Yay! First post again!

(All You Base Are Belong To Us)

PENIS!!!!!

PENIS!!!!!

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
And all of our base
Are belong to you."

I'm assuming that the photo of the young gentleman is there to illustrate your point; in the right light, I suppose he COULD look a lot like a penis.

Billy Mays Here:

Penis!

Kaboom!

Hey, cut that out! I slave all day over a hot stove to put dinner on the table, and you ungrateful kids just sit there throwing penises at each other. It's very upsetting.

I'm leaving to suck down some booze now, and when I get back, I expect to see a major improvement in the level of discourse around here. Here's a starting point for you: Name a famous landmark that looks like a penis.

Baja.

Iowa

Duh, the answer she was looking for is the Empire State Building. Or the Sears Tower. Or the John Hancock building. Which is doubly-good since it has "cock" in the name, but we won't mention that.

Don't be so "cock"-sure, Jan. What about "Big" Ben?

Perhaps we should not mention the similarities between the Grand Canyon and certain parts of female anatomy? I know we are talking about penises, but they do kind of "go together" (I slay myself sometimes!).

I think we should all stop talking about penises. It is not appropriate material for young kids. Instead lets talk about something educational the whole family can talk about, something educational. For example, let's talk about how they made butter in the 1800s.

In those days, they used a butter churn to change the dairy products into butter. A butter churn usually consisted of a cylindrical barrel and the churning device. This device had a long sleek handle that would glisten in the sun. It was made out of sturdy hard wood. Some of the old timers would call it a woody while the more recent butter churners would call it a dick. Churning the butter was a long hard process usually engaged by the hardest Swedish woman in the town since they had thick bones and calluses of steel on their palms. These woman would carefully run there hands up and down the woody until they found just the right spot to grab it where the weight balanced out just right. Then with a very rhythmic motion they would move the woody up and down gracefully in a motion that would take your breath away. They would continue this for hours on end unto the butter turned into a creamy white substance. At that point they would dip their fingers in to the cream and taste it. Of coarse they swallowed what they tasted since that would tell them if the butter was done or not. When the butter was done, they would yell, "woo-hoo uf-da!"

Now, wasn't that educational, something the whole family can enjoy!

Florida (when you haven't ordered your boner medicine (the system wouldn't let me post the V word) from any of the multitude of e-mails offering it).

winky!

a gentle worming sensation!

Go lie in the road, Norm.

Dear Valrus,

But I can't run over myself if I lie down on the road. Its like operating a wood chipper and jumping into it at the same time.

I'd just like to say: smegma.

That is all.

Whew! Glad to see english being used again. Shlong!

My penis. Visible from the moon, the sun and Alpha Centauri, regardless of the angle at which you look at our fair green/blue/skincolored planet. When I die and "good ol' Hank" is donated to the world bloodbanks will become obsolete novelties of yore and Africa will have enough dried meat to last them a century.

And I can prove it too: I drive a small economy car.

This just in: A suicide bomber, disguised as a sperm whale, exploded in Taiwan. See
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3437455.stm

Dear fuddes,

I have given new meaning to "buttering" up your honey, don't you think?

Here in Australia, we are in the grips of an almost unprecedented three-summer drought. Therefore I resent all this talk of penises when people and animals (and grass) are suffering.

So I don't want to hear any references to dongers, pork swords, hot beef injections, and so on.

Nor do I want anyone to put the fishbowl on their head and stand semi-naked on the coffee table reciting limericks, especially:

There was a young rabbi named Keith
Who circumcised boys with his ...

Harrumph! No more of that! You people make me sick! Sick, I tells ye! Yes, sick. Yes, sick ... Yes! Sick! Yes! Sick! Yes, yes, yes!

Fwahahahahahahahaha! Fwahahahahahaha ... hurrrrrgh!

Damn! Just vomited up last night's shoe ...

Would I be out of line if I said "vagina", then?

I have a big wiener.

How could I *not* comment on this?

1) I notice Naomi didn't mention things that felt
like a penis

2) or things that smell like a penis

3) or things that taste like a penis (chicken perhaps?)

4) Listen to Rodney Carrington's song
'Dear Penis'. Several legal versions
available via internet.

longdongsilver, well let go of it, I have to go home now...

Yeah, no problem, man -- VAGINA is cool with me. Also OVARIES and UTERUS and MENSTRUATION and (for the truly adventurous) VULVA!

In the accomanying picture, Ladd looks like a fancy chicken has just attacked his testicles.

You forgot the mons pubis, labia majora and labia minora, Naomi. But hey, we're all human.

I think we've labelled all the bits now.

Wait! No! There's more!

Cervix ... check! Fallopian tubes ... check! Clitoris ... check! Fundus ... check! Introitus ... check!

Well, that seems to be about it.

Actually, we should have stuck to male genitalia, 'cause they have much funnier names: vas deferens (titter!) and ... and ... epididymis!

Fwahahahahaha! Fwahahahahahah! "Epididymis" kills me!

Or is that prostate ...

In a previous comment naomi yelled at us because we were throwing penises around and she was going out to get drunk. I think we should take advantage of this situation. When she comes back we will tell her that we got a boo-boo on our fingers and ask if she would kiss it and make it feel better. Then we will let her kiss our wee wees. In here drunken stupor she won't know the difference.

Shhhh...everybody hide...here she comes...

...and that's the story of how Norm got put in prison.

Dear Nick,

I have to say, your comment made me bust a gut laughing. Good one!

I will spare you from the wood chipper for couple of days! You earned it!

All right people, move along, move along. There's nothing more to see here. Don't look back.

That high pitched squealing noise? No, no, that's just the wind.

Yes, Norm will be along in a moment.

Or NOT.

DONGS, BONGS

You crazy kids!

We're not crazy - we're just channeling the spirits of berserkers. Well, maybe that's the same thing. (Penis)

would u like to see my penis?

Jesus! Enough with the dick already. Don't you people get enough dick while you're at work? I know Norm does.

Billy Mays here:

I'm thinking...last post.

All your p3n1s3s ar3 belonging to us

milestone? Surely you meant millstone.

Oh my, is that Boris??

BORIS HAS A VERY NICE PENIS.

Boris, your hair is thinning.

Hmmm....in five years you never did give me an orgasm, I'm taking back the second comment.