War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
Sponsored by
L337.com
If you enjoy driving a stodgy brick of a station wagon around an despicably repugnant track all the livelong day, then this is your game. The innovative three hundred foot turning radius, and other top-notch auto performance features make this car racing simulation “the one to beat.”
Find your way to firmer buttocks with the following three easy steps:
The ease with which your chariot flips through the air will delight even the most lackadaisical of lipogrammatists, while the no-expense-spared two-dimensional rendering of trees seems aimed only at inflaming the already raging passions of the professional arborist.
If you had a burrito in one hand, and a page of filthy limericks in the other, would you still need me? If I were to write software for a metric year in a small antipodean cupboard, what would be the point of growing freckles any longer? Please tell me, I’m asking you why. You can’t hide these things from me, and I know you’re a liar.
Although I would normally inquire “Wooden Shoe Rather Be Dutch?,” Steven Verstoep’s commission of folly in implementing this little shop of shareware has moistened my normally indefatigable lowlander pride. As such, I feel it best to furtively excrete a protein-packed 11.0 rating onto Mr. Verstoep’s Revaro Software.
Posted by ladd at February 11, 2004 09:37 PM | TrackBackWOO HOO! First comment!
I'm Number 1!
I'm Number 1!
Obviously I have nothing actually worthwhile to say.
Posted by: Uncertain Future on February 11, 2004 10:11 PMIts a good thing that the warped perspective can properly stretch out your vomit as you nauseously play. Still not as good as artisia racer.
Posted by: on February 11, 2004 11:29 PMI have a big wiener.
Posted by: longdongsilver on February 12, 2004 02:02 AM
Who doesn't like 2 dimensional trees?
Whatever you do, don't flip the car. You can flip it at 10 mph and the car will roll 15 times over 30 seconds. Driving on the moon sucks.
Posted by: YoMama on February 12, 2004 06:53 AMLadd van Tol, king of the non sequitur.
All hail the King!
As you approach the 2nd checkpoint, drive off the cliff. Your speed will oscillate from 190 to 0 in an instant, and you'll be stuck in a loop. Excellent programming job there. An 11 is too good for it.
Posted by: Fringe on February 12, 2004 09:41 AMThe car looks like a brick.
Posted by: A.Y.B.A.B.T.U. on February 12, 2004 10:43 AMThe bar looks like a crick...
Posted by: panic on February 12, 2004 12:35 PMDon't they realize that to have an exciting, fast paced car racing game, you need to add in the random fancy chicken crossing the road.
Posted by: U. D. Mann on February 12, 2004 12:48 PMAnd nuns! Don't forget about the nuns!
Posted by: Nick on February 12, 2004 12:59 PMNuns?
There are nuns!
I mean, there are none.
No nuns.
None.
What's black and white and red all over?
A nun with her hand caught in the garbage disposal.
A Nun in Norm's wood chipper?
Posted by: Nick on February 12, 2004 03:41 PMYou know, what's really creeping me out is how much Ladd and Naomi's syntax has been merging of late. Like, has anyone actually seen them together lately? I'm starting to think along 'Psycho' lines here.
Umm, I gotta go check the shower...
Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on February 12, 2004 04:06 PMpenis , inc
Posted by: randy rodger on February 12, 2004 06:44 PMbadger
Posted by: www.badgerbadgerbadger.com on February 12, 2004 09:32 PMI'm the guy who posted the long review...and yup, my prediction was right :)
Posted by: Diordna on February 13, 2004 12:24 PMdickie! what a richard!
don't forget the penis.
why doesn't any one ever mention the vagina?
vagina. i have one would you like to see it??
Hey now! Don't jump to any irrational conclusions Mr./Mrs. The Tunnel, I've mentioned the vagina before. Best read through the archive before you go spouting off lies. Blatant and hurtful lies! I've been a proponent of the vagina for years now, check my paystubs!
Not really sure what I meant by that.
On Friday the 13th, Feb 2004, PerversionTracker got flooded.
ADRENALIN RACING OWNS
Dear rotten.com,
I am unsure if you are aware of the problems that your
"Incident with the bird" picture has caused on the
popular technology website slashdot
(http://slashdot.org). Many users of this site's
messageboards are posting links to
http://smoke.rotten.com/bird and making text based
representations of a bird on a man's p3nis. Frankly,
while I am pro-freedom, this type of photo sickens me.
Could you please move the location of the bird page
on your site to keep slashdot readers from seeing
things that are completeley unrelated to computers and
technology? I'm not asking you to remove the content,
just to relocate it.
FYI the text representation of the bird is:
<|0)
( /\
8==x==D
with a link to the offensive site
(http://smoke.rotten.com/bird) underneath, these
"p3nis Birds" are posted by p3nis Bird Guy, p3nis Bird
MAN and several other users
Regards,
Andrew J. Tosh
Adrenalin Racing Author
Yawn. Some flood. You got, what, 10 messages into it before auto-blocking kicked in?
