Is it possible? I actually managed to get first post?

Or has any and all 1st posts with the words "first post" in them been automatically deleted? That would explain why there are no comments yet.

p.s. The unprincipled editors of this site will no doubt look deeply into my soul and perceive that I am a sad, sad individual whose only pleasures in life are first-posting and weaving potholders out of my own bellybutton lint.

Not the worst program I've seen but man are we riddled with idiots. The program isn't so terrible but what kind of twisted individual would you have to be to come up with this useless idea. I mean c'mon people. This isn't a friggin playground over here. We are trying to lead a society. Jeez.

In college my nickname was 'Red' because I red a book once.

I may be stoopid but I have more guns then you. So there!

Ms./Mr. Asian Symbol Person:

I have serious doubts that the PvT staff will have less regard for you for simply claiming first post, since at least some of them have done it incognito, or in flagrante, or au naturel, or some variation thereof. I myself have claimed 'first post' and have suffered no more repurcussions than a recurring delivery of bags of flaming dog poop from Ming's Noodles. A small price to pay, wouldn't you say?

Congratulations on your achievement, NL

Yes, I misspelled repercussions. Get on with it.

Yes, I misspelled repercussions. Get on with it.

AND you double-posted. The misspelling I can live with, but double-posting? *shudder*

Well, Mr. Leibnitz,
it should be "in flagranti".
I guess I´ll be nitpicker of the month.
And I think I do not want to get it on with your repercussions. Nothing personal.

Leibnitz, you ten-cent tosser, you surprise me. If I didn't know better, I'd think you just congratulated the cross-eyed collector of mung beans and Abba vinyl who "first posted" us again.

Good Lord! I'd like to take the first "first poster" -- the pus-dripping pangolin pizzle -- and grill his/her testicles/ovaries over glowing coals until he/she screamed "Uncle!" and voted Democrat.

So you think you've suffered no repercussions, Leibnitz, N. Well, you've never seen a pack of hungry Long-
Billed Corellas attack a person who's been soaked in honey and rolled in sesame seeds. No, it is seldom a pretty sight (although in the rosy glow of sunset it can have certain charm).

But let's speak no more of death by a thousand parrots. Let us instead feast on a meal that speaks of love and respect. I shall be at your house at noon on Thursday with, say, some honey and sesame seeds for us to chew on. And do you mind if I bring my pet birds?

By the way, is that cashmere you're wearing? It does set off those marvellous dewy eyes of yours ...

10th post...
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psyche!

Dear Mr. aussie boy,

My, my old chap..."the pus-dripping pangolin pizzle"...quite the mental image we got going there! I am assuming you have actually seen and used a pus-dripping pangolin pizzle. So what is it like? Did you touch, taste and/or smell it? What is your favorite use of such a thing? We all wait with anticipation your for your fantastic stories with the pus-dripping pangolin pizzle.

"your for your" wonderfully brilliant

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Obviously "Comment Space Waster Pro" is a piece of shitware since it can't even insert useless blank lines in its own output! I am personally waiting for version 2.0 which can waste at least twice as much space as it does now.

It's quiet...too quiet.

Since it so quiet around here, old uncle Norm will fill the silence with instructions for a party trick. I actually did this at a Christmas party, so I am not telling you to do something that I haven't done myself.

To perform this party trick, you will need two tall classes and some chocolate milk (the darker the better). Fill one glass with chocolate milk and leave one glass empty next to it. Next, take a mouthful of chocolate milk from the first glass (but don't swallow) and spit it into the second glass with fair amount of force. Not so much force as that it ends up on the walls, but that it makes a speedy exit into the empty glass. Just keep repeating this process until someone asks, "What are you doing?" At that point say, "Explosive diarrhea." As an added bonus, immediately drink the chocolate milk from the second glass and then say, "What, it is perfectly good chocolate milk!"

When I did this at a Christmas party, you should of seen the looks on their faces and the laughter that exploded in the room as they realized what I was doing. What was even funnier was that my 5 year old nephew came up right after me and started to repeat my party trick exactly as I just did it.

So don't let it ever be said that Norm never gave you anything. Or perhaps you were just thinking, "silence is golden."

I thought I was over-bored by the silence… And then there was Norm.

Norm, I don't get it. Wouldn't saying "projectile vomiting" be more appropriate? Or perhaps your "party trick" is just suck.

Dear jan,

No, "projectile vomit" does not make sense. The presence of "chocolate" milk suggests diarrhea. Though, I suppose you could substitute strawberry flavored milk for chocolate milk for that bloody diarrhea look. If you really want to say "projectile vomit," I suppose you could chop up some carrots and lima beans and mix it in with the milk for that projectile vomit look.

If you drink enough beer, you don't have to fake a projectile vomit. And for that bloody diarrhoea, why not hang out in the local infectious diseases ward until those tell-tale stomach craps start to set in?

There's no substitute for the real thing ...

Oh crap! I meant to say "stomach cramps", of course. When, oh when, oh when will I stop being lazy and actually preview my posts ...

Yeah, never.

Here is another party trick. Get an 8 or 10 inch pie pan and fill it with your favorite nuts like walnuts or acorns. Then sit in an open faced kitchen chair or on folding chair. While you are sitting on the chair place the pan full of nuts on your lap near your hips. Grab the sides of the char with you hands and begin to jiggle the nuts in the pan with your legs. As you jiggle the nuts make contortions with your face. Occasionally laugh and make low moaning noises. It also helps to occasionally roll your eyes back. Keep doing this until someone asks what you are doing. Then say to them, "I am fucking nuts."

Norm, I'm unclear why the readership of PvT would require instruction on the art of self-inflicted stupidity, although I admit that you seem to have researched many previously unexamined nuances.

Mr. Boy, I don't know what to say.

Except maybe that, yes, it is cashmere, and some say that it does set off the blue in my eyes. You big strong boy, you...

Dear Mr. Leibnitz, N,

You wrote, "Norm...you seem to have researched many previously unexamined nuances." I have researched many such areas of stupidity. Would you like to see me shove a 20 pound sledge hammer up my ass and pull it out of my mouth? The little kids really like this party trick.

BTW, what does the "N" stand for in your name. Please don't tell us it is an initial for "Norm."

N is for Newton, that's good enough for me!

Norm, I think we would all love to see you perform that trick. I suspect many of us would pay good money to watch it. Who wants to set up the PayPal account?

PS: pulling the hammer out of your mouth is optional.

Dear Mr. Robo,

Since you will pay good money to see this, I will go even one step further and do a lap dance while pulling the sledge hammer through my ass. Just imagine Fat Bastard from Austin Powers doing the sledge hammer dance of love. Boy I am excited!

Bring lots of twenties for old Norm LIKES to be tipped!

This guy has got quite a pedigree - Source Forge, DMOZ - which only goes to show you can't trust anyone.