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Yet another example of why color-blind metallurgists should never design applications, WAFInspec delights with its misused “textured” interface, questionable concept, and Neanderthalic implementation. WAFInspec purports to “browse, preview and extract contents of Web Archive Format type files, like the cache files of Microsoft Internet Explorer.” Oh joy! I can finally browse my IE cache, just as I’ve always dreamed! Will I be a REAL boy now, Gepetto?
Even if you are masochistic enough to hunker down with Internet Explorer in your dank lair for long enough to build up a cache of Horny Housewife porn, you will be sorely disappointed when you try to browse the fruits of your painful grunting labors. If your experience is anything like ours, as soon as you try to open a cache file you’ll be thwarted by that floating specter of doom: the Hypnotic Monkey Beachball. Although WAFInspec claimed to be “Loading…” it made no attempt to communicate any signs of progress or failure in the 40 minutes (including frequent bathroom breaks) it took us to write this review. Perhaps there is a subliminal progress indicator hidden within the bitter heart of the Beachball, though we dared not look too closely for fear of becoming the unwitting agents of the Global Monkey Conspiracy.
From its appearance, we can surmise that WAFInspec is intended to provide a table listing all of the items in your cache, from which you can select an item to export. But seriously, doesn’t that sound excruciatingly dull? We can only imagine three things duller than that, and two of them involve numismatics. The other one may, or may not, involve Republican mating rituals too sickening to mention here. Wouldn’t want to spook the ponies, eh Alec?
Although we cannot adequately critique the functionality of this torpid nonstarter of an “application,” the interface contains several trifling flaws which we will expound upon fulsomely. First and foremost, obviously, is the metal interface. As you all know (What you say? You DON’T know?!), Apple recommends that applications that “provide an interface for a digital peripheral” or “strive to re-create a familiar physical device” should use the metal interface. Clearly, this applies to WAFInspec since it strives to recreate the look of the popular CacheViewer 2000 Rotisserie from Kenmore. Unfortunately, it fails to reach a temperature high enough to give my giblets the brown crackling texture I require for maximum sensual pleasure.
As if the metal interface isn’t enough to give any right-thinking person a galloping attack of hysterical hiccups, WAFInspec also triggers our gag reflex (and we’ve eaten Giant African Snails, please remember) with its needlessly Lilliputian scroll bars and stimulatingly demonstrative preferences dialog. These putrid drops of UI smegma baffle our mighty hindbrains even more than the name, which lacks a ‘T’ for no apparent reason, other than the incoherent excuse of a “typo.”
Executive Computing, you make Jello Jigglers seem akin to spinal fluid! We aren’t at all sure what this means, but it’s definitely bad news for you. And your pet ferret too. Using advanced spinal biopsy technologies, we have determined that an 8.9 rating would fit you better than those pants you’re wearing. Khakis with internal galluses? You disgust us with your pitiful attempt at waterproof trousering. As if you could possibly hope to fit in with a gang of littoral sophisticates such as ourselves. Faugh! That is what we say to you. You smell like the internal membranes of a badly pickled herring! Good day, sirrah.
Update: This morning, WAFInspec 1.0 was released, with a nod to us. Amazingly, it appears our review actually influenced this version. The window is no longer metal, and the scroll bars are the normal size. Ahh, so much better now. If only I wanted to view my IE cache.
Posted by jan at April 15, 2003 04:20 PM | TrackBackAre you sure this isn't the WAFInsphincter?
Posted by: Dr. Colon on April 15, 2003 04:31 PMThere is no conspiracy.
Don't even start on metallurgists... we're nothing to do with that "brushed metal" abomination, OK?
Stick to what you know best - the rectal passages of Antipodean marsupials.
You have been warned.
Posted by: Wyle E. Metallurgist on April 15, 2003 06:25 PMProvocative liberal political comments about the sexual habits of Republicans make the enjoyability of said site strangely exciting. For being politico-sexualist in a away to annoy 1/24th of your visitors I gibe you a 62.5 (12.73 Euros) on the titillation meter.
Posted by: derPlau on April 15, 2003 06:43 PMWAFInspec. Waffen SS. Hmm! Secure the duckpond, Hansel! They're back!
Posted by: Dutch Resistance on April 15, 2003 07:27 PMThe lack of the "t" is so the application name can use that glorious 8.3 naming convention. Gotta love it.
Posted by: Fidget on April 15, 2003 10:42 PMHere's a thought -- what about "iWAFInspec"? That would just about ice the cake -- with worm-infested gorilla turd!
Posted by: aussie boy on April 16, 2003 01:19 AMThis one wasn't bad enough. Parts of the screenshot were almost decent. :(
Posted by: Rixster on April 16, 2003 07:10 AMIf WAFInspec is meant to adhere to 8.3 naming standards, they have an additional crime in that they can't count.
And nor can you.
Posted by: Fidget Corrector on April 16, 2003 08:54 AMI was disappointed that this post didn't have a single valid gripe in it. I don't visit perversiontracker regularly, so I don't know if this is a first (I'm guessing not).
1) The interface is making use of a familiar and established way to present a list of records with a lot of fields, as iTunes does. Furthermore, Apple's guidelines state that the brushed-metal interface is intended for single-window apps, which makes it more appropriate for this app than for Safari, for example, which the purists are still complaining about.
2) The program was quite useful for me. There was a video online that I'd been wanting to download (a commercial), but the company showed it inside a shockwave movie for protection. After trying with Safari and then with Internet Explorer I couldn't figure out how to get at the file. I saw WAFInspec here and tried it out, and after a few clicks I had the video file sitting on my desktop, extracted from IE's cache file, as well as the source URL.
3) The software is version 0.3! And it works. What more do you expect?
