Jan? doing her "aussie boy" impression?
Glad it wasn't him, cuz he sucks!

(this sucked less)

Rich Little:

Actually, I was posting it on behalf of aussie boy, and forgot to change the name. It's fixed now.

By the way, it's "he," not "her."

Do you know Susan Walker?

Ha ha. Budweiser and Miller. That's like assuming Foster's is the best beer in Australia.

does who know susan walker? Rich Little? "Funny" man of a 1000 voices?

Does no one get my jokes? :Sigh:

It's actually hard to say how bad US beer is, because even the major corporate US beer are regionally produced. I know that there was a time when Budweiser, fresh in St. Louis and unsullied by the Teamsters, was a decent match to more highly regarded imported beers. At that same time (20 years ago), LA Bud was disgusting sewer swill. This was a well-known reality that resulted in that brewery being closed. Pabst Blue Ribbon in Milwaukee tasted very well in Milwaukee, thank you, but was complete crap in other places in the country, and barely exists as a brand anymore.

I guess the good news is that the ongoing beer renaissance in the US is providing us with enough high quality lagers, pils, brown ales, and bocks that it basically frees us from any real downside to destroying the rest of the world. Except of course for the humanitarium thingie, I mean. Yep, that's important, too...

Leibnitz, N., thank God we have you around to enlighten us. Why did I spend $1200 on a set of encyclopaedias, when all I have to do is post on a topic, and you'll fill me in on the facts?

Next week, I plan to review the 8th-century animist tree-stump cathedrals of Moorish Spain and their impact on the Mediterranean goat-cheese industry. I can hardly wait ...

PS: You guys are as piss-weak as your beers! I thought by now I would have been attacked by a spur-wearing ninja with a Tennessee accent, and flogged within an inch of my life. Instead, I get a half-hearted comeback comprising several obscure witticisms and a lecture on the Us beer renaissance. Fair dinkum! I've got both hands tied behind my back, and I've sewn my eyelids shut with weaver ants. Come on! Who's ready to rumble?

Hmm, let's see now. Of the mass-produced beer producers in the world, the USA is the worst by far, so I won't even bother to mention it any further. However, Aussie beer isn't too great either, though drinkable, which still puts it far ahead of the US. Oops, I mentioned them again. Most UK lager is locally brewed crap varieties of Aussie and European beers, and they generally all come out of the same plant in Northampton. Crown may be better than Tooheys, which is an improvement over VB (which is NOT a bitter, whatever they tell you), but none of them are a patch on Staropramen from the Czech Republic, or even local (Amsterdam) varieties of Heineken. Get real, the best lager is from Europe! Now, comparing Aussie beer to UK "beer" is silly - they are not even the same drink. UK bitters and other real ales may seem 'warm' to you but that's because like a fine wine, chilling them is simply wrong! (6 to 10 degrees C, which isn't warm really) The best of them are not mass produced and the delicious taste is out of this world - far more complex and interesting than any lager anywhere. Curiously enough, I did stumble upon a small brewery in Sydney making a very credible range of beers that were comparable to the best UK beers, so there's hope for the Aussies yet!

By Tooheys I mean Tooheys New - not sure what Tooheys Old is supposed to be, but I don't personally like it.

The "Blur" in "Tony Blur" must refer to your vision, you clotted mass of pustulous threadworms. Can't you read? I want a fight, not a lecture! Lay on, McDuff!

PS: Tooheys Old is a superlative drop, moving more towards the stout (though I know it's not a stout, so don't bother going there). Funny you should mention it, because I consume it as my tipple of choice, largely because it doesn't seem to impose a temple-crushing hangover like it's New brother does.

Guys, try Chimay and come back later. There is very little brew worth mentioning outside that small patch of a land called Belgium (and these guys want to split that courtyard-sized country in two... Sigh!)

Those vicious Nazis stole our beer during the war. They took it away to massive storage vats in Switzerland, where it still lies awaiting consumption by its rightful owners. The Gnomes of Zurich have much to answer for, but the Pissed Pixies of Payerne ... Do not even start me on them! Isn't that right, Hansel. Hansel?

Hansel, your personal hygiene really is getting out of hand! Look at that leg! Strips of flesh hanging off it everywhere. How can you let the cat chew on it like that!

