I hereby bequeath and bequest my entire, priceless collection of wildebeest scrotums to PerversionTracker.

Priceless indeed! But what about poor Belvedere?

proscribe [v.]
PRON: /prO'skrIb/
FORMS: proscribed Πproscribing Πproscribes
1. To denounce and condemn; to outlaw; to prohibit; "the Puritans proscribed theaters."
2. To doom to destruction; to put out of the protection of law; to outlaw; to exile.

prescribe [v.]
PRON: /pri'skrIb/
FORMS: prescribed Πprescribing Πprescribes
1. To lay down authoritatively as a guide, direction, or rule of action; to impose as a peremptory order; to dictate; to appoint; to direct.
2. To direct, as a remedy to be used by a patient; as, the doctor prescribed quinine.

What a difference a vowel makes, eh?

I knew making fun of aussie boy was going to come back and bite me in the ass. I wanted those damn scrotums! Won't you reconsider old chum? She'll be apples if you don't, but I haven't got a brass razoo, so those scrotums, you know, would be nice to have.

Thank you for creating me!

Love,
Will

Well, I shall just have to reply to my entourage in turn.

Mickey Knox, I'm afraid Belvedere won't be left to anyone in my will. You see, I won him in a poker game in the Caribbean, from a local witch doctor with rather large genitals (loincloths were de rigeur at that particular nightclub) and dreadful halitosis (biting the heads off chickens plays havoc with one's breath, I believe). Belvedere, bless his shrivelled, motionless heart, is of the undead, and will crumble to dust at the instant my heart ceases to beat. Small wonder he is always close at hand with my angina medication ...

Hottie Doodah, consonants are no slouch either. What a difference a bowel makes!

And Nick. Dearest, dearest Nick. Why ever would I leave you the wildebeest scotums when the jewel-encrusted smegma jar of Pharaoh Khasekhemwy is in the offing? Did you think I'd forget you, old bean?

And remember, potential beneficiaries. According to the deal I've struck with the Dark One, there are still several hours until the dreadful accident with the runaway sheep scales, so get your orders in now. My fabulous collection of antique Merino pizzles is still up for grabs.

confusing = funny

Bless my bones, I had bloody well forgotten about the Pharaoh. Your a good man Aussie, I don't care what Norm O. Tidwell says. Dreadfully sorry about those sheep scales, mate.

Will Creator (who he?) proves: Rumors of the demise of HyperCard greatly exaggerated.

What? What! What does Norm O. say about me?

I can see I'm going to have to reinstall the microphones and hidden cameras in the toilet block.

Something about inbreeding and sheep fucking. I was to drunk to remember all of it. Grandad had given me a pint of his backyard white lightning and I was hearing colors at the time. Either way he should be right out of your will.

Damn his oily hide! Nick, you have done well.

As a token of my respect and goodwill, I am adding a codicil to my will and leaving you Grandmama's treasured collection of backgammon boards and paraphernalia.

I shall even have Belvedere clean the saliva (and miscellaneous other bodily fluids) from them before he packs them away.

As for Norm O. There is a man whose time has come. Or should I say whose time is up!