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Every tupping time, we tell them to use proper anti-aliased fonts. But do they listen to us? Do they even realize that use of REALbasic has been clinically proven to produce jacked up interface elements?
Further, if we’re going to be shelling out 5 big buckaroos (285 little buckaroos) for this polished fecal globule, we expect a less hokey-jokey name than “PianistEnvy” — the mind revolts when it is unwillingly led down the slippery garden path to the land of penises and melons…
Although the application does appear to function adequately if you’re used to tiny 12-keyed pianos, it becomes shriveled and helpless once confronted with ditties requiring 13 or more keys. Shameful. Shocking. Well, actually, given that this is MelonSoft, not so shocking after all.
MelonSoft: please make it your Chinese New Year’s resolution to stop appearing in our pages with such alarming frequency. In the interval before the time when cockroaches once again rule the earth — happily coinciding with your inevitable fulfillment of that resolution — please enjoy this hearty slice of 10.8.
Posted by ladd at January 22, 2004 09:00 PM | TrackBackI have Penis Envy.
What?
Oh, Pianist, as in piano. Right, nevermind. Just forget I said anything.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on January 22, 2004 09:44 PMNorm,
Tried desperately to forget. Even went so far as to floss (mentally, of course, not dentally) with drano soaked barbwire. But cumulatively, all the things you have "said" are, truly, impossible to forget.
Oh, that i could forget!
Here we go again. Somebody pretending to be me and posting drivel in my name. Though, I can't disagree with the false N.O.T.'s interpretation on the matter, but I think I would have said it a little more creatively. For example, the following paragraph explains the idea of penis envy far better...
In the spirit of FCF, you guys have pecker envy! Yah that's right, you have pecker envy!!! Look at this fucking pecker and see how big it is. It looks like it came from a turkey, but it is really from some whacked out chicken. So, you are probably thinking, "What the hell is Norm talking about because this has nothing to do with a piano?" Butt you would be wrong!!! If you take that chicken and grab it by the legs with both hands and slam that chicken into the piano with all your might, you will hear the delightful sounds of a chicken pecker hitting the ivories. This is what happens when you eat to much beef and get mad cow disease. So the moral of the story is if you eat beef, your pecker will be playing the blues.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell (the real one) on January 22, 2004 11:17 PMHey, the fonts appear aliased in the screenshots on MelonSoft's website. What's that all about?
I obviously can't be bothered to download tripe like this and actually find out for myself.
Posted by: El Capitano Corelli on January 23, 2004 02:13 AMNorm O. is right. That must have been an imposter. Norm can't submit a comment without somehow making it the length of a novella.
Posted by: fuddes on January 23, 2004 07:21 AMWill the real Norm O. Tidwell please sit down and shut up?
I _thought_ that was asking too much...
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on January 23, 2004 12:13 PMHmm, you missed the fact that they got the keys wrong (on a real piano, the white keys are longer than the black ones -- here, it's the reverse).
Posted by: David Dunham on January 23, 2004 02:06 PMIt probably has to do with their Envy. Perhaps they've always wished that their ebony keys were as long (or longer of course) as the ivory ones.
We've uncovered the true Pianist-Envy.
I'm looking forward to experiencing those jacked up interface elements.
Posted by: Uncertain Future on January 23, 2004 04:04 PMBilly Mays Here:
PianistEnvy just one of the many things that can be cleaned by soaking in a bucket of OXYclean.
Dont just clean it-OXYclean it!
Oh and taken Nick.
Posted by: Billy Mays on January 23, 2004 08:52 PMIn the January 2004 edition of MacAddict, Page 68, there is an article detailing how to build an application almost identical to this with RealBasic. PianistEnvy [sic] has a few more features, but not enough to justify 5 bucks.
Posted by: System Folder on January 25, 2004 12:09 AMLet me ask you a question? If one were masturbating and accidentally used super glue as a lubricant and then one suddenly found his hand glued to his penis, how embarrassing would that be in the emergency room at the hospital?
How embarrassing it would be would depend on how long on the length of one's penis.
I see...[long pause]...never mind.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on January 25, 2004 12:47 AMThat's obviously not the real N.O.T. either. If it were he would have rambled on for three pages about using Japanese Skunk Porn before engaging in said self-pleasing activity. And then he would have something about killing a baby.
I need some scotch.
Posted by: Nick on January 25, 2004 08:07 AM!esrevinu lellarap a ni deppart m'I !pleH
Posted by: llewdiT .O morN on January 25, 2004 02:08 PMHeh, heh,
He said COCKroaches while reviewing PianistEnvy :)
Posted by: U. D. Mann on January 25, 2004 07:23 PMBy accident, the real N.O.T. walked into a clone-maker-machine, that still was in pre-beta. So that's why there's so much NOT's around here, that doesn't write an equally amount of text.
BTW, Clone Maker 0.2 can be freely downloaded: www.clonemaker.com
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on January 26, 2004 05:41 AMI'm a program bug. I ended up with 6 legs and no penis.
Posted by: Norm O'Tidwell on January 26, 2004 07:24 AMI have a very large penis.
My girlfriend loves my large penis.
I'll show to you my large penis.
You can touch my large penis.
Hey you chickens here comes the Rooster.