Dear Curious:

A 2N3055 transistor is always a welcome gift. However, my junk box is presently full. Previously Insane may be able to use it for the control circuit of his Tesla coil.

Thank you again for asking.

Dr. Science

Hey! There are a lot of vacationing middle-american dweebs out there that'll love this thing! Think of your average .Mac user.

Love,

Bill

You know, I have to agree. "Family Circus" is an utterly worthless comic strip. How the hell could it have possibly lasted so long? It reminds me for all the world of C6H4(SO2.CO).NH. I can't believe none of the other posters picked up on this.

Is that Julia Roberts in that picture and is she sporting a forest of arm pit hair? I didn't know she was french.

She's N.O.T.

Does the example picture on the website of cat n' cleavage come with the app?

Tee hee....theres a penguin on the stamp and he looks FUNNY! THAT is funny! Woah....the world is a lot grayer when you are suffering from oxygen deprivation....
Note to self...breathe in as well as out when playing instrument....

This app is pointless. Just write an email. Attach a photo. 'Nuff said.

I'm a gonna go work on my Warhammer figs, get some of them thar nice glue fumes.

I have to agree....that is a nice picture. What? I like cats....and cleavage. Just not in a fetish type way.

Wonder who that lady is...if its the programmer, reduce the score to an 8.5.

Seeing how the programmer's name is Steve, I'd be pretty horrified to find out that it's his cleavage in the picture, and would raise the score.

You all are mistaken, the cat is the programmer!

So, does Ms. Roberts get a cut of this or what.

Oh, and I assume the cat is named Lucky;--either that or "Mr. Cleavage."

"Swell," indeed!

Upon inspection of the application bundle I surmise that the cat's name (or perhaps the name of the owner of the sweater cleavage?) is actually "Max," probably named after one of the hard drives on the developer's system:

<key>PBXProjectSourcePath</key>
<string>/Volumes/Max/Users/steve/Developer/Apps/PostCard/PostCard.pbproj</string>

I must admit the Safari-themed stamps by Orhan Okay and the Tux stamp by Bandar Hassan Raffa are very nice, otherwise I agree with the PVT review and score.

Now if the application were to include photos of the "D&G girl," things would be altogether different!

P.S. Dot-mac postcards are still free to non-dot-mac subscribers, no?

fuddes, you clearly haven't noticed how women are more and more in possession of names typically associated with men. Is it not possible that the programmer is a female named Steve, possibly due to some parents with an odd method of choosing names....such as hippies....

But that is just speculation on my part. I am not actually in possession of psychic powers which would allow me to predict the future or to see to see into the minds of others. At least not yet....

Why does the icon have an Apple logo on it?

To partly address the confusion of Mr. Tidwell -- armpit hair is a common attribute of most humans, not merely the French. It's just that Europeans tend to like women, while Americans tend to prefer prepubescent girls. There are many reasons for this cultural gap but, unfortunately, none of them include your imminent kidnapping by a small but dedicated band of murderous spider monkeys.

The icon has an apple logo on it because the product is for Macs. Therefore, it is only suitable, nay crucial, that the linux mascot possess a big apple stamp over it.

Stupid warhammer forums. People there are dumber than PvT readers/posters.

[excised norm inanities]

Alright Normo, that's quite enough. We're banning you from commenting for a week, until you've... calmed down.

Cool.

*sniff*

Where's aussie boy?

I miss aussie boy.

I miss Aussie Boy, too. O, that he would regale us once again with tales of his many adventures. I thought he was back from safari? Guess not.

Incidentally, what did Normy do to get banished? Because if one can be banned merely for being inane, we are all frequently in peril. Or perhaps he was making threats again?

Come on now. This is the man who created THE greatest piece of shareware EVER. I refer of course to "Porntracker". (AKA Webgrazer). Just for creating that one program he should be canonized. How could we live our lives without getting all the porn (excuse me, pr0n) on the internet? You should be praising everything he deigns to allow us to download from him.

I miss the original sample image.

Dr. Evil just doesn't turn my crank in quite the same way.

Gotta agree about Dr. Evil, but I much prefer the hairless non-French cat (or is it just pre-pubescent?) to the original.

This program (aside from its obvious uselessness, limited options, ugliness, and priceiness) is great. I say raise the score to 11.7

Oh, come on now P.I. Sure, it's a (relatively) useless app, but be fair. The resulting cards are pleasing to the eye, and it's easy and intuitive to use. What to use it for, is the only question.

Sure has been quiet without Norm.

Wait, sorry P.I., I retract my earlier lethargic defense of this program. I had been under the illusion that some artistic effort had been required to create the stamps; I have since learned that they were created by a third party and are available for download at xicons.com. Totally worthless.

Ahh, merciful peace and quiet...