You guys obviously don't know what your talking about.

Take a trip to the Czech Republic, sample some pivo, and then come back and talk about beer.

http://www.beer.cz/

You sod: how could you forget to mention James Boag Premium?

The ONE decent thing we did in this arse end of an island to improve the nation and you bloody forget it!

(Well, we've contributed three things: there's our superlative beer, David Boon, and the fact that we donate our second heads to the poor little Queensland babies, who are born with no head at all.)

Aussie Boy--had you posted this a year ago, I would have gladly fought the good fight and extolled the virtues of my Pacific Northwest Microbrews.

Living in Boston, now, I can hardly remember what decent beer tastes like, and find myself eagerly drinking any import I can get my hands on. I have no idea what the brew masters on this side of the country are doing to their malted barley and hops, but they should be severely punished for it.

An old Puritan song popular when our forefathers brought their desire for beer across the water, but couldn't afford barley and instead substituted such atrocities as corn, potatoes, or artichokes to fuel their fermentation:

If barley be wanting to make into malt,
We must be content and think it no fault,
For we can make liquor to sweeten our lips,
Of pumpkins, and parsnips, and walnut tree chips.

This song is apparently still used as the guidelines for New England brewing... They'll drink anything in Boston if you tell them its beer.

Well, Blurry Tony, you are on the right track! If you already like Staropramen, take the small step over to Pilsner Urquell. To all the halfeducated who happen to improve their literacy over here: It is, as the name already suggests, from Pilsen, where all the craze started. Urquell means "the very source of it all, dude". Although they do not put Bilsenkraut (Hyoscyamus niger) into it anymore - those were the fun days!
May I maybe remind the glorious history of australia, which started out as a European jail colony? This could mean some stuff - for example, they made up their bewing skills by putting to gether what was on a con´s mind. On the other hand, there definitely were a whole lot of people right from the beginning who really didn´t fit into European aristocracy and sure knew how to party!
The radical puritans etc., they sent over into the other direction back then. What´d you expect?

Why cannot we all be good friends and agree on a nice IPA, so chalked full of hopps that wherever it is bought it come with the same wholly preserved taste that it was originally imbued with.

Okay, so Australian beer may or may not be better than anyone else's local swill, but good luck trying to find a decent version of Vegemite in Brno. Hah!

Fight?! You want a fight over beer? Fighting over beer is about as much fun as case of genital warts and lasts lonoger. It is a silly and unworthy endeavor.

Silly because it will always descend through "Is not!" "Is too!" and into name calling. Only a turgid mass of degraded goat dung or an Austrailan would do that.

Unworthy because there are much better things to argue about OVER beers. Important things like US Foreign policy and which waitress has the best rack and whether the bar is being run properly.

There are also many things which we can univerasally agree upon. For instance, the beer in American sports stadiums is an atrocity that must be dealt with forcefully and without reserve.

So band together, my brothers of the brew! I am in an especially jully mood because this thread reminded me that I still have one remaining Gambrinus in the fridge, lovingly delivered from Prague. It's yummy!

Tonight is $2 pint night at the brew pub nearest my house, and while the current selection they have on line is missing my favorites, you can bet I'll be there. I like my beer like I like my women - cold and bitter. Show up at Callahan's and I'll buy you one, too.

Oh, and by the way, IS TOO!

Who wants to bet that aussie boy is five feet tall or less?

Sorry, it really is true about Australian beer. Best lager in the world is Monteith's.

All that Texas bashing and you don't talk about Pearl Longnecks?
And no mention of www.camra.org?

Shitty beer. *AHEM*, one word: "Foster's"

If that is what you Ausies call beer, I truely fear for you. There are far more good bears in America if you actually look for them. Please do not judge us by [sic] Budweiser or [hack] Miller. Even *THIS* American will not drink that swill.

There is a little brewing company here is Seattle that goes by the name of "Hales". If you ever get out this way, give 'em a try.

I like the "Doublin Style Stout".

What ever happened to weed? Back in my day, folks realized that alcohol would ruin your life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against altered conciousness, just not from a concoction that makes ugly women look pretty, and makes your sloppy chili cheese dinner make a run for the border......

Well, it seems a few of you limp noodles have got a bit of lash left in you, thank the good gods around us.

