but the 'burbs of Disneyland. And flacid is a good word to use when talking about Cathy. I know that if I'm ever unfortunate enough to see that insipid cartoon (let me guess, today the swimsuit wouldn't fit) that's my state. And the comics in the paper are amusing, except for Family Circus. That's a comic that rates an 11 if there ever was one!
Posted by: U. D. Mann on August 31, 2003 11:47 PMUm kids... normally I find your disses pretty clever but you missed the point. Signwave is not really a serious application development house. They are "software artists". Yeah ok groans of 'ooh that's so pretensious' aside, you're not getting the joke. Their apps are all absurd. Did you notice on their web page that they will sell you a sheet of white paper called "SleepTight" for $9.95 or you can download the PDF for free. You may find the comparison unfair but making snarky comments about this app is like complaining about the painting style in a picasso. "dude this painting is so crap. like the eyes are all screwed up."
Posted by: Yoko Bono on September 1, 2003 04:30 AMSignwave is like Picasso only in the sense that both have screwed-up eyes. It seems to me that an absurd review of an absurd application is perfectly apropos of nothing, which neatly evokes the beauty of natural symmetry and chaos theory, oh, oh, if only we had lobster telephone!
No doubt the artists of Signwave will need a little time and space to fully grasp the feathered magnitude of this tribute from their fellow artists at PvT -- but that would be a failure of their sight, not a failure of our vision.
Sorry, sorry! We know you must be self-conscious about the eyes. But we can't help staring. So big. So shiny. So beauty full.
Posted by: naomi on September 1, 2003 09:34 AMYoko Bono,
I guess even people who MOVE to Germany become humorless and effeminate. I mean if we MENTIONED it every time some application was deliberately written to be useless, then SURE, the Germans in the crowd might get the joke. But it would also spoil the subtle comic nuances for the rest of us.
Posted by: Ladd on September 1, 2003 10:25 AM" I guess even people who MOVE to Germany become humorless and effeminate."
Do you zink zet`s funny? Vee are not lauzing!
The ladies aren`t impressed either.
Im mean, think about it: inhabitants of Germany hate being considered humorless, and the girls (and any other effeminate creature) don't want by any means to appear German.
What makes you think of Germans being not so macho anyway? Still this Footbal-Soccer thing? Come on! Soccer players do not need an tank-like body armor to run full force into each other. BTW, second largest sport in Germany is handball. That´s even more brutal. And even the ladies are playing it. Effeminate that! Come to Europe, and we´ll arrange a nice handball game, you being the goal keeper.
Posted by: Younghart on September 1, 2003 11:23 AMIf the Germans are ever considered to be not masculine (especially the females), then I believe Armaggedon is at hand.
And my review of the program wasn't critical of the purpose of the program, it was critical of the fact that they couldn't make crap that at least worked. If you intend to do something, do it right, even if the entire thing is wrong. If you are gonna fail, fail big so you will look like you tried really hard and will get more funding for your next project. Wait, thats Dilbert.
A quick viewing of the Fawlty Towers episode "The Germans" should teach anyone exactly what they need to know about Germans, the British, the seventies and John Cleese's legs.
Posted by: Thuros M. on September 1, 2003 12:27 PMAll a'ya'll are subject to my thrall.
Posted by: Nick on September 1, 2003 03:10 PMOK, that was the funniest thing I've read in my life. My wife thinks I am crazy. Good job.
Posted by: Mike McHargue on September 2, 2003 08:28 PM