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Meow meow meow annoying meow meow meow why? Meow meow meow not happy meow meow meow ears hurt meow meow meow make it STOP!
Chad "Kitty Scream" Bullock, meow on you. We regret that we are fresh out of 11.0's, but please accept this jingly-jangly 10.9 and a kilo of catnip as compensation.
Reviewed very poorly, this software's a crime,
Windows pumping and thumping in time.
The mouse double-clicks, the app goes up.
Spurning, discerning, extremely pumped up
It daftly maneuvers and smells really rank,
Time burning fast, it's excessively stank.
Feckless and wild, it pours through the yards.
The software is potent and blatantly lards.
As we mouse to the finish, the system goes down.
Ten clams get up and they get out of town.
The arena is empty except for one man,
Still mousing and krausening as fast as he can.
The moon has gone down and the sun has come up,
And long ago MDM said "whaasssup?".
But it's jiving, conniving, and hugging the bowl.
And thinking of cursors on mouse patrol.
He's measuring the distance.
He's measuring the speed.
Pascal's all alone (all alone)
In his time of need.
Because he's racing and pacing and cursing his fate,
He's fighting and biting, he doesn't sleep late,
He's measuring the distance.
No ChezMark, no flowers, no MacWorld, no wine,
He's haunted by something he cannot define.
Intestinal troubles, are taking their course,
Attack him, bushwhack him, with Ballmeresque force.
In his mind, he's still coding, not making the grade.
We're hoping in time that our memories will fade.
Cause he's racing and pacing and cursing his fate,
He's fighting and biting, he doesn't sleep late.
The moon has gone down and the sun has come up,
And long ago Pascal's brain's given up.
But he's floating and bloating with REALbasic learns.
And thinking of cursors for which he still burns.
Cause he's measuring the distance.
He's measuring the speed.
Pascal's all alone (all alone)
In his time of need.
Because he's racing and pacing and cursing his fate,
He's fighting and biting, he doesn't sleep late,
He's racing and pacing and cursing his fate,
He's fighting and biting, he doesn't sleep late,
He's measuring the distance.
He's measuring the speed.
He's measuring the distance... in meters or yards!
AlphaOmega, for another pooptastic venture, we remit a 10.8.
Due to a recent plague o'er the land of ponderously pensive readers, we have decided to offer a special multimedia review for the acrididine hordes.
The Book of John "was designed to teach reading the old-fasioned [sic] way," say the fine Bible-thumpers at codeJesus. "The way children learned to read hundreds of years ago was by reading the Bible and so I created this program to do the same thing using the computer."
"Can anything good come out of Nazareth?"
"I saw you under the fig tree."
Mommy, what's a pronoun?
In this picture, the "dove" descended upon the head of Jesus (or is it John?) in a delightful bit of "animation."
Helpful Hint: The answer rhymes with "turd."
Although our spirits lifted when we scored 100% on the quiz, we found the application woefully slow and incomplete, with only Chapter 1 available. The ending of this story must be too disturbing for kids, or they wouldn't have left it out. We read Chapter 1, but that accomplishment was not reflected on our "reading log," and now all the other kids say we didn't really read it. Those bastards. Now we hate the Bible and it is all your fault, codeJesus.
We award codeJesus a sanctimonious 10.4, with points off for the lovely "dove" animation and teaching us what "cephas" means.
This screensaver "will automatically log a user out after being idle for five minutes." I could detail the sins of LogOutScreenSaver's horseradish-bespattered designer. But rather, I think it's best to instead list all the things I could purchase instead of the outrageous $150 "up to 10 user" license ($75 for a limited time!).
[shipping and handling not included in above price estimates]
Rhon Fitzwater, we are certain your product is extremely cost-ineffective, and hereby present a 9.8.
If you have ten minutes to burn, I highly recommend downloading Mercury Hg3, and adding 20 gigs of MP3s to the playlist. But if you're busy, don't.
Mercury Hg3 claims to be a "music player". With a "A twenty band equalizer and 5 different VU meters offer[ing] an awesome experience to literally 'see' your music," how did this endeavor go so terribly wrong? Perhaps the way innumerable features were thrown together in a painful REALbasic granola had something to with it. Or, it could be the unforgivably difficult volume control that does not appear on the main player window.
The skins are also quite rank, the default one being a sort of dirty brushed metal. To really complete the OS X experience, the player window is displayed in a square frame that casts a small external shadow. Given this abundance of style, Anomaly Industries likely considers a tuxedo t-shirt the pinnacle of haute couture.
Completing the experience, a fake toolbar-style row of buttons replete with NilObjectExceptions, makes the playlist experience really special. What's that? You say I must re-add my music collection, taking another 10 minutes?! Gladly! No suffering is too great to keep me away from the amazing "Warp Speed" feature.
Anomaly Industries, we wish you really were an anomaly, and that baldly inelegant MP3 players were less common. Please accept a mostly feces-free 10.8 for this collection of rancid "features".