Ummm... I'm stuck.

Cool!
He He
He said penis.
That's cool.

3rd and lucky post!

how much would penis scale weigh on the moon?

hillbilly wack is still more fun!

Dear readers,

I must confess that I, Norm O. Tidwell, am psycho-erotic. For those of you who are unfamiliar with that term, it refers to the condition where the subject is turned on by his own psychotic behavior. Let me give you a sample of what I mean. The following is an actual event of psycho-erotic behavior and none of the names have been changed.

N.O.T: To be or N.O.T. to be that is the question.

N.O.T: Oh Norm you are so sexy.

N.O.T: You think so, I had my hair done just for you.

N.O.T: Come here you sexy animal!

N.O.T: slurp...slurp...slurp...

From a short distance away Nick and Uncertain future were watching Norm descend into psycho-erotic behavior.

Nick: Oh good god he is french kissing himself.

Uncertain Future: *puke*...*puke*...you know, it kind of turns me on.

Nick: What's wrong with you UF!?

Uncertain Future: Well look at the spectacle!

Nick: Ooooh...hmmmm...I see what you mean. It has some strange hypnotic effect.

Unfortunately, Nick and Uncertain Future died of suffocation when they attempted to french kiss themselves as Norm did. The moral of the story, if you are going to fuck yourself over, fuck yourself over good and don't swallow your tongue.

Amen to that Norm!

badger peni$

Dear fuddes,

Since you are not reading my comments, then the following comment will never reach you!

What does "fuddles" stand for? Let me see...O.K. I have figured out your secrete acronym for you name Mr. "FUDDES"

(F)ucked (U)p (D)umb (D)ick (E)strogen (S)hit

Absolutely ingenuous Mr. fuddes! I salute you for your salient wisdom. One cannot have enough shit in their head and you my brother have shit for brains galore! It is so abundant, we can feed the whole world with the fertilizer from one of your thoughts. Man, shit happens and it is happening with you big time!!! You are so full of shit and I so am happy for you. You share your shit in such helpful ways. You smear it on faces of little girls at family parties and call it extreme make overs. When you play with the dog you plop out one torpedo and use it as a stick for the dog to fetch.

Note to readers: If Mr fuddes responds to this comment then that means he was secretly getting off on watching Nick and Uncertain Future gagging to death while watching Norm go psycho-erotic.

Norm, your self-Frenching skills are indeed both sickening and impressive. Congrats!

As for me, I seem to have mastered the art of screwing myself over about 25 years ago. I've been at it most of my adult life.

Oh my god, it's a miracle! Uncertain Future is alive! After fucking yourself up like that I thought you were dead. You must of had a near death wood chipper experience.

Does anyone know if there's a cream to help get rid of Penis Scale? I've got a really big case of it, if you know what I mean ;)

Ya know, I never bought that Freudian stuff about penis envy causing psychological problems for women, but having read Naomi's frequent diatribes (always couched in humor) on the comments of the hormonally-challenged, that S.O.B. Freud may have been right!

I've got a fish scaler. Maybe that would work?

Nah. A fish scaler is for putting the scales _on_ fish, fool. what you need is the following recipe:

Take 50 ml of strong hydrochloric acid, 25 ml of bleach, and 1 (one) 250ml bottle of kettle descaler (sink deblocker of the non-foaming variety will work at a pinch). Mix together in a shallow Pyrex(tm) bowl, and simmer gently until the mixture boils. Add a pinch of dried chili. Remove mixture from heat and submerge the offending member for a time between 15 seconds and 2 minutes (depending on the number and thickness of the scales).

HTH. HAND.

I hate to interject a serious comment, but NEVER mix hydrochloric acid with bleach, even as a joke. They will react quite vigorously and release chlorine gas. It is quite toxic and will dissolve your lungs in a hurry. The Germans used it in WWI.

There are some household products that are really very deadly if mishandled. Just thought I would point this out to our more impressionable youngsters.

So, carry on with your merry banter and overt references to male anatomy.

Wow. Rixster has made it onto CARS. Albeit mis-spelt.

I'd have posted this to CARS ITSELF, but it doesn't have a comments facility, so I have to post this kinda crap to PVT. Really sorry.

I have a big weiner.

Mr. Future, you might have at least waited a few days with your warning until Norm had a chance to try it.

No, I guess that would be wrong...

Hmmmm...

Yeah, wrong. Dammit.

Billy Mays Here:

Trying to get rid of penis scale?Its nothing that a little KABOOM cant handle!
And remember to rinse with Oxiclean!To get rid of those nasty stains.

But-You gotta call now!

It would also be wrong to list any number of chemicals that would result in a disastrous Billy Mays conflagration.

Yep. Simply wrong.

Yessirreebobbers, wrong!

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Sigh.

And having any combination of African mercenaries, ninjas, and/or disaffected feyadeen, possibly including Swedish bikini models, to simply off, snuff, or otherwise whack Mr. Longdongsilver is wrong, too.

I pretty sure of it, but consult your local clergy.

Maybe you can talk them into it.

