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If we had any journalistic integrity, we would probably avoid reviewing this application due to the fact that it is written in pure Java, and obviously designed for Windows. The theory being that Java applications, having not been written with Mac OS X in mind, can have their portentous interface peccadillos excused. But it’s all moot, since we have even less integrity than a certain Mac rumor site before Macworld.
The first thing we noticed about Secure FTP was how difficult it is to download. You must click through five pages of drivel before you are granted the privilege of an actual download link.
The second thing we noticed was the icon, which although quite nicely rendered, featured the name of the company on it, instead of any sort of iconic representation of an FTP application. The company’s name is “Glub Tech.” Glub glub. A minor quibble, perhaps, but it disturbs the inner UI designer in us. For the next few paragraphs however, we recommend a preventative course of eye-gouging and pain medication overdose.
Upon launch, a license agreement was presented, with a rather unique Agree button. It was a standard Aqua default button, except it pulsed at about triple the speed of a normal button. Like a panting, slobbery dog on a hot day, this button was something to avoid. So we pressed Return to avoid clicking it. Certain disaster was averted.
I really think you would be better off painting yourself red and prostrating yourself in a chicken coop than exposing yourself to the horror that is Secure FTP’s interface. If you choose to continue using the application, you would treated to that atrociously abominable aberration known in the Windows world as MDI. In other words, multiple windows-within-a-window. The fakin’ internal Aqua windows do not fool us, Glub Tech. We see right through your little charade. This whole application is nothing but a malodorous pile of mouldering feta cheese. It is that stink you smelled that one time in Albuquerque. It is everything sloopy and noisome within a cow. It is ugly as a mud fence. Its Windows-ness at this point is about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.
The menus (menus WITHIN the window, in the Windows style) have an anemic look, like butter scraped over too much bread. Indeed, the menu backgrounds are overly transparent. The internal window (we’ll call it “Baby Trogdor #1”) moves and resizes in a jerky fashion, as if it had been in an outhouse when the lightning struck. Within Baby Trogdor #1 is a view of files on our disk. Its failure to hide standard Mac OS files such as .DS_Store, masked from users by most Mac applications, strikes us as downright hostility towards us and our grandchildren. Jeez, Glub Tech, could you come to my house and shove a dry corn cob down my throat next!?!?
At this juncture we’d like to talk about the intended audience. Secure FTP is apparently targeted towards people who need to connect to a FTP server using SSL, which apparently is pretty rare. Therefore, we concede that it may be quite useful — nay, necessary — to those few people. Bah, screw ‘em. On with the review.
Although we know of no SSL FTP server with which to test the software, we tried it on a normal FTP server. While negotiating the connection, a progress window appeared — curiously defying the MDI concept by appearing in a normal window — with what we like to call “SuperSchizophrenicProgressBar.” The progress bar zipped over the right side repeatedly, apparently a crude adaptation of the Windows “document-sailing-through-the-air-over-and-over” animation. If this animation isn’t the antidote to happiness, I don’t know what is. Once connected, downloading and browsing of files from the server appeared to function adequately, however.
Glub Tech, we suggest that you spend some time tailoring your application to the Mac, or else take up organic swan farming. Your call. Either way, we are very excited on this fine evening to award you a 7.2. And always remember to shit fire and save matches, boys and girls!
Posted by jan at March 28, 2003 05:14 PM | TrackBackOMG....first i open the window to preview the app,then a feirce volly of projectile vomiting occurs,please somebody stick spoons in my eyes,
pour gasoline on body and light me a blaze...the pain the horrible pain....it would be better than having to look at that app ever again...maybe ladd can put a warning message on the preview pane.
You people are ill. Seriously ill. Get a grip. Self-immolation is only ever permissible for Buddhist monks, and then only in Indochina, and then only in times of war. Mac using software junkies, no matter how bad the software, must never light themselves up.
