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There comes a point when a tuna melt sandwich has just a bit too much mayonnaise. This may come about inadvertently — you could be innocently spooning away, enjoying the robust surface tension that occurs when canned tuna and mayo are heartily stirred together. Suddenly you realize that you’ve stirred your way down the slippery slope of condiment excess. There can be no escape — no ready method of unstirring springs to mind, nor can one conveniently wash off the excess dressing. Now you must slog your way through the dripping remains of the sandwich, eventually becoming so nauseous that you tip the whole mess into the pail.
Pixel Show is that sandwich. A sandwich that I have been enduring for nigh on five minutes. Mark Eissler is the man who made that sandwich. He put the mayonnaise in. But this time it was no accident. He knew that other, more capable sandwich makers had preceded him. But did he learn from their endless toils, which culminated in the ANSI standard table of mayonnaise-to-tuna ratios? Yes, that’s right. The one calibrated for bread type and dryness. With an adjunct table for tongol tuna-specific adjustments.
The answer, for those who cannot stand the suspense, is no, he did not. Instead of noticing that a perfectly reasonable slideshow application named iPhoto comes with every Mac sold, Mr. Eissler has insisted on slapping together his own hot-glued facsimile, which, we will note, is perfect in almost no respect whatsoever. The stodgy blue buttons? Pukeariffic! The clumsy slideshow navigation? Drosstastic!
Although it may be true that Mark Eissler’s Mixtur Interactive is still in its squalling nonage, even the most reprobate of higglers must admit that Pixel Show succeeds only providing a shallow mockery what iPhoto does so well. Therefore, we will rest comfortably, knowing that our stern-but-fair 9.2 rating was the appropriate choice.
Posted by ladd at May 4, 2004 12:31 AM | TrackBackOoooooooh Emptyness... Why oh why me? Why should I be first poster? I feel... kind of... lonely. Dare I say even... abandoned by the humanity at large, oh inhumaneness.
But since I'm an ultra-consarvative keeper of traditions:
Woooo-hoooo! First Post!
Posted by: Scientyprickally Correct on May 4, 2004 01:13 AMOoooooooh Emptyness… Why oh why ,,, Oh feck it, never mind.
Posted by: Mr.Clicky on May 4, 2004 04:31 AMIt's much better to be the third post.
Much.
I'm not bitter, I just.. I don't know...
Ooooooooh Emptyn.....
Gerbils.
(sniffs the air)
Did you eat broccolli?
broccoli
Posted by: A.Y.B.A.B.T.U. on May 4, 2004 08:47 AMi use picture deamon 1.4
Posted by: michael eisner on May 4, 2004 10:20 AMWhat about the ANSI standard for applying mayo to dreadlocks? The tuna fish goes in your pockets.
Posted by: Mylar Vermiculite on May 4, 2004 11:11 AMI prefer my tuna with bits of dolphin in it.
Posted by: Uncertain Future on May 4, 2004 01:00 PMHey, is that a mayo stain on your tuna or are you just happy to see me?
(Mmmmm, Nancy Nipples. Mmmmm, mayonnaise. Mmmmm, fish lips.)
I get it.
'Cinco de MAYO'.
Tee-hee. Muy bueno.
Perdon, I must go and invade Arizona now.
Posted by: Pancho Villa on May 4, 2004 06:45 PMThis town
Is a Sealed Tuna Sandwich
With the wrapper glued
It's by baloney on the rack
It goes for 40 cents a whack
It's just a place for us to play
To help us pay
The cost of the tickets back to L.A.
A big weiner, I have.
Posted by: longdongsilver on May 5, 2004 04:42 PMCan someone PLEASE tell me how to get in contact with the PT guys? This program was just announced tonight, "NexTune", and it is without question the absolute MOST HIDEOUS PROGRAM I've EVER seen... would be unbelievably hilarious for a review... anyway, if anyone from perversiontracker is reading this, or can get me in touch with them, the link to download it appears to be http://www.nextune.net/Resources/NexInstaller%201.0a.sit ... PLEASE download it and actually attempt to use it; it's one of the most frightening things I've ever seen in my life. Holy crap...
Posted by: D.M. Cook on May 5, 2004 08:55 PMa vain attempt to lure unsuspecting victims to use your app ????
What eisner just suggested isn't heresy. It's actually closer to being a sneaky bastard of a git, which while being equally reprehensible, isn't my jurisdiction. Heh, jurisDICtion. It's funny cause it sounds like DICK, who was an old college chum of mine back when I was but a lad. Poor Dick, never did see that asteroid coming down.
Now, I could insert numerous inneuendos about homosexuality and Dick and that sort of nonsense, but that just ain't my schtick. I'll leave it to the rest of you to make those jokes.