First things first. SFB, try 6 feet 1 inch tall. So I'm not suffering from "small-man syndrome", which is the implication, if I read you aright. I don't drive a big, over-powered gas-guzzler, and I feel no need to pick fights in the front bar of the local pub. (I've always thought the best way to get out of a fistfight was to talk, and the second-best way was to run.) My feistiness is merely the result of the need for repartee, for some cut and thrust. But it seems most of you have been cut, and have very little thrust at all ...

Second, Fosters is not an Australian beer. Sure, it started out as one, but it is now the product of a multinational company owned by a naturalised citizen of the United States of America, and as far as I know isn't even brewed here any more. And if it is, it shouldn't be! What a waste of barley, hops and water. I herewith, on behalf of all decent, clean-living Australians, renounce any genuine and ongoing link between Fosters (which, let's face it, tastes like something that might have dripped off the pizzle of a syphilitic buffalo) and the South Pacific Empire of Australia.

The upshot of it all is that in the end, you've almost redeemed yourselves (even you, the Tasmanian -- you didn't think I'd forget you again, did you?), and to such an extent that if you're ever in Cooktown, look me up at the local pub and I'll shout you a beer.

DISCLAIMER: The author, having never been to Cooktown, and living some three day's drive from there, reserves the right to rescind the above offer at any time. Besides, it's your shout ...

CarbonCopy--ahhh, Hales. It is a fine brewery, indeed. I remember it fondly, and often dream pleasantly of the many kegs of Drawbridge Blonde tapped in my house last year.

Just three weeks until I make the long drive back to Seattle... Fueled by my mad desire for Moose Drool, Drawbridge Blonde, and Mac & Jacks--oh, and my hatred for Boston (does spring exist on this side of the country, or do you people really tolerate 7 months of frozen misery followed by 4 months of sweltering humidity every year?).

Younghart, I may have been trying to think of Pilsner Urquell but came up with Staropramen - either way they are both infinitely better than Tooheys! However, as I live in Oz, there isn't much I can do about that, so Tooheys it is. Maybe too much of it has addled my memory! I used to be able to get PU in the UK, but haven't seen it here. Funnily enough the best beer I ever had in the USA was in Hawaii, which was a pretty respectable brew. The worst US beer I ever tasted ever ever ever was something called "Schlitz" - dunno if it still exists but to me it tasted like warmed over Cocoa steeped in the fetid remains of some soiled underwear left on a compost heap for three months. I can only assume that it was named by a committee who wanted to give it an exotic, Czech sounding name, while unable to quite get away from the fact that it did, in fact, taste of shit.

Oh yeah, the Schlitz is definitely the shit. And how about the Schlitz Malt Liquor variety, hmm? Not to mention Colt 45, although I just did.

You can peruse the sordid history of the Pabst Brewing Company at www.pabst.com -- apparently, the whole shebang was set in motion because "Maria thought Fred was a hunk."

Damn you, Maria!

The site also contains this juicy morsel: "In the mid 70's, Australians were the third biggest beer drinkers in the world. In the late 90's, they don't even rank in the top ten."

Take that, aussie boy! And drink faster!

The most wonderful part, I think, is that the entry page on the website checks your ID -- you must be 21 or older to read about beer. America, you are also the shit.

And I mean that!

Damn! Another area in which Australia has become terminally complacent. Curse you, Naomi, for always being correct (but never right)!

All right, then. The gauntlet has been hurled earthwards, and I am nothing if not up for a challenge! Beer, say your prayers, you frothy son of a bitch! Be you Tooheys (swill of the masses), or be you Coopers Extra Special Stout (oh, ye nectar of the gods), tonight you die!

[SFX: Hissing, gurgling, belching, farting. And then someone opens a beer.]

Didn't this site once review software? Should the title be changed to "PerversionTracker: Undeniably Useless Pontification"? And then Ladd's review above consists of 5 words. You guys having a slow week, or what?

Can't believe no one has mentioned Canadian beer! What about the fine beers brewed here in my city by Molson, like Ten Penny or Moose Red? What about Alpine, Schooner, Keith's and Sleeman's? And what about the fine Mexican cervezas that I usually drink because I can't stand my own country's beers? What about Corona and Sol? Hell, what about Guinness, the beer that drove me to watch the World Cup? Won't somebody please think about the children?!?

ahem ... i too could not believe i had to scroll through 30+ comments to get to the first mention of The Great White North. What's the deal? This *is* the nation that is responsible for the McKenzie brothers (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0086373) after all ...

