Fish Bowl 1.0.0

There aren’t enough silly, useless, needless applications on OS X whose sole existence and purpose in life is to make you smile. In an effort to plug that void, here is Fish Bowl. it does what it sounds like. it’s a fish bowl. A fish swims in it. He keeps you company. You can feed him. Not much else to say.

My dog, we’ve found a developer who’s honest about his product! And that fish is a widdle cutie-pie. It only does one thing, but does it well. Just like the Slinky® or Noelle Bush. And the little plastic castle is a surprise every time.

A teeny-tiny pinch of variety is created by the “feed fish” option. Like, when you click on the fish, it makes this weird lip-smacking noise and — and we’re already bored to cheesy bits by this feature. But wait! If you pay the registration fee of $2 (or eight LIVE goldfish), an exciting vista of opportunity will appear before you in the form of four additional fishies!

No, you’re right, that doesn’t do much for us either.

But today we feel like lovers, not haters, so we’ll take a few minutes out of our busy winter foraging schedule — we’re running low on pemmican again and those pesky vultures keep sneaking all the best carrion, damn their eyes — to share a few brilliant suggestions for the next version of Fish Bowl.

• Make the fish bloat incrementally with each feeding until the upper limit of the piscine digestive tract is finally reached — and then a dreadful, awful, hilarious thing happens.
• DEAD FISH — Complete with Smell-o-Vision!
• Instead of the $2 flat rate, charge $1 for goldfish, $5 for electric catfish, $10 for conger eels, $15 for tiger sharks, and $20 for Jacques Cousteau. And $2 for a goldfish with a scary shark mask and strap-on dorsal fin.
• FISH ATTACK — Insane feeding frenzies! Battle to the bloody death! Bwahahaha!
• Give users the option to bread and fry the fish in a red-hot skillet when they fail to please.
• PORNO FISH — Talk about “plugging a void.” Woo woo!
• Give the fish a vast assortment of whimsical costumes, such as: ballerina, circus clown, firefighter, part-time librarian, Swedish chef, school nurse, and deep-sea fisherman.
• FISH BOWLING — First you rent diving fins, then, um, never mind.

TwoDollarSoft, your generous contribution to our nation’s useless software stockpile has been fully noted and widely deplored. Take this non-buoyant 7.4 and go swim with the fishes.

Download Fish Bowl