As a special treat to the users, I'll leave one copy of your delightful bird on penis message intact.
Lovingly,
Ladd
Posted by: Ladd on February 13, 2004 10:06 PMBuncha savages in this town...
Posted by: Nick on February 13, 2004 10:28 PMI guess that parrrot sure knows which is the "one to beat"!
I think it would be happier on a bigger perch, though ...
(EllipsisAdder™ 1.01, copyright Naomi van Tol...)
Posted by: Uncertain Future on February 14, 2004 09:12 AMMr. Tosh, if I learned anything in the short time I brought a reign of confusion, itchy palms,and the occasional paint based maladry upon these comment board-things, it's that the Inquisition never dies, it just simply has 3 codexes released for it, and that the Van Tols are powerful gods on this website. They control the code, watch every post, and know all the entrances and exits. But they don't use certain ones because of Belvedere's hobbies....also because Norm blocked one with the wood chippered bodies of my assistants.
Also, to try and fight the site is futility.The people here are mad to the nth degree, n being a number between x and y and less than negative infinity and more than positive infinity as well as the integral of an equation so long and complex I dare not type it for fear I will never be able to leave the keyboard. Also, x > 5.
In fact, your very prescence here has done nothing more than light a fire in their minds from which bagels with lox and cream cheese (hold the capers) spring eternal. You have marked yourself for condemnation of the highest degree.....
Um, I had a point, but I forgot it because they are all now poking me with sticks to see if I'm real. I am in fact NOT, but am merely a rare parrot serving as one of Norm's concubines. What, you thought he was only into chickens? Heavens no. Sometimes a man NEEDS something exotic. And dead. I did say I was a DECEASED rare parrot, right? No?
Well, just remember to learn from this experience and write better software or write NO software.
You can leave now, I'm quite done.
Posted by: Laemkral on February 15, 2004 02:17 PMLaemkral, old chum, I am impressed. The singular effort that it must have required to chew through the ball gag and dislocate your limbs to escape the straight-jacket is profound evidence of a truly focused mind. I'm sure that hacking into the institution's mainframe to produce your comment was child's play compared to disposing of the Seal team that was assigned to monitor you.
I can't seem to get rid of my Seals, they say I smell like fish.
Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on February 15, 2004 07:26 PMI wish to make a truculant "no comment" on the fact that there have been no comments on this software for the last 24 hours.
Although a lack of commentary from our critical commentators on completely crass commercial creations can cause a concomitant curtailment of crystal-clear comments from curious creatures of uncommon acuity.
Either that or no on gives a shit.
Posted by: Uncertain Future on February 16, 2004 02:38 PMI gave a shit once. I think it was January of '86. I didn't get much else done that day. Also, deceased rare parrots notwithstanding, it's good to see Laemkral out and about free of his manacles.
Posted by: Nick on February 16, 2004 06:14 PMI'd suggest dried fruit, except for my fears that it might result in a prolonged bout of Nick crap.
Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on February 16, 2004 06:27 PMand nobody wants that...
Posted by: Nick on February 16, 2004 07:27 PMThat guy with the parrot is a big weiner.
Posted by: longdongsilver on February 17, 2004 01:55 AMGrr. Evil blocker people! Please see:
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=weiner
And then reverse the i and the e. Everyone knows that i comes before e except after c.
I may be dumb but I have a big sausage.
Posted by: on February 17, 2004 01:58 AMbadger
Posted by: www.badgerbadgerbadger.com on February 17, 2004 09:15 PMStop badgering us!
Posted by: aussie boy on February 18, 2004 01:51 AMI clicked on the badger link. I saw the badgers. I saw the mushroom. I saw the snake.
I had a flashback to 1968, and my eyes started to bleed.
Now will somebody please get these ants out of my eye sockets.
Please.
Please!
Pleeeeeeeeeeeease!
Posted by: aussie boy on February 18, 2004 01:57 AMWhat we need around here are some Happy Tree Friends!
Posted by: Uncertain Future on February 18, 2004 04:57 AMLike badgers only with Lions
Posted by: http://dev2.weebls-stuff.com/kenya3.swf on February 18, 2004 10:01 AMHas anyone seen the Family van Tol lately???
'Cuz it's been like a week since the last review...
Fancy chicken uprising?
I fear the worst.
Posted by: Robo on February 18, 2004 12:43 PMThis site sucks anyway.
Posted by: The Collective Opinion Of Everyone on February 18, 2004 01:08 PMActually, it's not this site that is the problem.
There is really no such thing as gravity - it's the entire universe that sucks.
Posted by: Uncertain Future on February 18, 2004 02:24 PMYou know what else sucks?
Not having a messenger pigeon. Luckily I know where you can get your very own.
Nick's Tiny Pen Wielding Pigeons Emporium
Get yours today!