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Although some “oldies” have been accused of making a poor transition to OS X, Apimac Secret Folder has gone above and beyond the call of duty. Demonstrating a brilliant grasp of UNIX file security, Apimac Software has created the amazing DotInsertPro technology. Adding a dot to the beginning of a filename is the standard UNIX way of hiding a file you don’t want or need to see all the time, but Apimac has brilliantly used this feature to provide excellent security and privacy for its users.
Of course, all of this Cats & Dogs-type security comes with a hefty price tag: $19.99 (£12.2263 British Pounds). Another sad (but necessary!) casualty of Apimac’s ruthless UI simplification is the ability to use the software on more than one folder at a time. We interpret this as a sign of Apimac’s tight focus on its core feature assets. Good on you, Apimac! Don’t cave into those purple nurples who desire to find their invisible folder after “resetting” the application!
Luckily, we here at PerversionTracker place all of our secret files in one obscenely overstuffed folder on our Desktop labeled “TOP SECRET, FOR GMC EYES ONLY,” thus negating the need for such Byzantine excess. As such, we cannot help but express reservations about Apimac’s deeply dimpled approach to software development. Their chubby cheeks greedily cry for more money, yet the features are unavailable for comment.
Indeed, one glance at the interface is enough to reveal that Apimac Software must have decanted a large portion of their pickled hamster collection into the power-supply fan of their terminally ill G4 tower, thus forcing the development of this scrobiculated application to be completed using a wet cowplop and three yards of burlap painstakingly crafted into a working computer by a colorfully costumed troupe of trained pubic lice.
Further belying the bloated mindset that created it, Secret Folder features an elaborate version-checking system which threatens to turn itself on when you attempt to quit the application.
Apimac Software, you smell like fish paste that has outstayed its welcome. Take this 9.4 and never darken our towels again!
Download Apimac Secret Folder X
Posted by jan at May 28, 2003 03:08 PM | TrackBackPoooooooooooooooooop!
Posted by: fuddes on May 28, 2003 05:26 PM"...must have decanted a large portion of their pickled hamster collection..." <snip> "...troupe of trained pubic lice."
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Double Worsted on May 28, 2003 06:00 PMThis may be the most beautifully crafted sentence in the English language since the the beginning of the 17th century. It makes me weep for joy.
Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on May 28, 2003 09:27 PMErr, the sentence quote didn't show up, probably because I used the wrong brackets:
"Indeed, one glance at the interface is enough to reveal that Apimac Software must have decanted a large portion of their pickled hamster collection into the power-supply fan of their terminally ill G4 tower, thus forcing the development of this scrobiculated application to be completed using a wet cowplop and three yards of burlap painstakingly crafted into a working computer by a colorfully costumed troupe of trained pubic lice."
Posted by: Leibnitz,N. on May 28, 2003 09:32 PMHehe! Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur wholeheartedly!
(As I said, Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!") ;)
I was going to sue you for stealing my joke, but it turns out the dead can't stand up in court.
Posted by: Groucho on May 29, 2003 09:27 AMscrobiculate, adj. Bot., Zool. furrowed or pitted.
I'll forgive the extraneous "d" at the end of this fantastic word in light of the beauty and power of the sentence as a whole.
And Groucho: The dead do not shoo-bop-a-loo-bop.
Posted by: The Valrus on May 29, 2003 11:54 AMNot only do we insult the application and it's developer, we're now trash-talking their hardware!
What should the next attack target be? Parentage? Pets? Horse he rode in on? The possibilities are endless!
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Posted by: Robo on May 29, 2003 11:58 AMStalk! Stalk! Ladd! Version Tracker Pro! Look! Look!
Posted by: Anastasios Booby Chalcedonian on May 29, 2003 12:13 PMhttp://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=scrobiculated
Although less common, "scrobiculated" is also correct, and makes the adjective-ness of the word more clear to the unwashed masses.
As for Booby: you are clearly operating under some outmoded form of orthodox religion. I suggest soothing poultices, and an immediate halt to your strenuous regime of self-flagellation.
Oooh, oooh! Can I play "stalk the Ladd" too? Is there a reward for capturing him? I admit that I have an unfair advantage, being telepathically linked and so forth, but that is surely outweighed by the fact that he's very sneaky.
This might be the makings of the next Survivor.
Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on May 29, 2003 08:40 PMBe warned, I have supercharged kicking power in these hooves.
The dead do not scrobiculate
Posted by: Double Worsted on May 30, 2003 02:51 AMYou fools! You damned fools! Don't you see what you're doing? Ladd thrives on your anger and hatred and fear. He feeds on the negative energy, sucking it into his very mitochondria, where it is converted to the Darkness that spews from his keyboard.
If you really want to hurt this vile, inhuman creature in his lair, you must take away his cheese! The cheese is the key!
Fwahahahahahahahahaha! Fwahahahahaha ... hoooogh! *Hack! Hack!* Damn! Swallowed my uvula!
Posted by: aussie boy on May 30, 2003 07:39 PMDouble Worsted: I believe you mean "The dead ARE not scrobiculate." I mean, scrobiculated.
Posted by: The Valrus on May 30, 2003 08:23 PMAt least you didn't resort to that horrid habit of the modern academic, and coin the nastiness that would be ...
scrobicularized
Aaaaaaaaargh!
Posted by: aussie boy on May 31, 2003 07:13 PM