Posted by: Laemkral on May 6, 2004 03:47 PMNo, I agree. Nextunes exactly the same as iTunes, except 2,000,000,004.53 times less useful. It absolutely cries out for a review.
Posted by: on May 7, 2004 05:44 AMDamn, I sure could go for some tuna right now. Or that seal from much much earlier in the year. Shark Bite whatever it was. I may not agree with the image, but damn if seafood doesn't sound good right now.
Which reminds me, there needs to be more articles on sushi, like you PROMISED.
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
Posted by: Uncertain Future on May 7, 2004 08:05 PMMy big weiner, about your head I shall beat you with.
Posted by: longdongsilver on May 8, 2004 02:20 AMThe ellipse consists of the equation x squared divided by a squared, plus y squared divided by b squared. a must be greater than or equal to b which must be greater than 0.
The foci are at (±c,0) where c squared = a squared - b squared, and the vertices are at (±a, 0).
Someone please save my damned soul......
Posted by: Laemkral on May 8, 2004 06:19 AMIf this guy wants to sell this software, he needs to rename it "Pixel Porn Show 69". I personally like like the name "Wood chipper Orgy Maker Pro, " so none of you steal my idea. I don't take kindly to humping little turd machines making a mess out of my brilliant wisdom. If you need a pacifier to satisfy your male-menopause cravings for v-iagra cotton candy booths, see Nancy Nipples (I hear she is on her third sex change operation).
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on May 8, 2004 09:21 AMYou meant to say that the vertices are at (+-a,0) and (0,+-b), methinks. Also, you left out the eccentricity...
And a strictly doesn't need to be >= b, you'll still get an ellipse but the axii will be inverted.
Now when it comes to saving souls, I'm afraid we aren't interested in ellipses. Rather, pentagrams are of the utmost importance. You better study up on how to draw those too.
Elliptic integrals on the other hand, those are fun...
Posted by: longdongsilver on May 8, 2004 06:23 PMOkay. I think itunes shuffle from a library is lame. Smart playlisting is for the dumb. So I've been looking for something that spices up my tuna.
Cook's comment on nextune led me to download it (he probably ownes the app but what the heck).
Result: It ain't your daddies iTunes. It's a bit of a mind bend to adjust to but once I got the hang of it. I think the way you can assign tags like emotives and auto-calculate BPM and then create a search/playlists on the tags is sweet. I'm going to create a four hour playlist and test it on my girlfriend tonight. Three hours of foreplay, one hour of...
Yeah that's right we have a 3:1 ratio going.
Stop trying to sell your program on PT's message board, you publicity whore. Give me your welfare check.
Posted by: colthere on May 9, 2004 01:24 PMColthere's right. Cook's name links to the download. Oh well. Paranoia's a bore. Conspiracy freaks are worse. But when you've got good tunes going, nothing else matters.
Posted by: Lauder on May 9, 2004 01:46 PMDoes this wonderful blog lack an archive, or am I just blind? And no previous/next navigation, unless you're in an archived entry? Which presumably you couldn't get to unless it came up in search results? Or is it because the site's configured or Mac users and some incredible, cutting-edge navigation scheme is invisible to us PC users?
Your questions and remarks are a wonderful testimonial of the intellectual capacities that distinguish 95% of computer users from the rest of us.
Posted by: Scientyprickally Correct on May 11, 2004 06:08 AMbadger
Note for Robert S. and other mentally-challenged PC users:
If you have your web browser in full-screen, the PvT navigation and archive stuff doesn't show. If you click the little boxy shape between the - and the x in the upper right corner, the window magically gets smaller and all of the missing stuff will mysteriously appear.
Like everything else, PvT looks much better on a real computer (Mac) but sometimes the computer is busy so I am forced to use the glorified abacus and game platform (Win XP box) to view the site. It took me all of 2-3 seconds to figure out the screen size trick, so the average PC user should be able to accomplish this in 2-3 weeks.
I am feeling rather generous today!
In order for PC users to correctly navigate this web site, they need to do the following steps.
1. Rip out your left eye and sacrifice it to the God of stupidity.
2. Piss in pants to lubricate your vinyl chair.
3. Turn off your computer.
4. Place C4 explosive near the floppy port.
5. Place right eye ball near C4 explosive.
6. Blow up previously placed C4 explosive.
7. Enjoy the experience.
Following these steps ensures I don't have to wood chip freaking idiots like you just because you use a computer that was made for 3rd level sex offenders with a passion for used Fisher Price toys.
That is all.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on May 11, 2004 10:01 AM"I booted my PC
and some idiot returned it to me
so I rebooted it again
and found it shoved up my rear end.
what to do, what do you do
when your computer is smarter than you?"
The Windoze answer to all problems is to reboot the machine, but you only need to do half of that.
;-)
Posted by: Walking Contradiction on May 12, 2004 12:23 PM