LAST POST! WOO!

huh. four hours later...

First post! No... damn, I missed it.

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You understand that you're asking people to walk through one of the funkiest parts of San Francisco after dark, right?

6th Street -- bad, very bad

Tenderloin -- not good, very not good

Congrats! PvT is movin' on up!

I wish I could go, but that night I'll be tending to my big weiner.

Damn it! I'm stuck in London (I don't think stuck is the correct word) and can't make the WWDC this year :(

Cyanide, if you go to SF, I'm sure you can find lots of volunteers to tend to your big weiner.

>You understand that you’re asking people to walk through one
>of the funkiest parts of San Francisco after dark, right?

If you're a big wuss, I recommend covering your body with a protective layer of pimientos before embarking on this adventure.

Also, if one had actually READ the explanatory text, one would note that it is actually quite easy to walk up 4th, and west on O'Farrell, giving one a mere two blocks in the horrifying tenderloin, and almost zero exposure to the 6th street that gives you these irrational fits of terror.

Or, take a cab. Sheesh.

Would that be the explanatory text that reads:

1. Start at 747 HOWARD ST, SAN FRANCISCO going towards 4TH ST - go 0.4 mi

Turn (R) on 6TH ST - go 0.3 mi

Bear (R) on TAYLOR ST - go 0.3 mi

Turn (R) on OFARRELL ST - go

Arrive at 405 TAYLOR ST, SAN FRANCISCO

Wuss though I may be, I know enough to get a reality check from the locals before sending a bunch of liquored-up out-of-towners through funkytown in the dead of night.

>Would that be the explanatory text that reads...

Nope. Next paragraph.

Ah, I see, the bit about wandering just about any which way you like.

Why not just ditch the dangerous directions and instruct people to cross Market at 4th, take a left on Geary (less funky than O'Farrell), and dash down Taylor? Wildly popular though these comments may be, not everyone may read them.

Unless of course you're also awarding points for the contestant who's deprived of the greatest number of valuables on the walk over.

Oh, all this whining and worrying about random street crime is so passé, so last year, so Republican. . .

DON'T BE A HATER, BE A CELEBRATOR! FUNKYTOWN HERE I COME! CAN I GET A WHUT WHUT??

I have a big weiner.

i'll alert the bangbus.com guys so they can cruise the area for prospects (victims)

Are you sure you want me to submit my product?
I just want to make sure.
Your might not really like my... product.

Let me know.

If you are too cheap to spring for a cab, walk to 3rd & Howard (1/2 block) catch any northbound bus, get a transfer, get off at Geary and transfer to the 38. Get off on Taylor, walk 1 very short block downhill to O'Farrell. $1.25 unless you are the Rixster - Disabled only pay $0.35

badger

lives near SF.
tip.
if you see a dollar, don' pick it up

Forgot to add.
I dropped meh dollar.

Lives in SF.
Cyanide is The Rixsters new Nom de PvT.

badger

Are those directions supposed to be from WWDC? WWDC is in Moscone *West*. JavaOne is at Moscone.

Are those directions supposed to be from WWDC? WWDC is at Moscone *West*. JavaOne is at Moscone.

=3

Hey badger, look a dollar! *unzip*

All that and 'cause my weiner is big!

Moscone West is next to Moscone North.
Cyanide is now only welcome in the Bayview/Hunters Point neighborhood.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2004/06/02/MNGR16VC5I1.DTL

badger

I would like to nominate your mom for Best Misuse of Technology.

I would also like to nominate my weiner for Best Use of Real Ultimate Power.

Thank you.

It seems obvious from his 'humor' that Cyanide doesn't use R***Basic; He uses Visual Bas!c.
Only a PC user would use 20-year old, unfunny, homophobic jokes.

The best way to get there is riding on top of a wood chipper. Nothing like giving out free samples of chipped beef on toast to the huddled masses especially when the chipped beef is made of previous on lookers. Nothing says "peace and quiet" like the grinding and chunking noise of a wood chipper.

