Moof!

Does it do Homer Simpson's take on religion? Jebus,that would be great.

What about my chicken fucking religion?

Although my chortles may not be as dulcet as those of our fair reviewer, I was nonetheless fully challenged in the chortle-supression department, and did indeed chortle audibly while reading this review.

And furthermore, I gotta say, that any softwre that's gonna piss someone off is OK by me.

God Dammit! I go to Cancun for a week, and come back to one hell of a shitstorm here at PvT!

From a polar bear-ravaged seal to the best FCF yet (including a chicken in the background that looks like s/he is wearing Converse® hi-tops!) to Laemkral's final descent to the dark side of The Force, I haven't laughed this hard since Bob Hope died!

On the topic at hand, i.e. Faith Converter 1.2 (maybe FaRTER 1.2 would be a better name?), who the fuck would want to convert any religious text to Atheism, much less Scientology to Linux (does the "L" in L. Ron Hubbard stand for "Linus"?)?

Damn...going through tequila withdrawal...

This must be at least my fifth PerversionTracker review. And you declined to point out that I forgot to update the number of religions from ten to fifteen in the description. How gentlemanly.

Ladylike, actually. The gentlemen would have eviscerated you on that one. Fancy chickens always make me mellow.

But while we have you on the line, why did you omit "Apple acolyte" as a religion? Surely this is an mistake that will be corrected in the next version.

Yes, of course. Ladylike. Silly me. It's just that, well, I have a vision of the perversionTracker staff all wearing tweed and sitting by the fireside in an oak panelled room, discussing which tresspasses earn evisceration, and which are too trivial for it to be sporting.

I think the iPong 1.0 review was the funniest ever on PvT. You should compile a year's best list to save having to come up with fresh content over christmas.

Yes, MacEvangelism will be in the next version. I'll get around to it when I finish the next version of my uDev entry, Detox. How come you haven't gotten around to reviewing that? Too busy sewing more leather elbow patches onto your tweed?

Don't try to stop us me and my minions you weak humans. We will take over this world. This is just our first step, bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Monkeys Terrorize India Workers, Tourists

Nov 2, 12:51 PM (ET)

By ANDREW WANG

NEW DELHI (AP) - In a capital city where cows roam the streets and elephants plod along in the bus lanes, it's no surprise to find government buildings overrun with monkeys.

But the officials who work there are fed up. They've been bitten, robbed and otherwise tormented by monkeys that ransack files, bring down power lines, screech at visitors and bang on office windows.

The Supreme Court has stepped in, decreeing that New Delhi should be a monkey-free city after citizens filed a lawsuit demanding protection from the animals.

Easier said than done. A past initiative to scare off the army of Rhesus macaques with ultrahigh frequency loudspeakers didn't work. A plan to deport them to distant regions has stalled because local governments refused to have them.

There's an ape patrol of fierce-looking primates called langurs, led about on leashes by keepers. But whenever a langur looms, the pink-faced, two-foot-tall hooligans simply move elsewhere on government grounds.

"Please do not feed the monkeys," implores a sign at Raisina Hill, the complex of colonnaded buildings that includes the president's residence, Parliament, and Cabinet offices.

To no avail. Hindus believe that monkeys are manifestations of the monkey god, Hanuman, and worshippers come to Raisina Hill every Tuesday handing out bananas.

Last year the monkeys made their presence felt by hanging from window ledges and screeching at reporters arriving for a news conference with visiting U.S. Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld.

"It's a big problem, especially in the evening," says Defense Ministry spokesman Amitabha Chakrabarti. Monkeys break into offices at night and paw through the files looking for food, he said. "Those who work late hours have to be careful when it is dark."

The city estimates at least 1,500 of New Delhi's more than 5,000 macaques live on Raisina Hill.

In the latest effort, a monkey relocation initiative, 400 monkeys have been caught at Raisina Hill in the past year and moved to a holding area on the outskirts of New Delhi to await their return to forests in neighboring states, said Madan Thapliyal, a municipality spokesman.

But governments of those states have so far refused to take the furry exiles, saying they have more than enough of their own.