You all have a right to know that Normy is being punished for making opprobrious remarks about Nutella, sheep, and a certain senior member of the House Armed Services Committee. While we understand that this was little more than a pathetic cry for help, deserving our pity more than our censure, we also feel a duty to teach Normy that it's NOT OKAY to poop in the sandbox. At least not while the other kids are watching.

Aussie boy is indeed back from safari but his bott-fly infestation has progressed in a very unfortunate direction, rendering him unable to leave the relative comfort of his cream-filled isolation chamber. Nobody knows what will happen next -- we fear the worst. Aussie boy and Belvedere are in low spirits, so please take a few minutes to send your PostCard love notes to them at bluepencil@bigpond.com.

While I'm always hesitant to contradict Number One on feminist dogma, mostly because she scares me, I feel the need to point out that her assertion that American men prefer pre-pubescent females is clearly incorrect. I think that Naomi underestimates our sophistication and worldliness, as well as momentarily forgetting our fondness for honkin' huge hooters. This would seem to place our preference more towards the 'pubescent', given generally accepted norms for the development of secondary sexual characteristics.

Boo!

Did I scare you, huh huh?

If you read the fine print, you'll notice that "Americans tend to prefer" ain't hardly an assertion of any type of dogma. We should also note here that people who live in Madison tend to be more intelligent, informed, and beautiful than other Americans.

But since Herr Leibnitz is so polite about it, I will rephrase: A significant majority of American men seem to prefer females who exhibit prepubescent characteristics in every area EXCEPT the boob zone. Just google "Julia Roberts" + "armpit hair" and see what sprouts up.

I just googled and found a pretty good article on salon.com by Mei Yan Leung. So it is worth a try.
Last week, I was pretty baffled when someone told me I should shave my pits if I want to wear tank tops. In Europe. Me being a guy. Although I don´t mind any hair on anybody. Europe isn´t what it never used to be anymore.

Oh God! The Van Tol dynasty lurks a mere 19 miles SW of my location! I must remember to wear a Chemturion or at least a Racal when I visit Madison...

Mr. Hart:

As I understand it, although I admit that I am not 'European' and am therefore uncouth, current fashion overseas leans towards males removing body hair in personal locales more usually depiliated on women in this country (ie USA). This has been the trend for a couple of years now. I suspect that this reflects an attempt to achieve some Continental cultural uniformity to their major export, ( Dutch porn), as detailed in the European Parliament's whitepaper 'Boy's Pubes: Arguments for Trimming (Dutch Porn)'.

I'm afraid that there is no easy answer to your fashion dilemma. It really boils down to how fast you might be able to grow it back, or if you plan to spend time showering in any US penal institutions in the next month or so.

Hope this was helpful, NL

I can't comment on the intelligence or beauty of Madisonians, but I do remember visiting for a convention about 10 years ago, and the people were very friendly. TOO friendly, perhaps...

Hello, everybody. How delightful to be back among you all once more. And thanks especially to Immo Junghaertchen, who sent me a beautifully illustrated Postcard (!) as a kind of electronic "wish you were here". Well, Immo, you should know to be careful what you wish for, because here I am, dripping in the sort of relaxed nitro-glycerine sweat that speaks much of danger and repressed sexual tension. It would take only the slightest nudge to set me off.

Grandma, stop nudging me! Can't you see I'm typing?

It seems that while I've been away, so much has happened. And yet so much has not. It's rather like watching a one-armed midget trying to shovel sloppy cowturds with a feather -- a great deal of action without much result.

And what's this about Norm O. being banished? My God! To think such a day could come! The man with the livery lips and indelicate vocabulary of Joseph Stalin after a three-day vodka binge at the height of gulag season, relegated to the benches? I beseech you, set him free to ply us all with his wanton disregard for all that is good and sacred. After all, is that not our raison d'etre here at PvT? Ye Gods! Next thing you'll be reviewing macrame patterns and Earl Grey tea!

Grandma, togs on, old duck! It's not backgammon season again for another two months.

I can see that things need a shakeup around here. If only I had time. Sadly, my collection of biblical doodoos requires constant attention to defeat the constant hordes of dung beetles. Saint Milo of the Blunted Tool's jobbie is beginning to look like a Swiss cheese (though it smells more like a limburgher). But I'll pop in as often as I can and try to offend someone. It's the least I can do.

Belvedere! Please re-truss Grandma and put her back in the coolroom with the pork bellies. This constant nudification is beginning to disturb even me!

And, has thou returned, o Aussie Boy?
Post with abandon, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
I chortle in my joy.

posting with a poem
the novelty has worn off
and yet I can't stop

a poetry whore
oh how I wish that there was
a twelve step program

oh please be my last
of these horrible postings
shitty haikus

Sorry to hear aussie boy isn't well.
I'm going on vacation to Australia for 2 weeks. So many reviews and junky programs I'm gonna miss....oh well.
Bye all. I must go pack.

sorry to aussie
Laemkral's gone Australian
he will miss reviews

Dear Previously:

Please strike the "Previously" from your name and henceforth be known simply as "Mr. Insane." Thank you.

