HazIce 0.2

While attending WWDC, we presciently augured the coming flood of Safari rip-offs built around Apple’s WebKit. Although a few have appeared, it has not been in the numbers we anticipated, indicating that our Scientifically Limitless Underground Research Performing Eugenics on Developers (SLURPED) is proceeding apace, improving the gene pool of Mac shareware developers wherever they furtively mingle their gametes. A rigorously adhered-to program of sterilization and breeding disincentives helps to ensure that only the most HIG-abiding engineers are allowed to disperse their germinal fluids. Fortunately, in many of the specimens we examined, hygienic challenges and failures to interact socially precluded any significant risk of the occurrence of breeding, thus saving us from costly and violent vasectomies.

Nevertheless, such an ambitious program cannot completely eliminate the possibility of genetic mutations causing instances of shoddy software development in families previously unknown to suffer from the ailment. We therefore do not consider this a failure for the SLURPED program, but rather an opportunity for SLURPED to deploy new research enabling prediction of risk factors leading to useless software. This should allow us to promptly nip this type of behavior in the bud.

“But what of the software?” the more horrifyingly dimpled of the audience may be murmuring at this very moment. Hold onto your panty-line, Hedwig! We were getting to that. Yes, it claims to be “one of the fastest Web Browsers available on the Mac Platform.” Although this statement could be considered “true” in an epistemologically challenged sense, the rendering relies on Safari’s toolkit, making it no faster or slower than Safari in operation. We do concede that launch times may differ slightly, but this would only be noticeable by the most rixstery of meretricians.

You’re shining like the brightest star, Oren Hazi and Yoav Weiss, a transmission on the midnight radio. Additionally your names have pleasing symmetry, but you still cannot avoid our proffered 10.6, lightly flavored with oil of bergamot.

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