March 04, 2003

Browsers in the Hands of an Angry God

  1. And the STEVE spake unto Avi and to Hyatt, saying unto them,
  2. Speak unto the children of Apple, saying, These are the browsers which ye shall use among all the software that are on the earth.
  3. Whatsoever implementeth the tabs, and render the text, and render the CSS, among the browsers, that shall ye use.
  4. Nevertheless these shall ye not use of them that render the text, or of them that implement the tab: as the Lynx, because he render the text, but implementeth not the tabs, nor render the CSS; he is unclean unto you.
  5. And the Internet Explorer, because he render the text, but implementeth not the tab, and render not the CSS; he is unclean unto you.
  6. And the iCab, because he render the text, but implementeth not the tab, and render not the CSS; he is unclean unto you.
  7. And the Opera, though he implement the tab, and render the text, yet he render not the CSS and he creepeth on the page loading; he is unclean to you.
  8. Of their code shall ye not use, and their executable shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.
  9. These also shall be unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the page loading; the Netscape 4.x, and the OmniWeb, and the WebDesktop after his kind.
  10. And upon whatsoever any of them, when they crash, doth fall, it shall be unclean; whether it be any disk, or CD, or server, or tape, whatsoever storage it be, wherein any work is done, it must be erased, and it shall be unclean until the even; so it shall be cleansed.
  11. And if any browser, of which ye may use, <blink>; he that toucheth the executable thereof shall be unclean until the even.
  12. For I am the STEVE your CEO: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy: neither shall ye defile yourselves with any manner of creeping browser that creepeth upon the page loading.
  13. For I am the STEVE that bringeth you up out of the land of Windows, to be your CEO: ye shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.
  14. This is the law of the browsers, and of the software, and of every application that runneth on the client, and of every application that loadeth upon the server:
  15. To make a difference between the unclean and the clean, and between the browser that may be used and the browser that may not be used.
Posted by ladd at March 4, 2003 03:30 PM | TrackBack
Comments

what

Posted by: on March 4, 2003 05:16 PM

Would you please address the issue of shellfish? I know they have not scales and neither have they fins, and they liveth in the seas and in the rivers, but it seems to me that calling them "abominations" is a wee bit harsh.

Also, why am I allowed to eat beetles but not ferrets?

Thank you for your time, oh holiest of holies, et cetera.

Posted by: leviticus on March 4, 2003 05:46 PM

I think you guy have totally lost it. Thanks

Posted by: on March 4, 2003 07:11 PM

beans

Posted by: He who says "beans" on March 4, 2003 08:28 PM

1. And the multitude at the temple of the tracking of perversion said, "This is ladd, the prophet of crap software.
2. "Why, o ladd, hast thou wrought this upon us your people? For it is incoherent, and not funny enough for our refined tastes. Verily, thou hast lost it."
3. And ladd spake: "When you will slave for hours to design pages of your own, before your very eyes it shall look perfect in the software that is WYSIWYG.
4. "But verily, the crap browsers shall render the page as if it were the back of an ass, and the Windows users shall cry, 'It is broken, stupid Mac luser.' And there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then shall ye know the lesson of this Scripture.
5. "For it is written, It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a page to properly render in Exploiter."
6. And when the multitude heard this, they were astonished at his doctrine.*


________
* The original Greek translation says 'they did not get it at all, actually.'

Posted by: Raena on March 5, 2003 06:07 AM

A true prophet is never appreciated in his own time.

Posted by: angry goddess on March 5, 2003 08:04 AM

"You shall have three browsers, three, niether shall you go to four. Five is right out."
--MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL

Posted by: babbelfish on March 6, 2003 05:42 PM

Slow news day, eh?

Posted by: Huh. on March 6, 2003 06:04 PM

// Disable blinking text. This defaults true in Netscape 7.02:
// This also defaults true in Mozilla's all.js
user_pref("browser.blink_allowed", false);

Posted by: Just a looser on March 28, 2003 06:04 PM

We are the master of

Posted by: Powers Dave on December 10, 2003 09:39 PM
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