We have some truly great brews here. If you have never had a bottle (or pint) of Sleeman, Amsterdam, Steamwhistle, Upper Canada, or Brick you are definitely missing out - and that's just in southern Ontario! All regions across the land boast scores of outstanding and unique local flavours (with Quebec holding title for the best-named beer ever - "Le Fin du Monde").

That's not to say all is well in Canuckistan though. We produce our fair share of crap brew as well - the Molson and Labatt corporations being the worst offenders. Although the local divisions do produce excellent varieties as Weak Sidney pointed out, it's the national brands that suck dog balls ... and watch out if they ever try to take one of their local brands national (eg. Keith's IPA or Kokanee). Molson even has the audacity to brand their top selling bottle of goat piss "Molson Canadian" ... for shame!!!

While i'm bitching, i should also mention that pride in the local brew ebbs on the low side here in da T-dot, where engaging in local culture assination is the norm ("if it's canadian, it must be second-rate" mentality). All the wannabe hipsters wouldn't be caught dead out on a Saturday night without the latest trendy European green-bottle brand in hand ... i curse the day Stella Artois landed on these shores! meh.

As the menus at my local pub say - 'drink locally, act globally' ... hopefully i'll get a chance to sample local Aussie beer in person some day. Cheers!

A word of advice, Brit: Think beyond the square you live in.

Let your hair down, have some fun, play in the mud ... Life's too short, my pigeonholing friend.

Dear Naomi,
I happen to miss an update to your blog. Maybe I am the only one, perhaps it´s because there aren´t so many biologists reading PvT, but alas! should this set you back?! Increase the number of your monthly posts especially on the grounds of May! Yes, your opinion is worthsome!

Dear beer-drinkers,
keep improving! There was a time when I drank Molson, but only because I was fed up with Coors Lite and Bud whatchamacallit, and I was on a bender - or on a stretcher? I cant´distinguish...
Foster`s, to all of you who didn`t realize yet, is not a beer, but a brand name. Tourist guides make fun of people if they aren`t in time for bus departure by pulling them into the next bar with a hat (with wine corks attached) and forcing them to order a Foster`s. They`ll never be late again. And I can tell you, because half of my continent seems to be obliged to spend at least a month in aussie-boy´s realm!

Altogether, in the words of L. Reed: Hookie-Wookie!

Y.

One of the first things my Aussie friends dragged me to when I was in Oz was a Belgian Beer Cafe. 'nuff said.
The prices they charged for a plain Grimbergen Dubbel beer overthere made me piss a whole pint of lager though.

I do not trust a beer which is transparant. You can make me do pretty much if you promise me a Rodenbach Grand Cru. And although they are looked upon as women's beers, do try the fruit beers (Lindemans, Lambik)

For serieus swilling, I prefer a Guinness (Black Velvet is more bearable although some of you will choke at the thought of mixing Guinness with cider)

As for us splitting up our courtyard-sized country; must be all the beer we're drinking.

I reiterate! Drink OV! Yes, OV!

Old vagina lager beer!

Just a quick note, Australians don't drink Fosters. We export that shit.

i typed in soceity+flannelette and this site came up.

that is all.

schadoinkle

two words,trout slayer.
you figue it out.
fuck i hate australians.
lived here for a year and cant wait to go back to america,not that i like americans that much.
you aussies need to get a life.
you and your 3rd world shit hole can suck my cock

WoW!
Beer...yeah...Beeeeerrr....the nector of the Gawds...and all Canucks. We are proud to brew great beer in this beautiful country.

But we are not so ignorant as to think that no one else can do it.

We have plenty of skanky beers on the market as well...catering to our visitors...makes them feel a little less homesick i guess.
I would love to elaborate in more detail on this futile subject...but i don't have the brain capacity nor the time to dwell...
Gotta go get some vitamin K... A date with Keith...or for the rest of you...Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale...after that i'm going to the micro for some nice Garrison Red...
That is, as soon as i find my keys...
ta for now and happy hangover!

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supras are sic

jacob is gay