First dong.

So, what's the deal with these "massively endowed humanoid robots?"
Ah, I get it! ROBOT PORN!!!!

Ladd is getting a Ph.D? Do I have to call him Dr. van Tol now?

mgldan,

Yes.

Toll. Vielleicht wenn ich eine andere Sprache benutze, wird Ladd mich nicht verstehen. Dann kann ich ihn kein "Doktor" nennen.

Obwohl Ian hat mir gesagt, dass er ein bisschen Deutsch schreiben und verstehen kann.

Die Welt kommt zum Ende!

* mgldan tötet sich

I just saw the Jerry Springer show. You won't believe what I saw! His theme was, "I slept with my siamese twin." What is this world coming to!?

Do you think the end of the world is coming?

the preacher man says it's the end of time... he says that america's rivers are going dry.

Here's a story further demonstrating that yes, the end of the world "as we know it" is coming. Beware the GMC!

Monkeys Invade Tea Estate in Eastern India

Jul 23, 10:14 AM (ET)

CALCUTTA, India (Reuters) - Hundreds of hungry monkeys have invaded a sprawling tea garden in eastern India, chasing petrified workers and damaging machinery, the estate manger said on Tuesday.

More than 200 monkeys from a nearby forest have made the estate in the tea-rich Jalpaiguri district in West Bengal state their new home, forcing 1,700 workforce to lock doors and move in groups while plucking tea leaves.

"It's really worrying. Workers are terrified as monkeys are even going into the creche of the estate and snatching food from their children," Shantilal S. Pandya, the garden's general manager, told Reuters by phone.

The monkeys have injured one person and hit output at the garden, which produces around 1.1 million kg of tea a year.

Pandya said the garden's management was hesitant to use force to evict the monkeys as many workers revere the Hindu monkey-god, Hanuman.

"We cannot hurt the monkeys because of the sentiments of the labor force. We have asked forest officials and local environmentalists to help solve this monkey crisis."

The Hindus have a monkey god??? How excellent is that! The Catholics don't even have so much as a patron saint of monkeys! I think we can safely predict which religion will come out ahead when the dust settles -- convert now and avoid the post-GMC rush!

Dear Mr. Ladd,

You are asking Norm if the end of the world is coming? What, were you some Previously Insane person or something? Do you have a death wish (and NO I don't mean a death wish for old Norm)?

Of course the world is coming to an end. It is coming to a rear end, if you know what I mean. Butt then again, I suppose you really don't know what I mean. You wouldn't be the first and you certainly won't be the last.

As Joseph Stalin once said, "I feel a purge coming on."

I have a big weiner.

Dear Mr. longdongsilver,

Your timing is unbelievable! You never miss a beat! I have stopped using those inaccurate atomic clocks to set the time in my computer. Your big wiener comments are by far the most dependable source of timing and they convey far more information than I could ever imagine. Did Dr. Science teach how to keep the beat with your big wiener?

Oh by the way, "weiner" is spelled "wiener". You should switch hands while holding your wiener so you don't grow tired and make mistakes like this! Otherwise you end up spilling your condiments all over your keyboard.

Ah well. I knew that our epigrammatic reprieve had to end soon but I wasn’t expecting Norm to be back so soon. Now every other post is perforated with uninspired penis jokes and the ranting of a want-to-be troubled psyche. If I wasn’t so pissed off I would be depressed.

Dear Mr. Previously Insane,

I love you too.

I'm trying to be a "want-to-be troubled psyche," but I don't think I get it. Could you teach me the lesson again, but could you spank me a little harder this time. I really like it when you spank me, it hurts so good.

BTW, you left the leather straps, nipple clamps, and electric probes at my place from the last lesson. Do you want me to bring them when I come over for the next lesson?

OK! That's it for the lot of you. From now on, there will only be INSPIRED penis jokes posted here. Right! Come on now, or shall I release the hounds?

Dear Norm,
Don’t bother to bring the stuff over to my place, not that you know where that is, I will again be coming to your little hideaway for lesson number 2. Let us see how much you can remember this time.