Maneka Gandhi, daughter-in-law of the late Indian leader Indira Gandhi and member of the governing party in the lower house of India's Parliament, believes the monkeys should be left in peace.

Gandhi, an animal rights advocate, has already managed to halt a New Delhi program to spay and neuter stray dogs, saying it was cruel.

She claims that captured macaques, despite their holiness to Hindus, have been given to laboratories for experimentation or have died in their holding area cages. They were "relocated to monkey heaven," she said.

The government says more than 200 monkeys have been relocated to Gandhi's parliamentary district about 125 miles east of New Delhi. Gandhi denies it. "It's all rubbish," she said. "Not one monkey has been relocated to my constituency."

Atul K. Gupta, of the Wildlife Institute of India, says macaques belong in forests, but deforestation and human settlement are driving them into cities in search of food.

Macaques are crafty pickpockets, know how to open refrigerators, and brazenly snatch lunch pails from government workers, he said. "They have learned the tricks of finding food in an urban environment."

The answer, he said, is to save the forests. Otherwise, he says, "the problem will get worse."

Could we have less of the monkey news and a bit more about elephants? thx.

Screw the monkeys and the elephants! Bring on more fancy bustards and cranes!

I am just distressed by the shocking, shocking revelation contained in the above article that Don Rumsfeld is really our Secretary of State.

yeah, welcome to Dick Cheney's America!
The only solution to stop the monkeys before it's too late is to get Grandpa Simpson over there. After all, did he not say "I can't wait to eat that monkey"?

Professor Farnsworth is also an advocate of monkey eating.

What was that really long post about? can someone summarize it for me? I don't like reading things that are boring and longwinded. Which is why I don't read The Wall Street Journal, Henry James, Joseph Conrad or For Better or For Worse.

Hey folks! Sorry for the long silence (what, you appreciated it? Then I apologize for breaking it. Maybe not, maybe I should just apologize for anyone who cares; they should get a life!)

Reason: I've been playing with my new Panther kitty. Nice kitty! So far he hasn't removed any vital organs, but I am now missing a few no-so-vital ones. You know, the usual stuff .... face, a few digits from my left hand, a few more from a foot or two ...

In all the wrestling I've been doing with this new kitty, I stumbed upon something I just know this group will enjoy. If not, the I apologize for wasting my bosses time.

Lastly, allow me to apologize for all the apologies. It just seems like the right thing to do.

The reason I'm posting, check out this article!

(By the way ... I'M NOT SORRY!!!!;-)

Dang, the link didn't show up! Note to self, don't put web links between angle brackets here! Did I just discover a bug?

http://www.archaeoworld.com/journals/humanNature/articleDetail.cfm?articleNumber=235

Hey guys,
Have you been to Appleby's™ lately?
You owe it to yourself to check out Appleby's™ new line of delcious home-cooked meals, served with Appleby's trademark flair.

MMM... Appleby's!

Well, thanks a lot Walking. This whole time I've been walking around feeling good about myself, thinking maybe I can score with one of these fancy chickens. Then BAM! I get a face full of your article and now I have to weep myself to sleep. Turns out chickens are just like human women. You have to be all "attractive" and not smell "bad". How is that fair I ask you? HOW?! Now fuddes is going to get all the chickens and, once again, I am left with the dregs. If I can't date outside my own species maybe I should just give it up all together. So, again, I thank you Walking.

Normal,

It's obvious YOU"VE never been to APPLEBEE'S, or you would have known how to spell it correctly.

BTW, I hate Applebee's (and Appleby's).

likewise

um ....

You're welcome Nick?

Hey, who said life was fair? Besides, maybe the dregs of chickens aren't as bad as the dregs of women. Tell me, how many chickens do you know that are trailer trash? OK, fine. Now tell me how many people RECOGNIZE them as such? Myself, I don't think I've ever heard anyone say "man, your chicken is a real piece of trailer trash!".

Whenever you think that you have more troubles than anyone else, take a look at this one:

http://www.nmr.nl/deins815.htm

See? There are other species with real problems too! Where am I getting this crap? Well, here!

http://www.improbable.com/ig/ig-pastwinners.html#ig2003

Hmm! I feel sort of ... Hindu all of sudden. What is this shi'ite?