War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
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“A chemical tanker for a large American corporation, after an unfortunate accident with a sword fish, has spilled millions of gallons of toxic chemicals into the ocean. Thankfully, the chemicals separate after a few hours in water, but before they could disperse, an entire school of fish passing by was exposed! This has given them certain unusual mutations…”
If you’re thinking this could be the premise for a buttock-shaking space invaders clone, then you and Spent Lemon have a lot in common. When one also considers the luscious flowing leg hair you both sport, and your shared predilection for suede undergarments, one begins to wonder whether you two were separated at birth.
Unfortunately, this Director MX “game” devotes the majority of its porcine uncompressed sixteen megabytes to an extensive soundtrack. As if to compensate for this profligate expenditure of bytes, all the fish graphics are implemented as ASCII art. Furthermore, the ship and its duct tape ammo don’t look too stunning either. In truth, they are decidedly inferior to the original 1978 edition of Space Invaders, which at least bothered with hand-drawn art, and made some attempt at varying the gameplay, other than making it FASTER, AND FASTER WITH EACH PASSING LEVEL. Oh the agony! Would that my suffering were somehow relieved… A quick chopstick jab to the spleen will end my pain.
The only thing DeadFish has going for it is the possibility that at some future level, beyond that achieved by the reviewer, the mythical “Shield Generator Fish,” will make its piscine appearance. But until that perhaps-non-existant-beyond-level-ten-juncture, one must be content with a progressive acceleration of the fish, which leaves one twitchy, liberally coated in mustard, and still unentertained.
Spent Lemon, you amused us briefly, until we realized your cruel artistic subterfuge. Please accept this 100% ASCII 9.2 rating in return.
Posted by ladd at August 23, 2003 12:36 AM | TrackBackYesYesYes.
First post. HAHAHAHA.
Diediedie
Yes
Posted by: Aleksander on August 23, 2003 03:24 AMComment Space Waster Pro™ got second post today.
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BREAKING NEWS: Comment Space Waster Pro 1.0.1 is announced with better First Post Recognition and alotta bugfixes! Read More >
Is Abe Vigoda alive?
Posted by: Balthazar on August 23, 2003 10:52 AMNo. But more importantly, why isn't he dead? It seems as though he should be. He's like 91 years old.
Posted by: Nick on August 23, 2003 11:33 AMI mean 'Yes' he'a alive. Sweet Zombie Jesus, this is why you shouldn't post when you first wake up, boys and girls. Especially regarding the vitality of Abe Vigoda. Also he's only 82.
Posted by: Nick on August 23, 2003 11:35 AMQuote:
"...all the fish graphics are implemented as ASCII art."
You're living kind of fast and loose with the word art, there ladd.
Posted by: Nick on August 23, 2003 11:57 AMdood i played that game for like 6 hours straight actually if you get to later levels its actually kinda hard!
Posted by: jach mihoff on August 23, 2003 02:44 PMSo will Abe Vigoda be featured in Deadfish 2.0 and what happened to Wojohowitz?
Posted by: Balthazar on August 23, 2003 08:10 PMNick,
Are you sure your first answer wasn't correct? I think "No. But more importantly, why isn’t he dead?" sums it up nicely.
Posted by: U. D. Mann on August 23, 2003 09:04 PMI must agree with Mann. That is probably the most astute statement ever made in one of these comments. Which brings me to our next question of the day: Why hasn't this program been used as a reason for why genetic purging should be acceptable? Also, same question but with "site" replacing "program". I mean seriously. The programmers showing up....ugh....
Posted by: Laemkral on August 23, 2003 11:33 PM> "Please accept this 100% ASCII 9.2 rating in return."
Today I have no life, so I made one (which probably won't show up correctly once I post it anyway):
....................................................
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......99999...................22222.......
...99........99.............22........22....
...99........99............22..........22...
......999999.........................22.....
.............99........................22.......
............99.......................22.........
...........99..........00........22...........
..........99...........00.....22222222..
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I am still alive!
Also-LAST POST!!!!
I know the people who wrote, they this have no idea how to program, and they used bad sample code, used horrible graphics, and the final product sucked. But I'm to blame I'm the one who ported it to Mac OS X... Kill me now!
Posted by: Josha on May 7, 2004 08:23 AM