Dear Mickey Knox,
A man was out of town on business. While sitting around his hotel he became bored. So he thought to himself, "Hmm, a beer would be really nice right now." So he began to wander the streets of the unfamiliar city, looking for a bar. And, after a few minutes he came across one. He casually went inside and took a seat at the bar.
The bartender walks up and asks the man what he is drinking. Anxiously, the man says, "Bud Light please."
The bartender then asked what the name of his penis was. The man looked at him with confusion and said, "What are you talking about? All I want is a Bud Light and, besides, I have no name for my penis."
The bartender, calming the man, said, "Look around, all you see is men. That is because this is a gay bar. And the tradition is, when you order a drink, you state the name of your penis. Then I'll serve you a drink."
The man, really thirsty for a beer, now says, "Fine. Give me couple of minutes to think, and I'll order when I come up with something."
So he is thinking about it for a couple of minutes and still can't come up with anything. So he decides to ask the guy next to him for an idea. The man states, in a feminine voice, "Well I call mine Timex, because it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin."
The man quickly turns away and asks another man to his right. That man states in a deep, gruff voice, "I call my Ford, because it is built ram tough. Have you driven a Ford lately?"
Again, the man quickly turns away. Then, suddenly he says, "Bartender, come here, I am ready to order."
The bartender says, "What'll ya have?"
The man says, "A Bud Light please."
The bartender asks, "What is the name of your penis?"
The man responds, "Secret... strong enough for a man but made for a woman."

Dear Mr. Mickey Knox,

This may be hard situation to understand, but let me get this straight. You want penis jokes that stand out from the rest, something you really can get a hold of?

Yes Norm. I know it’s HARD for you to really GET INTO the ideas that we are talking about. But once you really COME INTO YOUR OWN. You will realize that MAKING FUN of people ISN”T funny and that PUTTING people down for your OWN personal pleasure is A very poor IDEA of a joke.

(Sorry about the CAPS LOCK. I got carries away.)

dear mr. previously insane,

i think i see your point MR. PREVIOUSLY INSANE. this HAS been a difficult lesson for me to learn. all these GENITAL jokes have many hidden meanings and are hard to follow. i see now that i am like a bag of WARTS. woe is me.

(i am also sorry about the caps lock. mr. insane is my idol.)

Shouldn't that have been "GENITAL warts" and "bag of JOKES?"

Dear Mr. Xenophagist Q. Knobgoblin,

Your suggested changes do not quite make sense. You see, my response to Mr. Insane was specifically crafted for him. If I made the changes you suggested, then the subliminal message within the message would not make sense. To see the subliminal message you must use your captain poopy decoder ring. Lets see now...ah, that's got it..."MR. PREVIOUSLY INSANE HAS GENITAL WARTS."

If I substituted JOKES for WARTS as you suggested, then the subliminal message becomes, "MR. PREVIOUSLY INSANE HAS GENITAL JOKES." Now this does have a humorous element in it, but it changes the intent and form of the original message which is supposed to have the exact opposite meaning of the subliminal message. So you see, the combination of the contrite message acknowledging Mr. Insane's point with the totally irreverent subliminal message adds an extra element of zing to the response since it mocks Mr. Insane's use of caps.

I guess the point here is that if I am giving you a contrite response, then that K-Mart blue light special alarm had better go off in your head because you are probably being handed a load of sharpened turds.

Have a very nice day!

Didn't Idi Amin have some sort of Ph.D?

It appears that Norm didn't learn much while gone.

Oh, well...

Once again, I can see a creeping tendency towards taking this place far too seriously. Mr Tidwell is merely carrying on a grand tradition of taking the piss -- a tradition for which this site is justly famous. If you can't take the heat, gather no moss!

Sehr ehrte Herr mgldan,

Bitte, töte Dich aber noch nicht! Du bist ja ein ganz lustiger Kerl u. wir würden nach dich gleich verlangen! Ja... es stimmt daß der Ladd wahrscheinlich kein richtiger Doktor ist, aber kannst ihm doch nur kurzmal fördern, das wir ihm verarschen können, oder?!

Alle Andere Leute:
Merke mal, "ALLE DEINE FUNKSTATION SIND GEHÖREN ZU UNS!" (AYBABTU!) Mühhahahaha!

Previously Insane: Dude, very nice penis/joke! BTW, if you were previously insane, then what were you *before* you were insane?

Mickey Knox: Release the hounds! Go ahead, make my day.

CAPS-LOCK: Just say no to all-caps!

???(Ladd) ??????????? ??????
???????????!

???(Ladd) ??????????? ??????
???????????!
????
Here, is the Japanese writing why prohibited?
Above Babelfish of the translation:
The killer robot is designed in regard to Attendant (Ladd), there is a humor in Attendant!
Anonymous person.