It all started when a dork sat down to fondle his pork ...

BLORKATTAAAAAACK!

ACK!

Aussie made me laugh. What is this world coming to?   : )

Tell me when Fancy Something Friday starts!
I'm already wearing my slicker!
~ the wink

is PvT going to review every single one of the entrants of the uDevGames 2003 contest? cuz that would kick ass. they've already done 3.

I'm just upset that The Adventures Of Blork was ruined by this terrible sequel!

d1E l4M3rz

Meh. I quite like it. Far as I'm concerned, you can all bite me :P

Yes, let's all bite Matt. Until he dies.

When I see this review it really pisses me off. This is one of the most hilarious RPGs ever to come to mac. It is made my a solo developer who just got his site up a week ago. I wonder if any of you could have programmed a better RPG engine at age 15? (like the developer). This game is amazing, especially for a small one man inde game developer. I loved this game and played it straight though, 4 times.

Imagine that, a game developer who thinks about fun, rather than "Modern RPG"s like Icewind Dale. Who cares about those crappy excuses for RPGs. In two years Blorktronic's programming and graphics ability will have caught up with his amazing talent for hilarious and entertaining stories and events.

"We search the web for 15 minutes a day"~ PvT home page. Yep that explains it. This is a freaking RPG, you can't review a RPG in 15 minutes. Go do something useful, like play blork II, rather than beat on developers who try to the best of their abilities to make good RPGs.

Of course, if Blork is the worst you can find, either the web is looking up, or you're just plain lazy. What next? Maybe try pulling the "Top Downloads" off of version tracker and sticking them on here. Stop picking on the little people, they might steal your webring one day and cast it into mt.doom.com.

OK!
Still here waiting for Fancy Friday Whatever Day!
Chickens! Seals! (partially missing is OK) Anytihing!
Just give me Fancy Something!
Your loyal idiot,
Winky

Dear Joseph Duchesne,
You fool!

Love,
Winky

I agree with Winky 2. Mr. Duchesne, if you honestly did play this "RPG" (as you generously called it) 4 times all the way through, then I applaud you for your extensive lack of anything better to do. This thing is a crime. Not in th same sense that murder or kidnapping is a crime, but in the sense that goldfish infused platform shoes are a crime. 15 or not, the programmer should adequately learn his profession prior to unleashing a program and/or game upon the world. I am of the opinion that one should be able to something well before they attempt to do it in a public forum, lest they be subjected to ridicule. If you or the 15 year old chap that you're a fanboy of cannot handle criticism (constructive or otherwise) then I suggest a good Tony Robbins book. Cheers.

For what it's worth...

"Graphics by Joseph Duchesne and the idevgames resource library (www.idevgames.com) "
--http://www.blorktronics.com/games/blorkquest2/

That aside, the game was a valiant effort, and I can sympathize. Still, a bit more professionalism would be in order for a syndicated software like this. No one's quite wrong and no one's quite right. BLORKATTAAAAAACK!!

ACK!

Pooor you. Face it. Most early games suck. Blork 2 is quite amazing for a developers early game. Has anyone here ever tried programming an RPG engine? What are you expecting from a one man programming crew? Warcraft 4?

And yeah, I helped with the graphics a bit. Maybe 4 hours. Because I liked the idea, thought the developer was on the right track and wanted to help him. I don't want to start a flame war on RPGs, but this game is funny, I like that. Just because your opinion and my opinion on RPGs are different, doesn't mean you have to smush it, and the developers self esteem into the ground. I understand that this site is for comedy, but laughing at someone can really hurt their feelings. Although my first software (which is a piece of crap, of course) wasn't chastised here, it probably would have severely hampered my desire to program in future projects.

Maybe next time, conclude comments and articles with some suggestions, not stinging remarks. Criticism in bad, constructive criticism is good or bad, depending on your angle. If I say "and the marvelously inept keyboard navigation", that is not constructive but sounds really negative. Something such as "The developer needs to make the keys less jumpy"

My 3.42 Canadian cents

Don't worry, Joseph. We're not laughing at you, we're laughing about you.
If you don't "get" PvT then go do something constructive with your life, rather than waste it playing Blork 4 times.

As the developer I'd just like to say a few things. I program because it's a hobby, and maybe one day I may take it further than that, and I enjoy it, although that is rapidly changing for the worse. The macintosh gaming market is in a poor state, with an extreme lack of small games, and if the self-destructiveness of gamers continues in this manner the situation will never improve. Are you so naîve to think that the developers that went on to publish games under Ambrosia and Blizzard started out making top-notch games? People have to start somewhere, with small, sometimes not very successful games. If you believe that people should never release games into the public before they are of EV or Geneforge quality then you'll never end up with quality games like those. To make a succesful game you need experience, to gain experience you have to test the waters by releasing games that maybe aren't so brilliant to see the public responce, and what you can improve on etc. Who knows how many potentially brilliant developers have just given up because people just pissed in their mouths when they released their first few games. I can understand poking fun at a rather poor game that you have to pay $15 to operate, but ridiculing free software is just shameful at the very least. People, including me, spend months and possibly years on developing something which gives them absolutely no benefits whatsoever and then close-minded idiotic gamers throw their hard work back in their face because it's not as good as Doom 3. If you think my game is horrendous and a crime, then develop your own bloody rpg and see how hard it is before telling me how much I suck.

