July 25, 2003

Final Excuse Pro 1.0

http://perversiontracker.com/archives/feplogo-thumb.png

Apologies for my lamentable inability to complete a simple task within an agreed time-frame, but the infamous League of Simians couldn’t take five minutes off uprooting olive groves. The chimps with attitude are at the bottom of the comedo-tragic underachievement to which you so dismissively refer, the culmination of literally minutes of concentrated effort. You can’t blame me for the underperformance you whine incessantly about — that Monkey HQ is the secret puppetmaster orchestrating insanity!

That PerversionTracker review is malevolently manipulating my innovative redefinition of “work.” You can’t blame me for whatever I have done, failed to do, or ought to have done differently — our PerversionTracker review is responsible for the level of attention to detail that has left us knee deep in our own excrement. The Imperialist aggressors led me to believe that I could rely on your neurological deficit to fail to recognize that thing, you know, with the stuff.

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Download Final Excuse Pro

Posted by naomi at July 25, 2003 06:12 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Pirst Fost !!!!!

Posted by: Mr. Bungle on July 25, 2003 06:37 PM

I have to say that was a little dissapointing and much like bad Pizza, even bad pizza is kinda good.

Please Kill me

Posted by: Mr. Bungle on July 25, 2003 06:39 PM

I am not so sure this program deserves a 11.0 for It has potential (at least more potential then Mr. Previously Insane), But then again, maybe they do deserve an 11.0 because of the spelling mistakes in the generated text.

Final Excuse Pro generated come backs:

That Norm O.Tidwell is mischevously accusing me of poopy mouth!

That Norm O.Tidwell is the secret puppetmaster orchestrating poopy mouth!

Behold my prepared statement regarding poopy mouth... our Norm O. Tidwell fittingly assumed the oft-disputed presidency of Venuzela, exerting executive authority over our doomed shithouse!

Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on July 25, 2003 06:44 PM

Interesting. "Venuzela" sounds like the evil she-Venutian from a bad 1950s sci-fi movie.

Posted by: Dr. Science on July 25, 2003 06:57 PM

Behold my prepared statement regarding the humiliation of "Final Excuse Pro" at the hand of my own tongue...

That "Bongo the Monkey", and his menacing arsenal of coconuts is responsible for both Xena & Venuzela!

Astroboy, (born on April 7, 2003).

Posted by: Brazilian Astroboy Costume on July 25, 2003 08:56 PM

On the face of it, it would seem that Naomi is correct. There are windows that you fill in that make no sense, an algorithm that isn't, and a result that is completely bogus.

I suppose that I could counter her argument by pointing out that, being so deplorably useless, it lends itself wonderfully to PvT review. This becomes sort of an Escher thing, since any perfect 11 is inherently useful, at least to a van Tol.

Posted by: Leibnitz, N. on July 25, 2003 09:36 PM

I like to eat poopies.

Posted by: fuddes on July 25, 2003 10:16 PM

Hello all,

In the pursuit of Science, I decided to conduct an investigation and interview a neutral subject about PvT. I had him review the site and then offer his opinions. Here are some of his more interesting comments:

* "It seems that you all feed on each other."
* "It's quite a synergistic manure pile."
* "It seems that PvT has become a small commenting community (in which everyone is) somehow in on the hijinks."
* "The weirdness ante keeps being upped."
* "The comments are incomprehensible."
* "I also like to eat poopies."
* "It's all so bizzare (sic)."

So there you have it, folks -- the view of PvT from outside the maelstrom, a perspective I'm sure we all dearly wish we could recapture. For most of us, I imagine that these results will merely confirm what we all suspected: we are, in fact, weird.

Okay, I made up that next to last quote. But the rest are really really real, really. I swear! Would I lie to you?

Posted by: Dr. Science on July 25, 2003 11:07 PM

I utterly refute the suggestion that I am now, or ever have been, weird. When I was a boy, it was perfectly natural to play backgammon with your naked grandmother. And what is a manservant for, if not to pour cocktails and polish human skulls? And if smoking parsley and wearing an Ecuadorean glockenspiel as a hat is a crime, then I am surely guilty as charged. But weird?

Reality check, please, Dr Science! Where are you from, you freak?

Belvedere, harness the iguanas! We're late for the soup-spoon festival again!

Posted by: aussie boy on July 25, 2003 11:21 PM

Dear Aussie Boy:

The place I am from is far, far away from any US Government nuclear facilities, and I am most certainly *not* involved in funneling uranium to Piglet Bob for subsequent nefarious no-goodness.

I hope this satisfactorily answers your question.

Dr. Science

Posted by: Dr. Science on July 25, 2003 11:36 PM

Oh boss, I ain't gona harness anything. You always tell me what to do and I never get a say in anything. I am tired of you being the boss and me being the man servant thing. I liked you better when you were weird.