Don't miss Mum at the Great American Music Hall

http://www.musichallsf.com/artist_pages/mum_070504.html

badger

Naw, I'm pretty sure riding there on your mom would be a much better method of transportation. Though it would do one well to avoid the woodchipper while erm, "enroute."

Anybody want to donate to my favorite charity called, "V-iagra for castration victims"? They used to be the champions of erection through constipation, but there were to many lawsuits due to accidents.

Hey, how come you didn't increment the entry count to include your mom and my weiner? I mean, sure, my weiner may not be long, but it's got girth!

Same for your mom, actually.

Woo-hoo! My new G5 arrived today!

That means: Xcode!

That means: I have just one week in which to learn Objective-C, the entire Cocoa development environment, and the fundamentals of comput0r programming, ready to produce an epoch-defining, suitably l33t app that will knock your sockets off!

(That's a clever Unix joke, by the way. I'm obviously quite l33t already.)

Prepare to be am4z3d.

Dear Mr. El Capitano Corelli,

I have know idea how to speak l33t at all, so here goes...

F|_|ck y0|_| f00, 1n t0 7h3 w()()|) ch1pp3r w17h y0|_|!

How did I do? What a fucking stupid language! I hope to see you huddling along the chosen path indicated on the map so that I may properly introduce you to my pet wood chipper named "Betsy Beast".

Have a nice day.

BTW, where is aussie boy when you need him? I think we need to hear another heart pounding story about how Belvedere and his naked Grandma got it on thus giving him birth. I know, I know, it's a mystery, but aussie boy tells the story so well.

...damn drugs, I knew I took to many...Kids, this is exactly why you shouldn't mess with drugs!

*puts hands together*

Thank you Fargo for teaching us that there is always a simple and appropriate way to deal with all of our problems...

Who needs Objective-C and the entire Cocoa development environment? That stuff is just, like, the hard way to do it. Everyone knows the best way to win PvT awards is REALbasic. Ladd and Naomi cannot resist its powerful, crap-scented musk.

Also, do you suppose they award extra points for...shortness? (I'm talking about launch time, of course.)

When is someone going to write some sort of "first post" software. Ya know, something that polls the website until a new post occurs. All it would have to check for is the number of comments in the most recent post's comment area (i.e. Look for "Comments (0)").

Whadayasay?

It's a funny idea, but I imagine it would probably be brutal on their server load if it checked with any frequency.

But maybe I just think that because I have a short weiner.

That's why I think it would score *really well*...

Sigh. I'm Bi. What can I say?

Am I still welcome here? Or do I have to go to Jon and Mary's Pantyhose and Hot Dog Super-Sized Warehouse Blowout Sale where everything is 50% OFF!

Sigh. I'm Bi. What can I say?

Am I still welcome here? Or do I have to go to Jon and Mary's Pantyhose and Hot Dog Super-Sized Warehouse Blowout Sale where everything is 50% OFF!

However, you were earily correct about the visual basic part... VBDos... x.x

STAY OUT OF MY HEAD! ARGH!

So how about giving us a list of the products that have been entered so far?

I could use a few laughs from reading comments from the community...

BTW, last post so far! Woo Hoo!!

Why don't you have a body? Did you feed it through the woodchipper by accident?

It could happen to anyone.

woodchuck.... woodchipper... woodchuck.... woodchipper....

hmmmm... decisions decisions....

BOTH!

VROOM (chitter) grind SPLAT!

WHOO HOO!

Pics plz.

Actually, I have no body due to a rather unlikely accident involving a small rodent, a little bit of glue, and a package of hot sauce.

For pics, simply close your eyes and you will see me... :-)

I must say that I quite resemble my driver's license photo...

