War is not healthy for fancy chickens and other living things.
Sponsored by
L337.com
This plug adds snow flakes to your clip. “Why would I need that?” — you’d ask. Well, for one, it frees you from filming your clips while using real snow, since you can add snow to any clip after the fact. Plus, it helps you to get into the winter spirit. Furthermore, it comes with more features and tricks than you can shake a christmas tree at.
With its smorgasbord of titillating options, running the gamut from “flake color” to “pile-up,” we can hardly bear to remember our hardscrabble existence in the grim days before we discovered the Snow Flakes plug-in. Our home movies were gray, bloated and completely lifeless, much like Aunt Betty after last year’s memorable Thanksgiving dinner.
Yes, we always tried our best to capture the gay fleeting spirit of the holidays, but it usually bit us savagely in a moist private region and escaped down the heating grate. Year after year, it was the same sad story, only varying by the extent of bandaging and skin grafts required. But this year will be different.
Now we can secretly tape our beloved family at a more relaxed and natural moment — perhaps when they are defenestrating kittens, or sleeping off the nog in the woodshed — then we can add snowflakes and a sleighbell-infested soundtrack to create the hollow illusion of holiday cheer. It’s simply brilliant, in a cold and bitter sort of way, or it would be if the snowflakes didn’t look so crappy.
This app reminds us of the true meaning of the holidays. It’s not about the big shiny presents, or the unexpected stocking-stuffers, or the dead pine tree in the living room, or the grease fire in the kitchen. No — it’s not about those things. It’s about family, and love, and huffing cans of fake snow until we pass out. It’s also about love. And losing brain cells. And did we mention the love? Damn, it’s so warm in here. And so itchy. How can you stand it?!
cf/x products, in your modestly uncapitalized fashion, you have made our little green hearts grow three sizes today. You deserve a well-packed 8.2, which we will deliver the moment your back is turned.
Posted by naomi at November 10, 2003 02:36 PM | TrackBackFirst or at least second... maybey third.
Posted by: Dr. Claw on November 10, 2003 02:40 PMDefinitely, second post!
Posted by: Left Field on November 10, 2003 03:57 PMI can't help but notice that you posted a picture of a grave marker with snow flakes. Makes me wonder if you took my previous advice and posted a picture with some deep dark satirical meaning behind it. Hmmmm...don't help me...I can get this! OK, we are past holloween, so it can't have anything to do with ghosts. I got it! Thanksgiving is coming up and you didn't have the heart to kill your beloved chickens for the thanksgiving dinner so you went to the grave yard to dig up grampa. Hey, he "tastes" like chicken. You are saving grandma for christmas.
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on November 10, 2003 05:03 PMJust where can I "Download" some of this snow?
;) ;)
Posted by: Daryl Strawberry on November 10, 2003 05:08 PMwhere it says "'Download' Snow Flakes"
;) ;)
Oh snow flakes.Ah never mind.
Posted by: Daryl Strawberry on November 10, 2003 06:34 PMI like how the headstone just says "coffin". It's like somebody was too poor to have their name engraved in the headstone, which begs the question "If they were too poor for the engraving, how did they afford a headstone that large?" Maybe they bought it at a generic headstone outlet. It remains a mystery. At any rate, I think it would have been more poignant if had merely said "Dead Guy".
Posted by: Nick on November 10, 2003 06:49 PMHey, that's my father's grave! Hi Dad!
Posted by: Barry D. Coffin on November 10, 2003 07:20 PMSomeone's last name is "Coffin." Duh.
Posted by: The Valrus on November 11, 2003 12:02 AMGeneral Martok from Deep Space Nine says, "A poop and a piss are a pain in the ass." What do you think of that you numb nut nodes?
Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on November 11, 2003 01:24 AMI'd have to say you people are quite boring when not picking on someone.
The hiatus continues by the way, and is making wonderful progress.
How come nobody focused on the fact that Naomi mentions savage bites in a 'moist private region'. Surely this is worthy of discussion, not to mention the fact that her family defeestrates kittens.
Posted by: Defenestrate This! on November 11, 2003 10:25 AMn - to be inserted in defeestrates
Posted by: on November 11, 2003 10:26 AM¡ - to be inserted where appropriate
Posted by: Jickly Joe on November 11, 2003 11:20 AM?
Posted by: Dr. Claw on November 11, 2003 02:29 PMI agree with Claw.
Posted by: Nick on November 11, 2003 03:10 PMYeah.
Posted by: Thuros M. on November 11, 2003 03:30 PMknife- to be inserted in your throat.
Posted by: kjones on November 11, 2003 03:43 PMHey cojones!
Posted by: El Capitano Corelli on November 11, 2003 05:47 PMSnow is FUNZIES.
Posted by: Eat This Batman on November 11, 2003 11:06 PMLet me know when the "floaty dandruff" option becomes avaialable.
Posted by: Wilbur McShinyparts on November 12, 2003 09:00 AMWhen will PVT snow on Venture's parade?
New version out today (click below)... Panther compatible! Yippee!
enough with the damn snowflakes already.
Wesley Clark for Prez! WooHoo.
Posted by: Nick on November 12, 2003 01:43 PMDown with them damn snowflakes!
Posted by: garlick on November 12, 2003 01:49 PMIsn't it illegal to defenestrate kittens? I think they have to be 18 years old first or something. ;)
Posted by: Josh on November 12, 2003 06:47 PMReminds me of a visit I made to Cairo some years ago. A few of the chaps and I had a drink or several and visited a local brothel. Sad to say, one of the chaps was the first cousin of King George V (God rest him!), so when the local police came barging through the front door, we had to defenestrate ourselves from the third floor!
It all ended well, though. Some very kind New Zealand lads allowed us to hide in their blow-up sheep until the danger had passed. Trouble was, King G's cousin took such a shine to his sheep that we had to prise it off his ...
Well, might best save that story for another time. Belvedere! A pewter of Old Ma Crustybits Finest Albanian Ale, s'il vous plait! And do tell Grandma to put away the body paints. Honestly! I can never scrub the stuff out of her ... Just tell her, will you!
Posted by: aussie boy on November 12, 2003 07:24 PMThat's what I call quality software. It should make filming "It's a Wonderful Life 2" much easier for me.
This site is deliciously irreverent. I love it. I can't believe I just said deliciously irreverent. I think I'll leave it as a testament to how insane I get when sleep-deprived.
Mwa ha ha I have invaded your little private sanctum/site and you have no idea who I am! If only you knew of The Powah...
Posted by: T. Morrisey on November 30, 2003 11:35 PMUsual working day:
Wake up,
Nokia, Colgate, Nescafe, Hochland, Orbit.
Ford, Dell, Hewlett packard, Nokia, Nokia, Nokia.
McDonalds, Coca-Cola, Orbit.
Dell, Hewlett packard, Nokia, Nokia, Nokia. Ford.
Amstel.
Amstel.
Amstel-Amstel-Amstel-Amstel.
Nokia... Nokia.
Durex. (Home, Coitus)
Colgate.