so the scale is from a 7.something to an 11? oh.... great....

i was actually hoping you would make more fun of your readers. i mean, i find it ironic that you would put them down while they are the reason for this sites semi-success. Okay, so lets say the general public isn't important to the authors, wouldn't you think PT should be password protected so that only the writers can read the stories? that would be great. and if you're looking for the perfect crowd that will never critique anything you do, the internet is not the best place. try a retirement home, they're usually too nice to say what they're really thinking.

Readers are nothing. You are nothing. PvT is All.

I like cookies.

I Like to beat the Toms. The high Toms, the low Toms, the stupid tom...

I like you, Tom. Your sense of irony is delicious. Your sense of humour is delightful. Your sense of fun is infectious. I, for one, feel terrible about my previous indelicacies, my sarcasm, my careless attitude towards my fellows. I apologise unreservedly, and undertake never to do it again.

All right. I lied about that last bit (I still like you!). But don't you get it, Tom? That post is just what the sickos here want and need. You're feeding us, Tom. You're giving us just what we need to thrive. To survive. To take over the Net! Fwahaha! Fwahahahahaha! Fwahahahaha ... urgh! Did that shite come out of my lung? Man, I gots to be seein' a doctor!

Ah, you guys are on a roll again. Good job!

No, seriously.
You're sitting on my cinnamon roll.

No, no, no, you precious little crumpets are misunderstanding us sadly. Cruel put-downs are just our way of saying: "We love you, snookums, OH SO MUCH."

We enjoy being criticized harshly by all seven of our readers -- the pain reminds us that we are alive! -- but we do not understand those who would deny us the right to counter-attack. Why, that would be unAmurrican.

Although I have to admit that our arsenal is simply a-bristle with sharp poky things, and I certainly don't blame you for being afraid of impalement. Our three weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to Nutella.

I hope this clarifies the issue for everyone. If not, well -- just because you're "slow" does not mean Jesus loves you any less.

I would like a PvT-logo'd Pudding Funnel, please.

Maybe Cafe Press could be talked into adding that blank to their available imprintable items.

I, for one, agree with tom. I'm really tired of all the jibes and abuse from the PvT staff, the sly innuendo suggesting that perhaps their readership isn't really very bright. I'm also sick of the way that they follow me around, laughing behind my back, leaving trash in my yard, and writing weird stuff in the dust on my car. And I hate it when they make me kneel down on the cell floor and clean their boots with my tongue. But what really steams me is when they suspend me from the dungeon ceiling with chains, and use first the crop, and then the cane, until the boundary between pain and pleasure disappears and I erupt in an ecstasy so intense that I lose consciousness until the next day, when they start all over again.

Oh yes, I agree with tom.

Wow. The second Liz Phair-themed song/review.

Liz must be very flattered.

I don't know those songs. I am a sad panda.

PAY ATTENTION! this isn't about the review, it's about Tom.

Actually, you have eight readers. Not seven. Eight. Maybe eight and a half.

Yup. I is that half.

Now remember kids: seven is heaven and eight is just dead weight. Seven readers really is enough, so if Mr. 8th reader would be so kind to vacate the premises, and show lil' ol' tom the way while you're leaving, he seems so lost in this reader-unfriendly oh so unfunny place where they're all so mean to all the cuddly well-willing creators of cute little programmies that try so hard. Aaahh.

I OBSERVE: “Our sentimental friend the moon!
Or possibly (fantastic, I confess)
It may be Aussie Boy's hot air balloon
Or an old battered lantern hung aloft
To light poor travelers to their distress.”

Tom then: “How you digress!”
And I then: “Someone frames upon the keys
That exquisite nocturne, with which we explain
The night and moonshine; music which we seize
To body forth our own vacuity.”

Tom then: “Does this refer to me?”
“Oh no, it is I who am inane.
You, sir, are the eternal humorist,
The eternal enemy of the absolute,
Giving our vagrant moods the slightest twist!

With your air indifferent and imperious
At a stroke our mad poetics to confute — "
And — “Are we then so serious?”

Oh, smite me now, Mistress! Smite me hard...

Hello Global Monkey Conspiracy theorists,

Can any of you tell me if the monkeys I read about this morning were actually writing REALBasic code?

Here's the link to the story.

Sorry about that, the URL didn't show up in the paragraph about. I pasted it in as the URL field. I think that'll make my name the link.

wow i have a following of people who don't know what to think of me.... call me PT from now on. ooh and quit reading my comments if you aren't going to reply with complete love for me and all of my immediate family!! i post them online for archiving purposes only, not for the public. thank you

Speaking as a regular reader (and seldom commenter) of PvT, I for one am sick of the comments from people who are so slow that they are unable to get a very simple concept: that as long as they complain about the site- a very amusing site which is provided for their absolutely free enjoyment- the reviewers will make fun of them. Personally, I would be happy if the comments were removed entirely- they are fun sometimes but for the most part they are tiresome. If you don't like the articles or the comments, go write your own satire site, genius. If you must critique, at least be constructive or clever- preferably both.

U. D. Mann:

Yes, those monkeys were working on the next RealBasic killer app, probably named something along the lines of "SSSJJMLAAJJSSMM."

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

I feel that I should remind everyone that, due to the insanely brilliant design of the PvT site, a mirror site exists that contains exactly the same content without any of the tiresome comments. This mirror can be accessed at www.pvtsodontclickthedamncomments.com.

Sorry to bother. Does anyone know if there's a TGIF website around here? Maybe a Friendly's?

Kindness is its own reward.

There is no conspiracy.

Ooo, a PUDDING FUNNEL! Arglghlarghmahmgulp!