Your Friend,
Dr. Science

Ah. For a man with an alleged PhD your comment lacks a certain wit and cultivated charm that I have come to expect with enlightened individuals. “Dr.” Science seems a bit presumptuous for you whereas the word Previously may or may not imply that I am not currently insane. If you deem that I am than you can be validated in that I will not necessarily dispute that. However, you will be incapable to amend my moniker to suit your ineffectual and antiquated fancies.

The doctor is in
But he can get not respect
His head’s up his ass

Controversial
Thy name is previously
Much better than Norm

;P

Dear Previously:

The reason is simple enough. The comment lacks a certain wit and cultivated charm because it follows its poster. If I had wit or cultivated charm, obviously, I wouldn't be here.

You might be surprised what boring individuals get churned out as doctors these days.

Your Friend,
Dr. Science

Surprised by a Med?
Certainly not Previous
For I know all things

hmmm

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I wish you to know that my client Norm O. Tidwell is the cruel victim of a miscarriage of justice. Let us review the facts.

Norm was born (OK, more like a genetic experiment gone wrong) on that fateful day when Mr. aussie boy was having trouble with the usage of NOTs in his life. Therefore Mr. Tidwell lives because of aussie boy and he is solely responsible for the results, Blame him since Norm is the love child of Belvedere and his grandmother. These genetic manipulations had unforeseen side effects. Mostly out right brain damage which can be clearly seen in Norm's posts.

To the case at hand, was it not ladd who singled out Norm in his review of Cretin Tracker 1.0? Making him the number one cretin and giving a nifty explanation of "Pre-pubescent" would only to serve to encourage Norm. Ladies and gentlemen, I propose to you that ladd KNEW that this would be the result!

Then came the review FrenchDiet 1.0.2 program by naomi. Norm made the comment and I quote, "This FrenchDiet program is obviously not french. The women pictured in this program have no arm pit hair! " This is a rather innocent comment. But then, naomi purposely posts a review of PostCard release 2003 07 19 with a woman prominently displaying a copious amount of arm pit hair. Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that naomi knew exactly what she was doing in further encouraging Mr. Tidwell down his lonely path. Then Norm commented, "Is that Julia Roberts in that picture and is she sporting a forest of arm pit hair? I didn’t know she was french." To which naomi replied, "Americans tend to prefer prepubescent girls" and "kidnapping by a small but dedicated band of murderous spider monkeys." In essence, naomi is saying American males like to have sex with under age girls and coupled that with a hideous form of violence directed at my client. How would you like to die at the hand of a crazed monkey while having sex with an under age girl?

So you see, the staff at PvT were fully responsible for making Norm what he is today! They could of stopped him when he made the "Discordianism for Dummies" comment or when he said to Mr Previously Insane, "Is it your destiny to be the terminally unsharpened turd in the kingdom of little shits?" No, they turned a blind eye to it all! But when Norm turned his sharpened turd towards naomi in response to naomi comment, they got a wee bit sensitive. Surely they can dish it out, but they cant take. The evidence is clear.

Norm's contributions are seen through out all of society today. If it were not for Norm, the concept of sharpened turd would not exist. Look at your average politician, how many of you think they are just giving you a load of crap? The echo of Norm's voice can be heard in all of your posts. You have been forever changed by Norm and no cleanser can wipe away Norm's stain. OK, maybe changing your shirt may do the trick, but that is beside the point.

I ask you esteemed members of the jury, does Norm deserve this fate...OK, let me rephrase that question...Does Norm need your sympathy...no, no, that isn't right either...Do you really believe Norm is capable of the accused crimes...hmmmm...Would all of like $50 each to acquit Norm?

I move that we adjourn this website for two weeks to consider this copious new evidence.

On the count of malicious stupidity, we find the accused guilty as charged.

On the count of being too obtuse to take a hint, we find the accused guilty as charged.

On the count of egotististical over-posting, we find the accused guilty as charged.

Your Honor, can we hang the lawyer now?

The 50 post barrior smashed to bits. Now we must ask ourselfs are we ready to venture into this new and unexplored realm? As for me, thats one small step for man, one long posting for PvT.

Hang the lawyer. A reprieve for Norm O. It is the only just course!

my god, you people, get a life.

Dear Mr. Jarab,

Well said for a man who just waded through 52 posts to make the comment, "get a life."

a man who went to this page, saw 52 posts, and decided you people have absolutely no life.

Dear Mr. Jarab,

Hmmmm...you know, now that I think about it, we DON'T have a life. May we take your life since we don't have one? I promise it won't hurt that much...Belvedere, get the bag and ropes! We got a live here!

Belvedere! Back here this instant! What have I told you about spending time with that louse-ridden fiend!

Consider your smegma ration halved, old prune!

bling bling

"dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs" now you do not punish someone dutch, or otherwise, for having big boobs.

belvedere are fucking ACE.