May 23, 2004

googol-Choo-Choo 3D 1.50

googol-Choo-Choo 3D is a 3D model railroad simulation program. It is easy to make your own layout by dragging and dropping track items, or other items, on your layout. You can see the layout in 3D from driver’s seat of a running train or from several other locations. If you want to create your own trains or structures, you can do it with 3D modeling software and import the file into googol-Choo-Choo 3D.

On that dark day when our beloved 275-watt Lionel transformer was “accidentally” dropped from the roof in a tragically flawed conspiracy to murder the neighbor’s chihuahua, our dreams of locomotive hegemony jumped the tracks like a coked-up Casey Jones.

But thanks to the frenzied trainspotters at Googolplex, Ltd., we can recapture the thrills and chills of — oh, who are we kidding? — model trains just aren’t that exciting. No, no, not even the blatant sexual exploitation of virtual Holsteins can save this runaway caboose from a sticky end.

The cow-crazed engineer makes a break for it!

It’s true that we have never encountered a better 3D model train simulation app, but we are still young and dewy-eyed and innocent of the wicked ways of railroad hobbyists. It seems to us that $21 (or three “Chessie The Railroad Kitten” Mouse Pads from the B&O Railroad Museum) is a steep price to pay for software that doesn’t include a single one of the Five Most Popular Model Train Scenarios of All Time.

  1. World’s longest wooden trestle collapses, plunges screaming tourists to gory death on sharp pointy rocks of Goat Canyon.
  2. Drawbridge jams in partly open position. Engineer decides to “go for it” anyway, has brief but poignant moment of regret.
  3. Chlorine tank cars derail on steep curve, slide across major expressway during rush hour, rupture upon impact with oil refinery.
  4. Funicular railroad climbs to summit of Matterhorn, unintentionally sets new speed record on return trip.
  5. Stalled schoolbus. Blind curve. Fully loaded chicken train.

Googolplex, Ltd., you think you can, you think you can, you think you can. But you can’t. Please accept this diesel-soaked 9.8 and a one-way ticket down to Tennessee.

Download googol-Choo-Choo 3D

Posted by naomi at May 23, 2004 10:51 AM | TrackBack
Comments

I hereby bequeath my first post status to The Entity.

pud

Posted by: puddintane on May 23, 2004 12:19 PM

I don't understand we people insist on being redundant and repeat themselves by adding extra words that mean the same thing. "Fancy Chicken"? Aren't they all?

Posted by: U. D. Mann on May 23, 2004 01:37 PM

I have a big weiner.

Posted by: longdongsilver on May 23, 2004 02:11 PM

"Entity"? We are not believers in the CARS pantheon here at PVT, surely.

Posted by: El Capitano Corelli on May 23, 2004 02:38 PM

A foul attempt at miniature railroading on the computer when it hardly lets you do such activities that make miniature railroading popular. How does it expect me to modify the caboose to be equipped with two .30 calibre miniguns operated by two burly and tough German mercenaries named Hans and Fritz? And what about the boxcar that is also an AA platform? And where is the armoured cab loaded with gold bricks and jewels in felt lined trunks? My locomotive must have twin dual mounted .50 caliber machine gun turrets for dealing with skirmishes, and I must have cattle car after cattle car packed with bloodthirsty hired guns and criminals, and a hatch or two on top so a couple can poke their heads out and fire off RPGS. Not to mention a flamethrower turret on each and every car for burning any who try to flee, and hover wheels so I don't have to remain on the track, and a giant drill bit on the front in place of the cow catcher so no mountain or concrete wall or safe door can stand in my path to wealth and power!!!
Wait, I'm one of the good guys, so nevermind. But if the VanTols say it sucks, that's good enough for me.

Posted by: Laemkral on May 23, 2004 07:33 PM

Yes, it's true: 'Van Ryan's Express' was on cable the other night.

We can only thank our respective deities that it wasn't 'Freud', the 1962 biography starring Montgomery Clift. I'm sure that we'd all rather not know what that might have inspired Laemkral to wish for from his virtual choo-choo.

Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on May 23, 2004 08:06 PM

Wow, Freud was on? Now I want my train to have an extra car with intellectual interior with leather couch and a nice comfy chair and some nice potted plants and maybe a desk and some filing cabinets. Also a nude woman with chocolate bars covering her breasts and one of those round lollipop things covering her vagina. Why no, I don't have issues, none at all. But I'll never forgive my father. And my mother. And the candyman. And the nude lady who worked in the candyman's truck. And the truck. And the woodchipper.

