War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
Sponsored by
L337.com
Safari Magic adds powerful tools to Safari that make it easy for you to gather, edit (Safari Magic includes a built-in editor), save, and print just the information that you want from the Internet! In fact, Safari Magic gives you instant and total control over the information that’s displayed on the Internet.
As you can imagine, this stirring promo acted like a kerosene douche on the tiny flickering flames of my barely suppressed desire to achieve world domination by taming this ferocious many-headed beast we sometimes call “the Internet.” Finally, I had a viable plan!
But this cunning plan veered off the rails before it left the harbor, and my heady visions of hegemony vanished like a magician’s assistant absconding with the payroll. Safari Magic brings a few moldy crumbs to the proverbial table, yes, perhaps, but our plates are already heaped with cheaper and tastier fare.
In addition to its conspicuous lack of utility, this app is uglier than a mud fence with Dick Cheney nailed to the gate. The tool bar is about as appealing as a tapeworm milkshake, in both horizontal and vertical incarnations, and the unlickable logo is a distressingly plebian melange of kindergarten clip art and clumsy trademark infringement.
MacEase, surely you jest when you request $19.95 (a whole week’s supply of monkey nuggets!) for an application that’s less functional than a mink jockstrap in July. Please accept a fragrantly zomotherapeutic 10.4 and let’s all pretend this never happened.
Download Safari Magic
Posted by naomi at July 23, 2004 01:34 PM | TrackBackI refuse to particpate in that juvenile obsession known as ...
FIRST POST!!!
Posted by: Robo on July 23, 2004 01:51 PMThe music was new
black polished chrome
And came over the summer
like liquid night.
-Jim Morrison
badger
-badger
I think this "internet" is just a passing fad amongst the kids. Why isn't anyone writing programs with fancy chicken quill pens?
What ever happened to Fancy Chicken Friday?
Hmm. The chicken I had for dinner wasn't fancy, but it was good.
Mmmmm. Friiiieeeeddd ccchhhiiiccckkkeeennn!
Posted by: Kayarbee on July 23, 2004 06:15 PMPlease to be know I have a big weiner.
Posted by: longdongsilver on July 23, 2004 09:13 PMall your big weiners are belong to us
Posted by: no body on July 23, 2004 09:34 PMWe don't need no steenkin' weiners!
Posted by: Pancho Villa on July 24, 2004 02:34 AMZees weiners are, how you say, merde!
In ze war we shoot zem!
Lousy bosch weiners!
Posted by: The French Resistance on July 24, 2004 02:35 AMMy weiner shall return!
Posted by: General Douglas Macarthur on July 24, 2004 02:36 AMI did not have sexual relations with that weiner.
And I didn't inhale, either!
Posted by: Bill Clinton on July 24, 2004 02:36 AMIs that a weiner in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
Posted by: Mae West on July 24, 2004 02:37 AMOf all the weiners in all the towns in all the world, she grabs onto mine!
Posted by: Humphrey Bogart on July 24, 2004 02:38 AMA weiner by any other name would still smell as ... sweet?
Posted by: William Shakespeare on July 24, 2004 02:39 AMSaddam Hussein has been developing weiners of mass destruction, and we cannot allow this to continue.
We must rid the world of such weiners in the name of future generations.
Weiners of mass destruction must be rooted out and destroyed wherever they may be found.
UN weiner inspectors have found no trace of such weiners in Iraq, but we know Saddam has been working on them, so we go in tomorrow at ...
What's that, Dicky? Oh. Time for my nap. Zzzzzzzzzz!
Posted by: George W. Bush on July 24, 2004 02:42 AMShow me your weiner, Dave.
Posted by: HAL 2000 on July 24, 2004 07:10 AMRight now our engineers are working day and night to rebuild Microsoft Weiners into Longhorn, the operating system for the 21st century.
Posted by: Steve Ballmer on July 24, 2004 07:11 AMThat's a mighty fine weiner you have there, Little Joe.
Posted by: "Hoss" Cartright on July 24, 2004 07:12 AMMr Sheffield! You call that a weiner? Oi!
Posted by: Fran Fine on July 24, 2004 07:13 AMEveryone's a weiner baby, that's the truth ...
Posted by: Hot Chocolate on July 24, 2004 07:14 AMThis little girl is just so hungry. How am I ever going to weiner off the breast?
Posted by: A nursing mother on July 24, 2004 07:15 AMWeiner, weiner, weiner ...
Posted by: A German police car's siren on July 24, 2004 07:15 AMWeiner where you live!
Posted by: Agent Smith, CIA on July 24, 2004 07:16 AMI never forget a weiner, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Posted by: Groucho Marx on July 24, 2004 07:19 AMWien er thaat's justy another name for Vienna.
I have a big Austrian city!
Try the veal.
where's my weiner ?
Posted by: Bigfoot on July 24, 2004 11:03 AMOkay, okay. In honor of the winningly creative phallocentric comments above, I direct your attention to:
Oh, I Wish I Could Play Fun Oscar Mayer Games!
OH.
MY.
GOD.
Posted by: naomi on July 24, 2004 05:19 PMGrab your wienerwhistle and learn the toot!!
Posted by: Ladd on July 24, 2004 05:42 PMCover the holes on the far end and top. Toot!