Hey! I resemble that comment.

you look like someone being killed by ninjas?

I have one quibble with Naomi's review. Everyone knows that our real overlords are those particularly clever hyperintelligent pandimensional beings, the mice. The chipmunks are only 63-dimensional and merely superintellingent. And based on the number of them that Norm rapes and then throws in his woodchipper, they don't seem particularly clever.

Tell me when this trans-dimentsional penile wormhole dilemma plaque has passed.
Call me at 1-800-WINKY-NOW!
Operators are standing by..... the fridge

I sent off $500 for a trans-dimensional penis the last week - it was advertised in an email. It hasn't come yet. Should I get worried?

Hey Fuddes, cut your penis to about a third of the length, and people might actually read it.

Yeah, fuddes has long posts.

Please. Norm and I are the reigning champs of longedness, and I think we all know that by now. Except for you new juvies who have no respect for your elders. Or you elders who are so brain dead you forget everything and so behave like the young'ns. I think that you've all forgotten from whence PvT was born. GMC, Piglet Bob's fetish list (which is not only longer than Norm's and Nick's and Uncertain Future's COMBINED, it's also enough to get him put on the Inquisition watch list. Theres a reason he doesn't post anymore, I invited him over for breakfast and let's just say that he took a trip to a certain country.....Germany. And I think we all know why....drinking binge. And for what purpose.....idiots, it's PIGLET FUCKING BOB! And I meant that in every way you could interpret that.

In fact, the spite between this site and CARS has itself been idle. Whats wrong? Did the VanTols invite Moltz over for an interview with one of the fancy chickens currently working for Apple and then discover Ladd had beaten the crap out of him for insinuating that the chicken might have been infact a man from Apple's Accounting Department duct tape sealed into a chicken outfit? Which is most untrue....he was from Shipping.

And where are the obnoxious condescending remarks towards the readers? You used to spend every day insulting us. Now look at yourselves. You've turned your anger outward and towards the developers, where it is rightly deserved....but it is needed here as well! Mocking the recent comments with those pithy remarks? Please. Norm did a better job on me by going after my PETS (for which I have forgiven him, because I haven't seen them in many months. On a completely unrelated and in no way connected note, Norm, you HAVE been using protection, yes? That was the deal after all.....) and that wasn't so much a remark on my own commenting ability but simply a personal attack.

In conclusion, don't think fuddes can post at great length. I didn't even BEGIN to go into JFK and what the Inquisition has in store for you all (Nothing, the recent alien incursions have forced me into a different line of work: Nuking planets. Tiresome and repetitive....you'd think obliterating all known organic life on a planet would be enjoyable time and again....but wood chippers simply ARE more fun. Especially wood chippers that are on fire, and have rusty blades, and go really slow cause you forget to oil them, and also have a guy with a big stick forcing you through cause the opening is just BARELY too small. Makes extermination really slow, but FAR more enjoyable)

So before you criticize someone's post length (unless it's Norm, who I bow down to in the commenting area. But he makes a lousy Inquisitor) just remember that I lurk in the shadows, but only because my doctor suggested I remain out of the sun due to an allergic reaction with some medication I'm taking.

An amendment to the previous post. I forgot something.

Nick, keep the bolter tucked away. This isn't a sign of my return.

Dear Laemkral,

I am glad to see that you have forgiven me! As a token of good will I invite you to join me in having sex with your pets. In fact I will let you go first and ruffle the fur of fluffy your dog. I think I can learn a few things from you in this regard since they are YOUR pets. I see how your dog likes to sniff your butt all the time and the way you scratch the hind legs is so sexy. Have you ever thought of becoming an barn yard porn star? You must love your dogs a lot since I hear them howling every night. Have you ever thought of doing it with a dog and a hamster at the same time?

BTW, I do use "protection". That's why I carry a 2x4 with me wherever I go.

Norm, I graciously thank you for the invitation, but I have to say no. Inquisitorial duties still require me to deal with some alien...hold on.

*DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA*

*returns covered in alien blood and ichor*

Sorry about that. Like I said, duty calls.

Meow meow love meow meow perversiontacker.com!
Meow meow think meow meow perversiontacker.com meow meow super!

Hi, there! Peace, and other such crap!

Me and the other various avatars, incarnations, messiahs, and demigods have been having sort of a discussion about morality shit, and the results were REALLY fascinating! While we couldn't agree on almost anything else, we instantaneously came to a consensus that Laemkral could be:

a) drawn and quartered
b) quartered, and deep fried with hot sauce
c) crucified, but without the whole Sabbath next day thingie (JC is over there hooting at me)
d) run over by a truck driven by either Salvation Army or St. Vincent de Paul volunteers, and then backed over again
e) tied up with wire, covered with Cheez-Whiz, and dropped into a cage with 100 hamsters
f) splayed open in the porpoise pool with anchovies up his butt
g) forced to defend Nathan Bedford Forrest to a Naomi bot for the rest of this particular cosmological expansion

There's more, but we figured that, like, while we have eternity, you folks need to get started. So, like Ommm, or whatever. Ciao!

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