I'd love to see a parody of this site using Apple apps (which will certainly give you a spinning beachball from time to time): "Perhaps there is a subliminal progress indicator hidden within the bitter heart of the Beachball . . . From its appearance, we can surmise that the Finder is intended to provide table listings all of the items in your folders . . . But seriously, doesn?t that sound excruciatingly dull? We can only imagine three things duller . . . And why is it called the "Finder"? What kind of a [adjective] name is that? If all it could do was FIND things it would be no better than your favorite [verb]ing [adjective] [noun] . . ."
-- David
Posted by: David G on April 16, 2003 09:29 AMDavid:
1) Actually, Apple's guidelines say nothing about single-window apps. So the usage here is still incorrect. And I never said the table was bad, in fact that is probably how I would do it if I were writing this app.
2) If it worked for you, great. However it refused to work for me.
3) I expect that people won't take the reviews so seriously...
How exactly would you parody this site? I can't imagine. Go even MORE over-the-top? And why would reviewing Apple's software have to be done by a parody site? This isn't "Apparently Useless Software Excepting Apple's Perfect-in-every-way Software," after all.
Best,
-Jan
Yes, the site is already pretty silly, and I know it isn't to be taken seriously. The matter is somewhat confused though by the fact that you review decent software alongside pointless, semi-functional, bloated, visually appalling RealBasic apps that deserve every word you say. What I found interesting is that with enough vagueness and arguments like "I don't like it, it's dull, the author's a loser" you don't need bad software to do your thing. With slightly more content-free articles you could take on any piece of software at all. Of course, that comes in handy if you only have 15 minutes to find something bad. :) Anyway, your site is certainly funny for what it is.
Oh, and upon re-reading your article I finally remembered about the Kenmore *WebBrowser* 2000 Rotisserie (complete with multiple windows) -- Apple is standing by their guidelines after all.
-- David
Posted by: David G on April 16, 2003 02:43 PMYes, it's hard to find truely bad software sometimes, so we have to make do with what we have. And we can't just mention a few things that slightly annoyed us, can we? How boring would that be? It's only fun if we can be mean-spirited and full of bile!
Posted by: Jan on April 16, 2003 02:54 PMThat's the spirit, David G. I think you've finally got it! Now click your heels together and repeat after me: "There's no place like home ... There's no place like home ..."
Posted by: aussie boy on April 16, 2003 04:21 PMHip hip hooray for WAFInspec 1.0!
Finally we meet a programmer with a sense of humor!
Posted by: bolgar on April 16, 2003 05:08 PMThe metalificated appearance was removed for the version 1.0 release due to PvT. Yay!
I must admit I haven't tried this app yet as I'm far too fearful of the Hypnotic Monkey Beachball and the GMC to take such risk at this time.
Posted by: Double Worsted on April 16, 2003 05:33 PMSo, Hansel, they think that by changing a few superficialities they can get away with it! Well fire up my twin-engined fighting clogs and strap a grenade to the duck. I'll show those vicious Nazis that we never forget!
Oh Hansel, have you seen my zimmer frame?
Posted by: The Dutch Resistance on April 16, 2003 08:55 PMJan,
it is great to see you responding so reasonably to criticism. Also, love your reviews - off-the-wall and funny, without using strained analogies.
Keep up the great work!
Posted by: me again on April 17, 2003 11:34 AMThis is an X program I've been looking for -- to uppack WAF files from IE's "Save as." WAC is/was classic and apparently still isn't available. Yes, I get only the spinning beachball, but then, the developer's page says it's made for 10.2.5 and MAYBE earlier. Well, I'm at 10.2.4 and guess I'll have to wait 'till it's safe to get 10.2.5. SO you've found the one person out here who could actually USE WAFInspec.
Posted by: on April 17, 2003 12:36 PMIs it just me, or is this thread too, too sad for words? First an irate developer, then Jan gets all lovey with him, then they kiss and make up and then... some sucker tells us all that he's glad he found this scum-sucking app - EVEN THOUGH IT DOESN'T WORK for him. Too sad for words!
Posted by: Norman R Andrews on April 17, 2003 01:35 PMOoh! But thanks to PVT's constructive criticism it's rather good now, isn't it? Mmmwah! Mmwah! I love you all, darlings. Pass the lube when you're done with it, Aussie Boy.
Posted by: Norman R Andrews on April 17, 2003 01:43 PMI love you, you love me, we're a happy family.
With a great big hug and a kiss from you to me, won't you say you love me too?
Oh Jan, I think I'm in love. Will you bear my children and learn how to irresponsibly use a large-calibre fire-arm?
Posted by: Norman R Andrews on April 17, 2003 02:13 PMHey Norman, you freak, don't go draggin' me into this, baby! It's my lube, and you can't have it!
You don't like constructive criticism? Well here's some unconstructive stuff for you! Your comments are as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike, as helpful as a can of petrol at an orphanage fire, and as insightful as ... as ... as Donald Rumsfeld's analysis of the media coverage of the post-battle looting situation in Baghdad! So there!
By the way, if Jan doesn't want to bear your children ... Well, you know where to find me!
Now crawl on back to Charlton, you wet, wizened wallaby's willy!
Posted by: aussie boy on April 17, 2003 11:33 PMFor OS 7/8/9 users WebArchivConverter http://www.icab.de/download4.html from the iCab folks turns .waf files into zip archives. 68k & PPC (no OS X version available).
Posted by: icb on April 18, 2003 12:20 PMI am a hobo in the house of the lord.
Posted by: Iturralde Lucilla on December 10, 2003 03:29 PMI actually had a use for this! God, I'm so ashamed.
Posted by: Cyanide on May 29, 2004 09:05 PM