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“SonicMood is a background mood setting program created for the Apple Macintosh. […] SonicMood bathes you in gentle harmonies played by selected instruments to calm and relax you while you work on your computer. You may select from any of 21 different “Moods” - combinations of instruments, note scales, and timings - designed to take your mind away from the stress of the day.”
Like the burning afterimage of a steamship laden with oil-packed kippers going down amidst a flaming seal-infested oil slick, SonicMood leaves an impression on one’s thoughts. An impression that, no matter what you try, will stick with you through all those experimental “sausage” acupuncture sessions, exploratory sinus excavation, and Princess Azura’s mighty exorcising powers.
With an iconic representation of a structurally unsound bonsai that reminds us of nothing more than the lolling tongue of a pug, and the many other scabrously offensive musical “controls,” SonicMood may be the most purpurate product ever to come out of Bit of Paradise Products. But still, with menu items named “don’t show cOntrols” (tied to Command-O), and “preWvious mood” (Command-W), how can one not love this moody little bundle of joy?
But though we jest and revel in SonicMood’s appearance, we also believe in the healthy body image; feeling good about one’s outer appearances. Thus, in the interest of epistemological consistency, we will henceforth focus on what lies beneath the surface, the “meat and juice” of the software, so to speak. PerversionTracker: We gnaw through the skin.
As near as we can figure, SonicMood basically plunks assorted instruments, including Cello, Oboe, and “Crystal” in a somewhat stochastic fashion. Although the sliders (“richness”) may have some small impact on the pitch of these annoying plunks, and perhaps the interval between them, one cannot adjust the slider marked “suck” away from the high end.
Bit of Paradise Products may be plunky and root beer-flavored, but that doesn’t stop them from also being enragingly hot-’n-spicy (and not in a “latin” way)! IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE, if you catch our drift!! We assigned a rating by racing several plump ticks along a blood-spattered metric ruler. The crowd favorite, Jawsy McChomps, nearly reached the 11mm mark in the seventeen allotted minutes before exploding in a celebratory red mist, leading us to forward this dogmatically ambiguous 11.0 rating to BOP Products.
Posted by ladd at June 6, 2004 11:22 PM | TrackBackFirst Postage stamp!
Posted by: djfran86 on June 7, 2004 02:49 AMSecond Postage stamp!
Posted by: lakin124 on June 7, 2004 04:23 AMAh, thanks to Sonic Mood® I am so comatose I can no longer feel my legs. I love it when using computers is just like pouring absinthe on your cereal.
Posted by: David Valley on June 7, 2004 04:50 AM"exploding in a celebratory red mist"
Hehehe
That is all.
Posted by: Fringe on June 7, 2004 08:07 AMcripes!
Posted by: winky on June 7, 2004 01:05 PM"PerversionTracker: We gnaw through the skin." I think that should be the new PvT motto.
I have a big weiner.
Posted by: longdongsilver on June 7, 2004 01:37 PMBut the question is, does this "John Hall" of Bit of Paradise Products in fact have a beard? For that is the measure by which all software must be judged.
Also, my weiner isn't long, but it's got girth.
Posted by: shortdongsilver on June 7, 2004 04:50 PMI THOUGHT I WOULD CHECK THIS OUT,but then decided i had better things to do. like eat lunch.
Posted by: michael eisner on June 8, 2004 01:04 PMor check for new additions to bang bus, cm fiesta etc.
Posted by: michael eisner on June 8, 2004 01:11 PMWould have downloaded, but I was busy making popping noises with my mouth & finger - going for the world record...
Posted by: no body on June 8, 2004 03:05 PMWould have downloaded it, but I was busy nominating Bit of Paradise for one of those fancy R***B**** Apple Design Awards. Finally, somebody has made a RB app that is merely unintuitive and awkward rather than completely unusable!
And I would download it now, but I'm busy staring at my girthful weiner.
Posted by: shortdongsilver on June 8, 2004 05:39 PMAhhh!!! Comic Sans!!! Get it off me, get it off me!!!