Dear Mr. "no body',

We have reviewed your application to the "Renewable Body Part Program" (RBPP) and I am pleased to inform you that you have mightily impressed us with your qualifications. The story of how you raised a small rodent on hot sauce and epoxied the little varmint's head into your asshole to give the rodent a better station in life was quite a touching story. At first, I was "Mr. Skeptical" in that I would not believe someone would be so selfless and permanently sacrifice the use of their sphincter and glue a rodent to it just to give the rodent a taste of the good life, but others at the office have shown me the light and now I must say, thank you for being so kind and giving. When I closed my eyes I could see the pictures in my mind of a rat hanging out of your asshole. I actually began to cry for the first time in my life. You are truly an inspiration to all of us. As a thank you for the selfless sacrifice you have made and in celebration we are offering our RBPP to you free of charge. Please watch your step into the wood chipper.

That's yucky Norm.
You are a sick, troubled individual (or are you Legion?) but express yourself very well. Might I suggest a career in politics?

badger

Norm,

It was the rodent that got into the hot sauce, and was cursed with horribly irritated bowel syndrome.

Not having a cork handy, I thought "why not use my head". Alas, the poor creature exploded - hence the need for some epoxy. Unfortunately, I was left with no body from the explosion, and was unable to save either of us...

Dear Mr. "no body",

If we stuck a nuclear bomb up your butt and blew it up, what would we be left with after the vaporization of your body? The answer is no body! So you see, there is no way to get rid of you Mr. no body. BTW, is your sister named "some body," because she has some body...ssssssss...hot!

Fuck some body up the ass with a wooden spoon.

Norm,

Her name is actually "any body". Not that she's exceptionally loose, but.... :-)

Also, I don't think she likes spoons in that way... Besides, you could get splinters using wood. Much better to use latex.

A Soap Opera about My Weiner

John: Mary... There's something I've been wanting to tell you... I have.... No. I can't...

Mary: Say it John... I won't stop loving you. Say it!

John: I have... I have a big weiner.

Mary: OH JOHN! *she starts sobbing*

John: Mary! *sob sob sob*

Me: I HAVE A BIGGER WEINER SEE?!? *shows it*

We interrupt this program due to technical difficulties.

I think the moral to learn here is to think twice if your girl friend has to shave her back once a week. I think it might be a clue!

As a general comment, what is it with you people and wooden spoons? I thought you guys were pushing it by using cactus, arms of dead people, and crusty used tampons, but a wooden spoon takes the cake and is just plain weird. Get a life people!

Continuation of soap opera:

Mary: Oh John, we can't go on like this *sob*

John: But Mary, I'm still the same man you fell in love with!

Mary: You don't understand. You could never understand.

John: I bare my soul to you and you would leave me?

Mary: No, you just don't understand.

John: What don't I understand?

Mary: I have a big weiner too... *pulling it out*

pssshhhhhhh *sound of static*

That's pretty damn funny, especially coming from someone that doesn't even have a body! I think I will join in too: I have a big weiner.

*cut to commercial showing John and Mary, right after previous conversation*

Mary: But I do have some *good* news.

John: You still love me?

Mary: No, I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance.

*small green lizard (gecko) appears on screen for a few seconds, then commercial is over*

There is a common saying among us german idiots:

Deine Mudda brennt!

Which is translated more or less with

Your mom's a-burning!

Much better than the "I have a big weiner."-thing. You're all so clueless.

I have a big badger

It is not how long your weiner or badger is, it is how sharp it is! (Ah, you thought I was going to say, "it's how you use it." Bzzzzzt. Thank you for playing.) I like to keep my wee wee really sharp by sticking it in the wood chipper at least once a day. Nothing worse than a dull wee wee when trying to piss on another person's parade.

Hey, is that a squirrel hanging out of my ass?

Comment Space Waster Pro™ can do the first post-thing. Download a free trial now at www.commentspacewasterpro.com!

You might also get a Lite version, if you look behind your paintings from the 15th century shouting that you have a big weiner.