They'll be exhibiting this stuff at NYMOMA in 20 years, with a feverish introduction on brain developement and People magazine follow-ups on the kids. I suspect that this review will be on the wall of the entryway to the exhibit, as an example of how the great unwashed received the innocent brilliance of the children. Naomi might even get a free trip to NY out of it.

Is it just me, or does Baby Banger sound vaguely obscene? I wonder if the archbishop knows about this...

*vaguely* obscene? It's the freaking most perverted name for an app I've ever seen! mr. apple programmer dude, change the damn name, please!

I suppose if I make a comment about banging babies, the PvT staff will come in and edit my comments. Oh well,,,,

BTW, I really love my kitty cat.

Hmmmmmm, the review failed to mention the video card requirements, whether the app even supports OpenGL or takes advantage of Quartz Extreme.

What about Rendezvous for death-match play?!!

Save yourself a long-distance call to Cupertino (I already phoned): AppleCare warranty does not cover any keyboards whacked, banged or drooled-upon-beyond-all-recognition by baby in most countries.

What about a multiplayer mode? Network play?

Uh. I guess that would be, uh, covered by the Rendezvous thing in DW's post. Er.

Note to self: Do not post on PvT fifteen minutes after waking up.

I think your concern about this creating an army of violent baby geeks is unfounded. Instead, what this program would enforce is that, no matter what your action, you can only expect random results. Children using this software will have stunted intellectual development. Baby Banger is the software equivalent of taking a hammer to a child's head.

This software is actually useful.

I am one of the hoards of programmers who secretly love to drop by this site and mock their competitors. But in this case, I cannot bring the smack down honestly on the competitor, because almost every programmer I've met, who have kids, have written something like this for them.

MAD PROPZ for him figuring out he needs to trap as many keys as possible to signal a quit, otherwise the kid quits the app and ends up trashing your system.

For the non-parents out there, this seems 'Apparently Useless', but it ain't.

Having immediately noticed that "Baby Banger" rhymes with "coathanger", I am off to bomb the immoral headquarters of the filth who perpetrated this blot upon humanity.

God is with me (or he was last time I checked behind Momma's old dressmaker's dummy in the attic), and will surely guide my fingers as I hook the red wire to the detonator and the green wire to the timer. Or is that green wire to the deton

As one of the readers with children, I can assure you, I am NOT one of those who will let my baby bang on the keyboard.
Last time that happened the harddrive was renamed, several folders with the names of "l" ";" and "hhhhhhhh" ended up on the desktop.
And I think he signed me up of AOL *shudder*.
I would not encourage this with an app just for this purpose!!!
Ack!

It's been tranquil for a while. I don't like that. Maybe the PvT audience will not let me down and will retort inevitably vehemently to this indiscriminate comment.

A-ha! Finally a review of software that I do indeed actually use. I'm the proud dad of a 9 month old girl. I've already got her started using a Mac thanks to Baby Banger. She loves it thank you very much. She can't quit out of the program because her tiny hands are unable to hit all of those keys at once (and she's unable to read the title bar). The only downside is that now whenever she's near my computer she wants to pound on the keyboard...even when I'm working. I need to get her an iMac already.

Dear Mr. Previously Insane,

I would respond to you vehemently in a manner that your indiscriminate comment deserves, but the PvT staff keep editing my [excuse this interruption, we need to tell you about an exciting new offer we have at the Perversion Tracker web site. For only $9.99 a month, you to can be Norm O. Tidwell free. Thank you. That is all.]

Geez, I'd pay twice that to be NOT-free. Where do I sign up?
How big is the No-Norm area, and how much is No-norm-roaming? For a few dollars more, can we put Norm in an institution of some sort, say, maybe on the beach in Cuba?

As we trundled like the undead across the frozen steppes of Russia, our extremities so far beyond numb that we were unable even to unscrew the cap to the single lone malt whiskey container we shared, my faithful manservant Tito uttered through his chattering teeth, "Boss, I do believe I see light yonder." And it was true. Stiffly, I dismounted from Tito's back and lurched toward the beckoning beacon. Arriving, we were shocked to find a cabin this far north, windows brimming with warmth. "Boss," said Tito, "Is it...a mirage?" Yet I did not have the strength to smack him with a suitable verbal rebuff. We knocked, and were soon led inside by the four beautiful sisters who made their simple lives there upon the steppes. A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, and a midget. We thought we had interrupted their bath, but were later to learn that it was the normal state of affairs. Three of them assisted me in removing my moleskin coat, my fur hat, my four sweaters, and my boots, while the redhead took Tito's Member's Only jacket. Eventually, we were warm and rested, and the sisters began to look at us with secret smiles and lowered eyelids. "Tito!" I whispered, "These ladies are barely nubile! What shall we do?" And Tito, ever wise to the ways of the innermost soul, replied, "Baby, bang 'er. Just bang 'er."���

And that is how I can most assuredly state that "Baby Banger" is quite without a doubt and beyond question...obscene. Delightfully so.

I once taught a class for complete computer newbies. the greatest fear they have is that they're going to break he computer. My first lesson was to have then whack on the keyboard a few times. When they realized that didn't break anything, they were able to go on. Whenever they became timid, I would have them do the 'whack the keyboard' exercise' again. Worked like a charm.

Still, the name needs work. Maybe it's my Southern California spin, but around here a baby banger is a 9-year-old with an AK-47. Or at least up in LA that's what they say it is, in reality television and other irrefutable sources.

Oh, come on, don't you guys remember Baby Smash? This appears to be just an OS X version of same. My kids are a bit old for this now, but when they were little they loved Baby Smash. It provided a way to let them sit at the computer and press keys and get interesting (to an infant) feedback without being able to, say, drag your Documents folder to the Trash.

A useful and perfectly harmless little program. I expect anyone who's trashing this program doesn't have kids.

Oooh, burn! Es verdad that we have not yet spawned any small Van Tols, but we've handled a few tons of babyweight in our time. There is little in the diapering arena that we do not comprehend, and if you challenged us to a nursery rhyme contest, you would surely regret it.

What it comes down to is this: when WE were babies, we weren't allowed to bang on a computer keyboard. So we don't think any other babies should get to do it. Of course, computers didn't exist when we were babies, but that's neither here nor there. It's the principle of the thing!

Ahem. That's right.

Dear naomi,

UserGuy is right in his assessment. This program is definitely useful to parents. I also am fascinated by the symbols that appear. I have been trying to decode the secret message contained within them for the past couple of days.

So why don't you just admit it and come out and say that the only reason you wanted to review the program and give it a 11.0 is because you just wanted to make fun of the program. It is what you do. It is what you want. It is your destiny.

I think you should redo the review, but have a five year old do the review and write down verbatim what the kid says about the program.

Sorry, I meant 10.8 and not 11.0 in my last comment. To much shit to lick around here.

This Is An Unregistered Copy Of Comment Space Waster Pro™

Comment Space Waster Pro™ is shareware. For only $43.76 you get:
- More waste of space in Perversiontracker comments
- Higher Perversiontracker ratings
- Built-in Comment-filter™ to hide posts from N. O. T, P. I., Dr. S. and A. B.
- More attractive About-dialog
- Get rid of this annoying shareware message
- Free PT Bruiser™
- Buy Comment Space Waster Pro™ today and you get $10 off First Post Pro™, the best firstposter available on the net!