I would also like to point out that those screenshots were taken in the first 4 minutes of the game. Play the whole 1.5 hours and then maybe you can write something other than a trashy 'review' that is just an attempt to get a few cheap laughs.

oh, get a life. When I started programming back at the tender age of 10, my apps sucked. But I've overcome that and learnt from my mistakes to... Actually, scrub that. My apps still suck.

jeezus christ, people. shut up. it's a sucky game, admit it, move on. it's PvT, for crying out loud, what do you expect: simon and shuster? what the hell kind of a name is "shuster" anyway?
dumbasses, the lot of ye.

I am confused now. I do not understand why the developer kids think that 'marvellously inept' is a negative remark.

Well, sure, the 'inept' part is a little bit of a downer -- you know, if you're one of those 'glass half empty' people -- but doesn't the 'marvellous' part make it all better?

And what about the 'refreshing forthrightness' part? That has to be a good thing, right? And we all know it's not your fault about the yeast infection, although you might consider moving out of the clammy basement (a word from the wise -- two years yeast-free!).

No. You should be proud of your 11 and use it as a springboard to higher things. Jump, little monkeys, jump!

And How!

This game is about the adventures of a small green blob, and it lasts 1.5 HOURS?

Madness! It's sheer madness! And not the good kind!

If you're taking our reviews seriously, don't. Unless you're Rixter. Otherwise, learn to tell the difference between satire and a real review. If you're looking for useful, constructive feedback on a product, this is not the place to find it. And read the disclaimer.

Dear developer

Without this site, I would never tried out your game, so they made you free publicity (you are famous now). You should be happy with it.
Keep up the good work!

from Hungary / Eastern Europe

..Or we could look at this from angle 2. The dev is famous, just got free advertising (he has quite a few fans now), has had his self esteem smashed by some trashy review site and survived, and, of course, is going on to greater things at greater levels. Some people never will understand the true art in programming, and are disillusioned by huge games with engines that were 4 years in the making by a team of over 10 programmers (Halo, U2K3 among the few), and think that a low quality game is totally the developers fault. Like he/she didn't try hard enough. My first game took me 7 months, and was so scrappy I never released it. This game is pretty good, and was hilarious. Where's your humor? Brighten up a bit. Also public opinion is barely ever right. My whole school thinks ACDC is good, along with the rest of the school, but when you look at it, their lead singer is just a dude with a really bad voice (sounds like he has laryngitis and is high on about 14 different illegal substances ) who has nothing better to do than brag about his male reproductive organs and how he'll kill everyone. I would rather bead Blork2 5x over than listen to one ACDC song.

Dear Mr. Duchesne,
Please stop posting at PvT. Your posts are annoying. You misspell at least one word per post and it seems as if you slept through all of your grammar classes.
Most of us visit PvT for the humor and the clever satire. There are plenty of functionally illiterate people for you to interact with elsewhere.
Please go away.

Yes Mr Duschene... but do you get blowjobs from nubile young women in the street, with their hair brushing sensuously against your dangly bits?

I do. But only since scoring a good review at PvT.

Ha! You aren't alone, Capitano.
Except my "dangly bits" always end up somehow involving goats. Don't ask. Just back away.

After all this bickering, at least something good came out.

A wonderful review by PvT!

What smart-ass could ask for more?

Hah, "Most of us visit PvT for the humor and the clever satire" Sorry, I can't help laughing. PT is one of the least funny sites I have ever seen, run by a person(or maybe even more than one person) who has an intense dislike for developers. I can see some humor in it, but indiscriminately bashing developers worldwide is never OK. Whoever runs this site should clean up his/her act and start putting more than 15 minutes a day into the junk here, or reduce the number of articles. I don't mean to bash him/her/it to much but you're ruining some peoples lives with this site for the enjoyment of others. Also, feel free to smash my first game. http://sub-luna.staronesw.com/ it deserves PT more than most other games here :) .

Yo, Jo.
I was going to post a rather lengthy response about how you seem to consistently fail to understand what PvT is all about, even with being told to actually *read* the site you're trying to belittle. I was going to mention that if you'd bothered, you'd learn that the fine folks who run this site don't indiscriminately bash all developers, just ones who make sucky programs that don't follow any sort of GUI guidelines or asthetics or work well, not so much to belittle them, but to make them realize that bashing out a crapitudinal program does not make them a good developer. In the end, they can learn from their mistakes, if they're not too blinded by their own shortsightedness. I was going to tell you all this, but then I said 'Ah screw it. He's too thickheaded with monkey vomit where his brains should be to get it at all.' Then I ate a pineapple pizza and had sex with a goat.

Well, all except for the goat part.

Just dropping into lol at this awful game.

Alright, this may be a pretty poor game.

How many of you can even write an adding program on a calculator?

Give the kid a break. He done good for an original game.

Man oh man. Over on Portal of Evil we call Joey's little game the 'fagdance'. And he sure was hoofing away there. In only three posts he covered all the bases your average furry takes in thirty. IT'S PERSECUTION! YOU CAN'T DO BETTER! THE PUBLIC ARE SHEEPLE! YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAAAAAANNNNND MEEEEEE

This game sux but it looks kewl in a dumb way.

PoE is gay-ass shit. And not in a "good gay" kind of way. More like in a "prison sex gay" kind of way. And not in the "good prison sex" kind of way. More like in the "extremely hairy grossly overweight and not-at-all-cute cellmate with bad personal hygiene and multiple STDs and no lubricant prison sex" kind of way.

That is all.

I actually really like The Adventures of Blork 2. I found it really funny and fun to play, in a shite way. It didn't crash my computer (PowerMac G3) and I found it a fun way to play something simple and cruddy when I don't want to spend a lot of time building up my latest Amazon in Diablo II.

I don't think you should play it more than once, though.