Posted by: PersonWithTaste on June 8, 2004 06:35 PMProof that Metal is crap:
http://members.tripod.com/kopylefted2002/sonicmoodmetal.jpg
Posted by: PersonWithTaste on June 8, 2004 10:11 PMI thought about thinking about checking this out, too, but I didn't.
Posted by: djfran86 on June 8, 2004 10:42 PMI stopped thinking about checking it out and the product, its review here and BOP ceased to exist.
Aahhh, those daydreams..
I had a daydream once. In it, I grew up and got a job, got married, had kids, struggled with a mortgage ...
Then I looked up and the daydream faded.
And guess what.
F*ck me if it wasn't real!
Can you believe that sh*t? Real!
Ha! What does God take me for? A f*ckin' idiot? A f*ckin' moron?
Guess so. 'Cause he'd be the only one laughing now ...
Yes, nurse, the little blue ones. How many times must I tell you, woman! The green ones make me sane, and you know that irks me so!
Posted by: aussie boy on June 9, 2004 05:40 AMI actually have a red key on my keychain for my own house and a blue key for my parents' house.
I am so matr1x l33t.
Posted by: Thuros M. on June 9, 2004 07:25 AMYAAAH! 18th Post! WOHOO! Hoohoo aha heh hee hoh h.... duh
Posted by: on June 9, 2004 12:02 PMHello Pvt-ers
I am new to this site and i like it.
THAT IS i like the pvt site, not the app being discussed here.
What it is a bang bus ?
I could not find a review on the pvt site.
Posted by: PRAN on June 9, 2004 12:26 PMSo you`re still a wwwirgin?
"www.takeherverginitywithagopherandasmalltuna.info/123camera" could not be found.
Posted by: Cyanide on June 9, 2004 11:55 PMDie scum.
Posted by: Voldemort on June 11, 2004 02:11 PMSqueak!
Posted by: on June 11, 2004 06:40 PMIt is official; NetTrends confirms: PvT is dying
One more crippling bombshell hit the already beleaguered PvT community when NetTrends confirmed that PvT market share has dropped yet again, now down to less than a fraction of 1 percent of all Apple-related blog site readers. Coming on the heels of a recent Netcraft survey which plainly states that PvT has lost more market share, this news serves to reinforce what we've known all along. PvT is collapsing in complete disarray, as fittingly exemplified by falling dead last in the recent Crazy Apple Rumours comprehensive blog site survey.
Posted by: Anonymous Coward on June 14, 2004 07:47 AMI have a big weiner!
Posted by: longdongsilver on June 14, 2004 07:59 AMHeh. On the Cialis website: "Some form of sexual stimulation is needed for an erection to happen." Sheesh.
Posted by: longdongsilver on June 14, 2004 03:13 PMDoes the wind blowing count?
Hmmm, if that were 'simulation' instead of 'stimulation', I wonder if the game 'Virtual Valerie' would count? It had a catchy theme....
Squeak!
Posted by: on June 15, 2004 11:14 PMbadger!
Posted by: www.badgerbadgerbadger.com on June 16, 2004 08:45 AMFor only a penis a day, you can buy fancy chicks much-needed porn.
Posted by: Wicked Whacked on June 17, 2004 03:00 AMpvt inkalab zindage!!!
Posted by: PRAN on June 17, 2004 05:18 PMCan't be any worse than when I heard an orchestral cover of 'Kid Charlemagne" on a mall sound system and then realised that Steely Dan Muzak is redundant.
Posted by: Chemosabe on June 19, 2004 12:24 PMAlright you putrid people pleasers, now hear this, my wood chipper is hot and horny to meet you in a dazzling display for a bloody night of sweet slicing and dicing for at least 3 seconds before you turn into chopped liver. So I don't want to hear, "What am I, chopped liver?"
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on June 20, 2004 06:38 PMbibble, and I get the last word which is all my wife ever cares about. by the way the software really is an 11.0 though the posters above mostly get 11.0 2...
Posted by: theverystrangeshowperson on June 29, 2004 12:53 PMI once thought.....
Nahhh, I think I will just take a shit instead...
Posted by: Laramondo Sasquatch on September 2, 2004 12:46 PM