I have emotional needs too you know. You never give a thought to my needs. It is always about you! You have to be the star of the show by always making the cute comments just to get everybody to like you and I am stuck with all of your dirty work. "Belvedere, harness the iguanas! Belvedere! Please re-truss Grandma and put her back in the coolroom with the pork bellies." Why don't you just come out and say it, "Belvedere, wipe my ass!" Will that be one ply or two master? Would it kill you to just say thank you every once and a while? That is all I ask for boss. A little measly respect. I am not an animal, I am a human being!

Is my elephant man face really that noticeable...

Posted by: Belvedere on July 25, 2003 11:43 PM

Somehow I stumbled upon this place while I was out fetchin' water for Daddy. I might have expected to find Erin messin' around with that Ashley Longworth in the woods, but I never expected to find such a vile, non-Christian assortment of poopy mouthed dummy heads! How did y'all get into Walton country, anyway?

Posted by: John Boy on July 26, 2003 11:07 AM

P-U! I downloaded this piece of %^&T# yesterday. (I expected it would be garbage, but I did it anyway!) I think I deleted it even faster than I did iBush.

Posted by: Left Field on July 26, 2003 01:30 PM

Dear Left Field,

Your transmission was garbled. Could not decode "%^&T#" message fragment. Could you please transmit your message again without encryption.

BTW, Final Excuse Pro is the most god damn fucking wussy piece of shitware to be smeared across my desktop.

Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on July 26, 2003 02:21 PM

Tracker of abuse (ultra big huge),

In order to assess the software directly without being late thank you.

The method you, oh!

^_o

Posted by: Anonymous Japanese on July 26, 2003 06:03 PM

Is it just me, or does Baby Banger sound vaguely obscene?

Posted by: Father O'Malley on July 27, 2003 01:04 AM

To the brainless piece of knobcheese who insists on playing Belvedere: if you are going to be a gormless rip-off merchant, with the morals of a hungry raccoon and the intelligence of the combined Bush cabinet, please at least use Australian or British spellings. It's very hard to perpetrate the blatant theft of intellectual property without having the intellect to spell things as per the original.

Three weeks in the scorpion tank for you! (Or one day listening to the "With and Wisdom of George W." audiocassette series. Your choice.)

Posted by: aussie boy on July 27, 2003 07:50 PM

Damn! That was supposed to be "Wit and Wisdom of George W.". Wind gone from sails ... becalmed in the Sea of Stupidity ... abandon all hope ...

PS: You're still a brainless piece of knobcheese.

Posted by: aussie boy on July 27, 2003 07:52 PM

Dear aussie boy,

Who ever wrote the poor imitation of Belvedere's response does have a point, you sometimes treat Belvedere shabbily. The question that remains to be answered is how are you going to treat Belvedere in the future?

Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on July 27, 2003 08:16 PM

Dear Norm

Do I stick my nose into your shabby relationship with that damned cat of yours? No!

But since you ask, I intend to treat Belvedere in the manner to which he is accustomed: cruelly. He likes it that way. He was bred to suffer and serve. Such is the way in our marvellous British Empire (now sadly reduced, but the Queen is still a very lovely lady).

You damnable Yankees could never understand, so please don't bother to try.

Yours faithfully
aussie boy, esq.

Posted by: aussie boy on July 27, 2003 08:30 PM

Dear aussie boy,

My kitty cat has developed a raging case of explosive diarrhea. She is purring quite loudly now. See, kitty cat loves you!

*Sings Barney theme song*

Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on July 27, 2003 09:01 PM

MMMmmm, knobcheese......

Posted by: on July 28, 2003 11:56 AM

Dear PvT staff,

[snipped rambling about cats, dogs, and butts.]

Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on July 28, 2003 01:01 PM

Dear PvT staff,

What!? WHAT?...what did I say this time? You guys are picking on me. I am going to tell my mommy. You don't edit aussie boy when infers he wants to have sex with his grandma at a nude backgammon tournament! Geez...

Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on July 28, 2003 01:25 PM

Norm, I think you mean "implies" I want to have sex with my Grandma. And frankly, we both resent that. Nudity is the natural state of the backgammon player, and it has nothing to do with sex. Indeed, we are Anglicans, so sex is strictly horizontal, usually very chastely carried out through the fly of one's pyjama trousers, and certainly never perpetrated on one's grandmother.

I'm hardly surprised you were edited, given the parlous state of your mind. Wash your synapses out with soap, young man!

Posted by: aussie boy on July 29, 2003 01:18 AM

Dear aussie boy,

That's right, you don't make muffins for your grandma, you make Belvedere do it. My mistake, what was I thinking!?

Posted by: Norm O. Tidwell on July 29, 2003 02:02 AM

Funny how
Tis true Tis true
the mind devolves
amidst gelatinous goo

Perversions aplenty
and myself not exempt
Yet what Joy! What Rapture!
My goatee is unkempt.

Posted by: Fardels Bear on July 29, 2003 02:30 AM

My girlfriend snores, she is asleep,
Although I seek to rouse her;
For 'tis my wish that she should grasp
The woody in my trouser!

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