Projectile vomiting, however, is permissible. But only if you tape a picture of Michael Jackson to your monitor. (Can't tear your eyes away, can you? Fwahahahahahaha!)
(DISCLAIMER: Any reference to any Michael Jackson, living or dead, is purely unintentional. Or chimps. Or pyjama parties.)
PS: Try pushing hot needles under your toenails instead. Works for me.
Posted by: aussie boy on March 29, 2003 12:33 AMUgh! A 7.2 for a piece of shoftware which uses MDI is too generous. I hate MDI.
How exactly does the PerversionTracker rating system work anyway, is it open-ended and logarithmic like the Richter scale or more like the Modified Mercalli Scale of Earthquake Intensity?
http://tremor.nmt.edu/mercalliscale.html
water saturated muds, amplify seismic waves.
Posted by: Double Worsted on March 29, 2003 12:42 AMin the defense of secure ftp which is basically ftp tunnelled through ssh (if I'm not mistaken), sftp is very common. Almost all linux servers that have ftp have sftp. You were probably connected via sftp to your server and didn't even notice. Even the default os x ftp server can be used with sftp. Also if security is important to you at all, you might want to consider sftp, you'd be amazed how many ftp passwords a packet sniffer will pick up
Posted by: lint on March 29, 2003 08:06 AMoh I just realized that my post sounded like it was in defense of this program. no no, because just like sftp is prevelant on servers its also prevelant on clients. Rbrowser supports it, I think fetch supports it, a client called FUGO supports it, and many others I'm sure
lint:
No, this is not SFTP. This is FTP using SSL, from what I've been able to gather. For SFTP, Transmit does rather nicely.
Posted by: Jan on March 29, 2003 10:42 AMDouble Worsted:
The PerversionTracker rating scale is basically how useless an application is. Or whatever we feel like on a given day. But in this case, although the interface was terrible, it does appear to be the only FTP client of its type for the Mac, and thus, useful to some people.
Posted by: Jan on March 29, 2003 10:45 AM"it does appear to be the only FTP client of its type for the Mac, and thus, useful to some people."
Um. Transmit2, anyone?
Posted by: Sören Kuklau on March 29, 2003 03:37 PMSören:
Like I've explained twice, this program does NOT support SFTP, it is FTP with SSL, which is different.
Posted by: Jan on March 29, 2003 03:46 PMSecure FTP? This looks like some crappy kind of crap. Wow, that's some crap.
DELETED!
Posted by: Strongbad on March 29, 2003 10:56 PMYou see this stick up my ass? Go ahead, give it a tug.
Ahhhhhh....
Now scrape aside any detritus you might find and take a gander at the stick's end. There you'll find a piece of paper twirled around the tip. Using a small pair of tweezers, unfurl the paper. Read aloud:
THERE IS NO SUCH WORD AS PREVENTATIVE! IT'S "PREVENTIVE." PEE-ARE-EE-VEE-EN-TEE-EYE-VEE-EE -- PRE-VEN-TIVE.
Memorize.
Reinsert stick. Remove when necessary.
Posted by: stick-in-anus on March 29, 2003 11:53 PMIf you want native SFTP, find and try Fugu from umich. R.
Posted by: Rixster on March 30, 2003 12:45 AMDear Mr Head Up Yer Arse:
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=preventative
Go get an education.
Posted by: Rixster on March 30, 2003 12:47 AMThere's three methods of Secure FTP (FTP via SSH, FTP via server-side SSL and FTP via full SSL), and I think (I may be wrong) that Transmit supports all three of them.
Posted by: Sören Kuklau on March 30, 2003 04:51 AMGet a butt plug and some super glue kiddies, we are about to play with Secure FTP 1.6.2! Self induced constipation is an ancient remedy for MDI syndrome on the Mac.
Posted by: Mr I-am-about-to-explode-my-lower-intestine on March 30, 2003 07:48 AMI am compelled to cite sources from 1908 on British correct usage, because it annoys everyone. This is my curse.