Posted by: Ladd on July 24, 2004 05:45 PMUncover the top hole. Toot!
Posted by: Ladd on July 24, 2004 05:46 PMUncover both holes. Toot!
Posted by: Ladd on July 24, 2004 05:56 PMCover the top hole. Toot!
Posted by: Ladd on July 24, 2004 06:01 PMI most sincerely hope -- nay, earnestly pray -- that I might never, ever be subjected to another weiner barrage of this sort.
Parlous stuff, even for the knuckle-dragging, hairy-backed Neanderthals that inhabit the fetid swamplands that are PerversionTracker.
Please do not misconstrue me. I love you all as brothers and sisters (albeit rather irritating younger siblings who keep entering my bedroom and slyly pawing my valuable collection of vintage "Massive Funbags" magazines). However, should I ever be exposed to the word "wienerwhistle" again I shall almost certainly scream in a shrill fashion guaranteed to draw copious fountains of blood from every eardrum within a nautical mile.
Now, Belvedere, where is this month's issue of "MF" magazine? I like a girl who hasn't seen her toes since onset of puberty!
Posted by: aussie boy on July 25, 2004 03:06 AMNow here this you little uncooked polish sausages...
It is time to contemplate the eternal mystery of why wieners come in packages of 10 and buns come in packages of 8. I think we now have assembled the world's best wiener experts with a proper context in a forum that allows these experts to explore every permutation of using the word wiener in a sentence.
On your way out please place all you valuables in the provided basket and voluntarily jump into the provided woodchipper. Don't make us throw you in since we do wish to show respect to the world's leading wiener experts. That is all.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on July 25, 2004 08:02 AMOh dear Lord, I love you naomi! You have made all my hopes and dreams come true. I knew I wasn't crazy. I knew there had to be people out there like me somewhere. I'm joyfully wiping tears of happiness from my eyes even as I write this.
Posted by: longdongsilver on July 25, 2004 02:32 PMExcuse me, LongDong. I do so hate to intrude, but this antique Madagascan blunderbuss is loaded with some of the finest pelleted zebra dung ever to grace the African savannah.
I suggest that you take your grime-stained paws from Miss Naomi's slender form before I'm forced to discharge the entire load into your right buttock.
She's mine, God damn your eyes!
Posted by: aussie boy on July 25, 2004 05:25 PMDear aussie boy,
I hate to burst your bubble, but that slender form is mine because the man with a woodchipper has no competition. Watch your step aussie boy.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on July 25, 2004 06:34 PMYou realise, Norm O., that this means escalation. (We're already at war, or have you conveniently forgotten the time you broke into my outhouse and defiled my priceless collection of ... ahem, reading matter.)
Henceforth, I shall be wearing only this: one chainmail glove, a spiky codpiece, and a hat that says "Vote Kerry" on the brim.
You have been warned, sir.
Posted by: aussie boy on July 25, 2004 09:54 PMOf course, I meant that in the most strictly platonic way possible. It should be obvious at this point that I am fiercely faithful - even to a disturbingly psychotic degree - to my one true love: my big weiner.
And I'll have you know that my hands are not grime-stained. That's, ummm, OK I don't want to talk about it.
Posted by: longdongsilver on July 26, 2004 03:56 AMAh yes! Ahem! And I see what you mean about the, err, hand thing.
So then, all's well that ends well. You'll forgive me if I don't shake your hand, given the ... yes, well, the hand thing.
Posted by: aussie boy on July 26, 2004 04:50 AMAnother excellent review of a, sadly, typical piece of crapware. keep it up!
Posted by: Pan Fried on July 26, 2004 09:53 AMThe internet eh ....
Damn, I can't think straight. I can't help myself. My apologies to all for this one, it can't be stopped ....
Oh I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weinerwhistle
That is what I'd truly like to be
'Cause if I were an Oscar Meyer weinerwhistle
Then everyone would want to blow on me!
Thank you ... now I can get back to work.
;-)
Not the hat with "Vote Kerry" on the brim!!!
Posted by: Hodag on July 27, 2004 08:47 AMThank you for finally reviewing a MacEase title. Yeesh, I told you guys about this "developer" a year ago. Every friggin program he makes is the same.
Ground-breaking Print wigit.
AKA: crap.
Posted by: ShamalammaDing on July 30, 2004 05:43 PMH: The Internet? Is that thing still around?
B: I know a web site that shows monkeys doing it.
L: Bart, the Internet is more than just a global pornography network, it's a--
H: Come on Lisa! Monkeys!
Posted by: PersonWithTaste on August 2, 2004 02:22 PMLast post! 5*9! Whoo!
Posted by: PersonWithTaste on August 8, 2004 01:36 AMNot The Last Message!
Posted by: Bigfoot on August 11, 2004 06:48 PMNo, no, no.
This is definitely the Last Post:
http://www.airleague.com.au/docs/music/last_post.wav
Posted by: aussie boy on August 18, 2004 09:24 PMSorry.
Posted by: Mr. Persnickety on August 27, 2004 08:29 PMIn Australian accent:
You call that a wiener? That's not a wiener! THIS is a wiener!
Posted by: Zack on September 22, 2004 11:24 PM