Posted by: Laemkral on May 23, 2004 10:07 PM

There is a better 3D model train simulation app:
www.virtualtrainz.com

It's only for Windows though (which makes it a 10.9 automatically)

Posted by: Comment Space Waster Pro 2.0.1 on May 24, 2004 01:21 PM

Shouldn't you be out blowtorching someone?

Posted by: longdongsilver on May 24, 2004 01:50 PM

I prefer to call it "cleansing" and we use flamethrowers more often than not. A blow torch has horrible range in combat, but is great for torture.
And you are right, I should be doing that. Are you volunteering to be cleansed??

Posted by: Laemkral on May 24, 2004 02:46 PM

Well, I take a bath once a month whether I'm dirty or not, so I guess I don't need cleansing. And how do you get the flamethrowers to work underwater, anyhow? That's something I've never been able to figure out.

Posted by: longdongsilver on May 24, 2004 04:12 PM

Hmm! Blowtorch? Sulfuric acid enema? Draino mudpack?

So many cleansing choices, so little time ...

Posted by: aussie boy on May 24, 2004 06:45 PM

Oh come on. This is a pretty competent piece of code. Boring, yeah, but it didn't crash, and the trains drive around and all kinds of stuff like that.

I guess you guys are just jealous.

Posted by: haineux on May 25, 2004 12:33 AM

Yes, you have hit upon the very bedrock motivation of this entire site -- we are horribly jealous of the sexy gods who have the courage and vision to create software of no conceivable utility.

However, in future please discuss any concerns about scoring with the Hungarian judge, who refuses to give a decent score to anyone but his own countrypeople. What a bastard.

Posted by: naomi on May 25, 2004 06:07 AM

Happy Flensing Day!

Posted by: Flensing Day Celebratory Committee on May 25, 2004 08:25 AM

naomi -- I guess all those reviews of RealBasic apps clouded my understanding. This is not being damned because it has a brushed aluminum interface, nor because it has gigantic ugly meaningless buttons, nor because it crashes a lot, nor because it is completely obviated by built-in system software.

No, it does not have any of those qualities.

You instead are giving this app the stink eye because it's perverted software that only a model railroad fetishist could love.

Ah.

OK. I understand now.

Posted by: haineux on May 25, 2004 10:28 AM

We have a model railroad fetishist in our midst! Hide the tangerines and kittens!

Posted by: Dada Winky on May 25, 2004 11:10 AM

Ahem... I hereby bequethe myself the honorable status of... Last Post

...
ahem...
...

LAST POST! WOO!

None of you wankers better take this away from me.

Posted by: Cyanide on May 26, 2004 01:40 PM

I scoff at you pitiful attempts to get last post Cyanide. Scoff! Scoff!

Posted by: U. D. Mann on May 26, 2004 01:46 PM

Scone?

I do not appreciate your attempts to scoff. I have the slightly misaligned but upper hand.

So now I must bask in my full glory and gloat.

LAST POST! WOO!

Posted by: Cyanide on May 26, 2004 01:55 PM

"Yes, you have hit upon the very bedrock motivation of this entire site — we are horribly jealous of the sexy gods who have the courage and vision to create software of no conceivable utility."

Didn't Aeschylus write a play based on this very subject? I mean, without the choo-choos?

Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on May 26, 2004 04:45 PM

dammit! LAST POST! WOO!

Posted by: Cyanide on May 26, 2004 07:10 PM

I am a model railroad fetish and took immediately sides with this app because all you did was saying "It is crap because it is about modelrailroads". You should have warned me that this app is crap in any possible way! It simply sucks, whether you like trains or not and you failed to point that out! I will hunt you to the rest of eternity!

Posted by: Cochrane on May 27, 2004 01:36 AM

i hate you cochrane

LAST POST! WOO!

i win again!

Posted by: Cyanide on May 27, 2004 09:35 AM

Dear me. Dear, dear me.

Posted by: longdongsilver on May 27, 2004 12:31 PM

You guys are all a bunch of retards, get a life

Posted by: on May 28, 2004 06:39 PM

retards? you bet!!

Posted by: . on May 29, 2004 01:54 AM

badger

Posted by: www.badgerbadgerbadger.com on June 1, 2004 04:26 PM

PENIS!

Posted by: on June 1, 2004 04:59 PM

LAST POST! WOO!

durrrrrr

Posted by: Cyanide on June 2, 2004 06:50 AM

badger

Posted by: www.badgerbadgerbadger.com on June 2, 2004 11:21 AM

ymotobol!!!!

Posted by: ssodosss on July 22, 2004 07:35 PM
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