War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
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L’Astrologue is an astrological software, intended to compute, draw and interpret natal charts on the Macintosh. It has been developed on Macintosh because there was a lack of such programs on this platform. Planetary and houses positions are computed with great accuracy (less than two arc minutes in longitude) and the calculation routines are the result of an intricate research and were tested over a long period of time.
Hot on the illustrious heels of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Sigmund Freud and the musical von Trapp family, L’Astrologue comes to America from the dirndl-infested hills of Austria. The high altitudes and giant blood sausages of this quiet Alpine republic have inspired many of its citizens to mighty feats of creative genius and artistry and, eventually, sadly, a rapid spiral into a mad frenzy of bodybuilding and astrology.
It’s not that we’re total skeptics about this astrology concept — after all, the full moon does cause a pretty dramatic upswing in our own desire to eat raw human flesh, ripping it off the broken dripping bones with our large hairy paws and — ahem, yes — but we do think that scrying the future from the natural rotation of stars and planets is a little less reliable than basing your predictions on the evocative swirl of a flushed turd.
However, for reviewing purposes, we parked our disbelief in the “time out chair” and turned a slap-happy gaze to the heavens. We noted that this logiciel d’astrologie pour Macintosh is also available in Francaise and Deutsche versions, which of course made us feel deliciously sexy and cosmopolitan all over. We were closing in on first base when our sultry progress was halted by a Missing Font Alert, and our frolicsome mood quickly turned ugly.
Once the wayward font was located and nailed into position, things got worse. The demo version of L’Astrologue only permits the creation of star charts for years ending in zero. So in order to test this app’s ability to predict the cosmic ups and downs of a non-zero-year person, we’d have to shell out 49 Euros (or a whopping $62, which still can’t buy you love) and, perhaps more importantly, we’d also have to believe in astrology.
13 Intersoft & Consulting GmbH — if that’s your real name — how could you? You built up our fragile hopes, only to squash them like a giant squid in a Rotochopper. Now we’ll never know how the story turns out. Take this 10.8 and don’t look back.
Download L’Astrologue
Posted by naomi at February 9, 2004 05:00 PM | TrackBackEstoy primero.
Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on February 9, 2004 05:18 PMThese words are true: the stars tell our fates as surely as the sun doth spin about the earth. Those who doubt are surely damned.
But then, maybe it's just my honkin' big new G5 talking...
Posted by: Nostradamus on February 9, 2004 05:32 PMSomething that has always puzzled me:
If "The Sound of Music" was set in Austria, how come there's no kangaroos or kookaburras? And koalas? All those kewl "k" names. And they never showed that big opera house thing, neither. Maybe it was all up Uranus.
Posted by: Uncertain Future on February 9, 2004 07:49 PMHallo?
I would like, please to put in an order for the roto-squid chopper? Will save me hours on the beach doing my things?
I can offer several items of a very high value the Americans will surely enjoy!
Keep me posted, believe me I am breathless by my telephone!
Love,
WPW, PhD, Jr.
(Not related to Donkey Kong, Jr.)
Winky, a soul of squid choppery
a chap not fit for vain foppery
cephalopod friend?
nay, they meet their end.
And then we eat them quite sloppily.
Having personally crawled inside a Rotochopper (without it running) I seriously think that if a giant squid got in a noble struggle with a Rotochopper, that the giant squid would prevail. Although the squid would sustain serious damage, it would, in all likelihood survive the attack.
First off, the Rotochopper has little mobility, especially if it was an electric machine. Secondly, a giant squid would only fight if it was in the water, in which case the Rotochopper would not be functional, accept for the coloring pump, which would spray futile streams of carbon-based dye.
Briefly— heavy industry shouldent mess with giant squids.
Dear God! Do people still believe in this benighted tosh?
That half a dozen stars (each often in a different solar system or galaxy altogether, and separated by anything up to thousands of light years or more) squadrillions of kilometres away can have anything to do with me cutting myself shaving yesterday beggars belief.
Mind you, the fact that we all keep coming back to this grime-ridden, louse-infested cesspit to get our jollies is no laughing matter either ...
C'est la vie. Toodle pip.
Posted by: aussie boy on February 10, 2004 03:33 AMI let random stars determine my fate once. I ended up in Paraguay with a boat salesman named Carlos. We ate 14 dozen fried clams and drank 7 pitchers of Paraguaian Brain Molestor. We ended up selling all of Carlos' boats to a fern named Lupe. I think that there is a warrant for me in Paraguay still. The point is, don't let stars and math decide your path, you idiots!
Posted by: Nick on February 10, 2004 07:19 AMYour mom... in a wetsuit.
Posted by: kjones on February 10, 2004 12:36 PMYeeeeees! And then what? Hurry up before the flash batteries go flat!
Posted by: aussie boy on February 10, 2004 08:17 PMbadger
Posted by: www.badgerbadgerbadger.com on February 12, 2004 09:35 PMIs your review of L'Astrologue intended to be funny ?
You don't know anything about astrology and you want to make a review of our software...
What a pity...