War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
Sponsored by
L337.com
You are sapping our youthful vigor with your bland and pointless commentary. Do you think this website was created for your enjoyment? It was not. Do you think the comments section is merely a vehicle for your inanity? It is not. If you continue this trend toward the lowest common denominator (a.k.a. “Joe Bob”) we will be forced to take a page from the fascist handbook of the jackbooted John Moltz and disallow reader comments. Or we will be forced to edit them so they are witty and interesting and semi-literate. Or we will come to your house and stomp your keyboard. Or possibly our reviews will become book-length and filled with irrelevant foreign accents, zut alors! You cannot know which direction our wrath will take, because we do not know ourselves. Oh, sinner man, where you gonna run to now?
Posted by naomi at April 21, 2003 03:08 PM | TrackBackI am a mindless testosterone-poisoned drone. I always need to be first at everything, which is why my friends have deserted me and I will be alone forever. Once I wanted to be mayor of Thornton, Colorado, but was beaten by a monkey. Now pudding is my only reason for living.
Posted by: First Post on April 21, 2003 03:58 PMI told you Ladd was a Nazi-Zionist-Communist-Muslim-Dictator-Totalitarian-Dell user!
But oh, how wrong I was.
Posted by: Bobby on April 21, 2003 04:06 PMCan't you try to be more like CNN and less like the perfect goddess that you are?
Thanks!
John Williamson Johnson "Willy" Johnson, Jr. IIIV
Posted by: John Williamson Johnson "Willy" Johnson, Jr. IIIV on April 21, 2003 04:27 PMOoh, what brought that on? My hemorrhoids are KILLING me. So far from what I've seen the reader comments have been just about as funny as the reviews (and sometimes funnier when I'm really really drunk). No need to throw a hissy-fit! Just pretend this comment is funny and everything will be okay.
p.s. No doubt the unscrupulous owners of this site will edit my words so that I appear dumber and less attractive.
Posted by: Wile E. Bitterwhinger on April 21, 2003 04:47 PMWile E. Bitterwhinger, you brought this on. Burn in the feces of my monkey.
Posted by: Etan on April 21, 2003 04:58 PMPooooooooooooop!
Posted by: fuddes on April 21, 2003 05:37 PMEtan, I have burned in the feces of your monkey. You should be served soon with information about damages and pain and suffering compensation. I will consider settling out of court for two packages of that Nickeloden Gak Splat that my kids love so much.
Posted by: stizzzzoned on April 21, 2003 05:37 PMWhoa d00d! So they really DO edit our shite to make it funnier and spelt in the proper British mode! Way to go, old chaps. Next you can try re-editing your reviews to make them dumber, so people like me can keep up.
Posted by: Wile E. Bitterwhinger on April 21, 2003 05:46 PMZounds! I am so unbelievably fortunate that Naomi is off work today, so that my shite can be unethically edited in real time!
Zounds, Naomi? I think I'm in love (again). If Ladd won't bear my children, will you? Oh, and in future I'll host all my comments in Hydra so you can all help turn them into endless rambling crap that we can then offer up to the bored readers with some lame excuse about it not being our own work.
Posted by: Wile E. Bitterwhinger on April 21, 2003 05:58 PMOh look! It's trying to think! How cute!
There, there Ladd. Someday people will just clap at your wit and not try to be funnier. But not, I think, today.
mneptok has spoken.
p.s. No doubt the owners of this site would endorse my enlightened views, but they might also wonder why Ladd always gets blamed for everything around here.
Posted by: mneptok on April 21, 2003 06:01 PMI don't know why, but I've always liked the remake of "The Thomas Crown Affair." I blame Rene Russo.
Posted by: Rob on April 21, 2003 06:05 PMI grow weary of your sycophantic flattery, Wile E. Bitterwhinger. You simply must stop begging everyone to have sex with you -- it's unladylike, and it scares away the customers.
Perhaps you need to write The PerversionTracker Guide to Witty Commentary. I am sure most of the posters would appreciate some pointers.
Nobody ever begs me for sex.
Posted by: Rk on April 21, 2003 06:44 PMThey say that banter is a rare gem, but shite comes by the toilet-full.
Posted by: stizzzzoned on April 21, 2003 07:52 PMThere once was a rabbi called Keith
Who circumcised boys with his ...
Mother, please don't interrupt. I'm trying to put the puerile back into PerversionTracker!
Well, no, I don't know whether children read the site, mother ...
I will not drop my trousers, mother! No, no ... Aaargh! Not the wet rope again!
Posted by: aussie boy on April 21, 2003 07:59 PMYou shall feel the crushing humiliations of the Crazy Apple Rumors Staff. The Entity shall ionize your cells until they burst. Chet shall beat you with a baseball bat, and then his girlfriend will send Apple Legal to litigate you until you are desolate and baren. John'll probably do all the actual work in both of the previous humiliations. Howard will take pictures of your vomitous corpses. and Masako will redsign your pathetic excuse for a website just to spite. Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!
hs hah hahhah ahahhaa
a
ahyahga agha ahaa
huh...
Actually Masako says your website is coded quite nicely.
Huh.
Who'd a thunk.
she is going to stomp on your entrails though.
ha haha hah aha hahaaa
al
Posted by: sequoia on April 21, 2003 11:55 PMHey, why not do a full blown review of user commentary.
I like it when people beg me for sex. I have no problem whatsoever with that concept. Here, watch (I know you guys REALLY like to watch)...
Me speaking to myself: "Do you want to have sex? Please, please, please,...I'll be your friend."
Me responding to myself: "Sure, I'll have sex with you, but be sure not to forget the blender this time."
On a side note, don't you think it is high time that the people at PerversionTracker offer anatomically correct life size plastic blow-up dolls of themselves. There is a lot of pent up demand out here and it would make great advertising as I carry my PerversionTracker blow-up doll down the street with the web site URL pasted across its naked little butt.
Posted by: Man Without a Cause on April 22, 2003 09:30 AMThe commentaries tend to ooze into the surreal so quickly here, that I'm often pretty sure I'm going to trip over the corpse of Bill Burroughs.
Posted by: Hodag on April 22, 2003 12:36 PMIf I really *had* a red pecker, then I guess it would be funny or something.
Posted by: Red Pecker on April 22, 2003 02:10 PMI appreciated the nod to Nina Simone, on the day of her passing.
It's sad that such a talent has left us; I hope she's someplace where she can sing forever.
Posted by: Tyler on April 22, 2003 03:49 PM*nm*
Posted by: cfenger on April 22, 2003 03:53 PMQue? me from barcelona
Posted by: Manuell on April 25, 2003 07:04 PM