Posted by: stick-in-anus on March 30, 2003 04:22 PMFirst, everyone remove all objects from their anal passages. (Not you, Miss Moneypenny. Those Japanese love balls cost me a small fortune on the black market in Vientiane.) Now take three small, deep breaths and calm down.
stick-in-anus, despite having what is clearly a nasty, and I hope not contagious habit, you are correct. Rixster, so are you. There, do we all feel better now? Can we stop with the gratuitous insults? Hmmm?
Preventive and preventative mean the same thing, and are both perfectly good words. As long as they are used consistently throughout whatever text it is you happen to be writing, who gives a fat, black, slick, rotting rat's arse (or ass, for our Stateside brethren)? Right?
Now, back to the Chateau Mon Dieu Cabbage Brandy, 1963, Miss Moneypenny. And do stop wiggling like that!
Posted by: aussie boy on March 30, 2003 05:16 PMDown with British anachronisms, god save the queen!
Why, I ask you? Why must the beautiful and talented readers of PvT be subjected so frequently and pointlessly to the high-handed fascism of the Word Police?
It really frosts my uterus to read the gripes of uneducamated poseurs who think the English language is stagnantly unalterable. Is this why my great-great-great-granddaddy took a dull bayonet to the left butt cheek at the Battle of Hobkirks Hill in 1781?
I think not!
Perhaps some of us are unaware of the recent study that established a causal link between systemic pedantry and wearing our pants too tight. Perhaps some of us are not pooping often enough. Perhaps some of us are silly geese.
In any case, I would like to propose a simple rule for immediate adoption: it's a word if PvT says it's a word. So there.
Posted by: tiny goddess on March 30, 2003 05:41 PMHooray for the tiny goddess. The first sensible thing I've read all week. Unfortunately, on a website on which sensible things are not encouraged, this renders you ineligible for the first annual For God's Sake Stop Screaming and Just Kill It! Award. Oh well, back to the nudie-style backgammon. Togs off, Wilkinson, or it's back into the rancid warthog fat for you!
Posted by: aussie boy on March 30, 2003 10:42 PMIf I can't have the award, can I at least join the backgammon game?
Posted by: tiny goddess on March 31, 2003 08:12 AMAnd PerversionTracker smote the SecureFTP 1.6.2, and all was laid to burnination.
Posted by: Mike on March 31, 2003 01:49 PM...like butter scraped over too much bread...That was my line!
Posted by: Bilbo Baggins on March 31, 2003 02:14 PMtiny goddess, my backgammon board is always there for you. The small but delicate voice of reason is ever welcome in Chateau d'Australie (well, except in government circles, but I'm not at liberty to speak of such things).
Oh, do shut up, Wilkinson! I'll play with whom I please! And stop wrestling with that damned ferret -- you're bleeding onto the quince paste, man!
Posted by: aussie boy on March 31, 2003 07:25 PMA secure (SSL) internet backgammon game, now that is what I want to see next!
Posted by: Double Worsted on March 31, 2003 08:43 PMDouble Worsted, I totally agree. I never feel quite secure playing nudie backgammon, even with Grandmama. She really is a darling, but she does get ever so upset when she loses, and hides the pieces in her wrinkly bits. Just between you and me, I usually let her win ...
Well, must toddle. Have to go and suck clean my collection of antique Biafran toenail clippings.
Posted by: aussie boy on April 1, 2003 01:25 AMI want to know more about organic swan farming. What's organic swan farming? Where should I go to learn the art of organic swan farming? Who can teach me the necessary skills? Thanks.
Posted by: Prio on April 1, 2003 01:44 PMFor quite possibly the first time in it's life, PerversionTracker was right about one app. If the devs think a little more then they can probably fix it up for us Mac users.
Posted by: PerversionTracker is Perverted on April 8, 2003 08:35 PM