Lotto Sorcerer 3.2.1

Lotto Sorcerer is a premier lottery number analysis and lottery prediction software. It uses advanced statistical analysis and fifth-generation artificial intelligence (neural network) algorithms to detect winning patterns and weighted influences in prior lottery draws, and then advises you, based on the best winning strategy. If there is a pattern to previous winning numbers based on hot and cold numbers, Lotto Sorcerer will find that pattern, and recommend numbers to play accordingly. The idea is to give you an advantage, just as an expert blackjack player, knowing how many high cards are left in the deck, can adjust his betting to take advantage of the improved odds.

Although it is true that you cannot predict the outcome of truly random events, Lotto Sorcerer looks for non-random patterns. Despite lottery officials’ attempts to make the drawings random, some weighted influence can alter the randomness. For example, does the weight of the ink on the balls have an effect? After all, some balls have more ink than others, so there must be a weight variance. Are the balls of exactly the same thickness? Probably not; plastic manufacturers generally cannot keep tolerances ±0.005” (0.127 mm). Different thicknesses mean different weights. Although the weight differences are small, they still could effect whether some balls get picked more than others.

Continuing Satori Publishing’s musings, we surmise that it should be possible to predict the likelihood of an exception of class NilObjectException not being handled at some point during our use of this $16.95 (1,929 Albanian Lek) assemblage of mole droppings. Given the use of REALbasic and mountain beaver-esque physiology of Lotto Sorcerer’s author, we can apply a back-propagating neural network technique, and predict the probability of this exception occurring to be greater than 98%. As you can observe from the attached screenshot, our prediction was spot-on, proving us to be 10,000x more accurate than Lotto Sorcerer at this simple task of event forecasting.

We were further amused by Lotto Sorcerer’s contention that our imaginary lottery (the UltraMegaBallz6000Scratch’N’Pick) would require between -2^32 and 0 drawings. This makes less sense than building a Meat Smoothie™ machine. Regrettably, the preponderance of NilObjectExceptions prevented us from determining the ideal numbers for UltraMegaBallz6000Scratch’N’Pick.

Even more peculiarly, when we added a second lottery titled “Bob,” with the repeating drawing of “1-2-3-4-5-6,” Lotto Sorcerer adamantly suggested our best bet was to alter the sequence and add the numbers 11 and 12. Apparently real lotteries never have 6 numbers run hot continuously. UNLESS MOST OF THE BALLS ARE MISSING! BET YOU DIDN’T THINK OF THAT, SATORI PUBLISHING!!

Lotteries are a tax on those with poor math skills. Lotto Sorcerer only imposes another financial obligation on those impoverished raffle hounds, who are easily impressed with complex “scientific” methods like neural networks. As such we tender a scientifically-computed 10.7 (±0.005%), which should be easily convertible to a small quantity of mothballs. We hope it does not cause excessive fainting, or emaciation of the body.

“I’m pedaling backwards!”

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